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Pregnant wife can't stop drinking

Old 02-09-2011, 09:14 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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come on dude those kids of yours need their father to step up and do what's right by them.
worry about all the other stuff once the kids are safe.
please!
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:21 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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It occurs to me that perhaps the hospital did not know she was pregnant. When I was 6mos pregnant with one of mine it was easy to hide. i didn't even wear maternity clothes. If they knew I can't help but think they'd have a social worker at the hospital before she was released.

Does she get prenatal care? Have those records sent to the doctor monitoring her pregnancy!! he needs to know. They need to monitor the babies growth etc.

If you can't find a lawyer that will make things happen fast enough call Child Protective Services. Take emergency leave and then call them with the intent of doing whatever it is you need to do. They will help you keep your child safe (help find daycare, help with making plans, help with making plans for your newborn, they may know of services etc.,) but if you do not follow their recommendations to ensure safety, they may take him/her to foster care.
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:44 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Fetal alcohol syndrome

Dear InquireWithin:

My heart just fell when I read your story.

Your wife is abusing your children. By leaving her to her own devices all day, you are helping her to do that. Simple as that.

I agree with the above posters. Get yourself a lawyer. Take work off to do it. Take Fetal Alcohol Syndrome literature with you.

PubMed Health - Fetal alcohol syndrome

According to the NIH, binge drinking is more damaging to the fetus than continued drinking at lower levels. Your wife is clearly binge drinking.

It is not too late to stop the damage that is occurring. You can't stop the damage already done, but the baby's nervous system is beginning to mature now, and your wife is laying down tracks in the baby's system RIGHT NOW that will affect your child's ability to live a functional life.

No good parent would abandon a handicapped child, but no good parent would deliberately cause a handicap either. As a healthcare provider who has delivered over 2,000 babies, I can tell you that nothing is more heartbreaking that hearing the shrieking cries of a newborn who, by no fault of their own, has been born with an addiction or a brain damaged by alcohol. Unlike crack, heroin, and cocaine, which are bad enough because the baby has to go through withdrawal, alcohol is worse on the fetus than those things, causing actual mental retardation, and often with physical deformities such as a misshapen head, abnormally spaced eyes, and other physical abnormalities very specific to fetal alcohol syndrome babies.

Your wife will be wrought with guilt if this child is born damaged because of her addiction. How likely do you think it will be that she will want to get sober then? I think the only time you have to act is NOW.

Take off time from work if you have to. You probably will have to. Doing this now may save your baby's life, not to mention your toddler's life, and hopefully your marriage. It sounds like your wife might be better off living far away from a family that only wants to support her drinking habit.

I wish you so much luck. I am so sorry for you. But there is help, and you must get it now.
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:45 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Children are smart, and can bounce back if they get out of a nasty situation and get the help they need, but sticking around in this situation is teaching your toddler that these behaviors are okay.
Children learn about relationships from their parents, and are prone to repeating them. For the sake of your toddler, you need to provide a safe and stable home, so she can learn good values.

Your unborn baby is already at risk, due to your wife's alcoholism. I sincerely hope and pray that she'll be safe and healthy - the more your wife drinks, however, the more that chance decreases - drastically!

There are some difficult decisions you need to make.
I would just like to point out that your wife is an adult, and should be able to take care of herself.
Children, on the other hand, rely upon someone to take care of them. Your wife is not reliable, so you need to find some sort of care that is reliable - for the sake of your unborn baby, and before the courts find it for you.
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Old 02-09-2011, 11:17 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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One more thing, InquireWithin,

You should be very proud of yourself for not just walking away from this. You are wishing and hoping that your wife will suddenly "wake up" and understand she can't continue her behaviors. But she can't. One sip of the booze, and her "off" switch is broken. She is out of control, and like a child throwing a tantrum, she may be actually relieved if you take control of the situation and remove her choices from her. You may have to enter into some type of conservatorship with the help of your attorney so that she cannot continue to make these choices while she has the ability to harm herself and her children. There are ways. If necessary, look up the "pro bono" services offered by your State Bar Association. They all have them, which offers free services if you need to do it that way. CPS may need to become involved, but your lawyer will tell you about that.

If you need help, please please ask.
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:43 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Gosh. This thread saddens and upsets me immensely.
I can't really add anything more that hasn't already been said.

I might say that I'm sorry to read this but I'd rather say that you need to pony up and protect your kids immediately.
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Old 02-09-2011, 02:37 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I am so sorry you are going through this. First and foremost your children are first priority. I have seen the effect of fas, your unborn child is at extreme risk. Dont know the laws in the US, but I know in Canada you can get a court order to help protect this unborn child. You need to call a lawyer right away. Once your children are protected, you can start working your own program. Please keep posting here this has been a lifeline for many of us. your wife is out of control, you need to take full control immediately. Prayers to you and your family.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:44 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Thank you for all your input.

I am going to be brief right now, but I have contacted a lawyer.

I am in so far over my head that I feel helpless, but I'm going to get help immediately.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:51 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by InquireWithin View Post
Thank you for all your input.

I am going to be brief right now, but I have contacted a lawyer.

I am in so far over my head that I feel helpless, but I'm going to get help immediately.
Yay!

This means that you are not only going to save the babies, but save yourself from shame and guilt and grief, and save your wife from much shame, guilt, and grief too, because awful things that could have happened no longer are going to happen.
Naturally she will be very upset by the intervention.
But she, and your children, will all thank you in years to come.
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Old 02-09-2011, 08:57 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by InquireWithin View Post
Thank you for all your input.

I am going to be brief right now, but I have contacted a lawyer.

I am in so far over my head that I feel helpless, but I'm going to get help immediately.
Bravo! My offer is real, if you need it. don't waste any more time. Make it happen. You are in charge, and your kids need you to step up. You'll do fine.
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:47 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I know of 3 men who live in my small town who have 100% custody of their kids for reasons not even as bad as your situation. Unless you have some history that the courts would deem you an unsuitable father, your future lies in 1. raising your toddler or 2. losing your toddler to foster care or worse. Your wife is going to lose custody of her child, and if you don't make that happen, some other authority will. So you need to make it happen on your terms.

BTW, the dads I'm referring to: ALL their kids (all girls) are good students, active in a lot of activities, and have an excellent shot at living a happy, healthy life. While raising a kid alone is not something dads sign up for, most do fine when forced to rise to the challenge. Your life is about to drastically change because you're going to make a change. Embrace it and I wash you all the luck in the world.
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Old 02-09-2011, 11:56 PM
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Hi Inquire,
That's great you're taking the steps to protect your kids. They will thank you. When you can, please come back here and check in. The support is great on this online community...
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Old 02-10-2011, 12:44 AM
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Thank you for the update.

You did it! You did the first right thing. You don't have to figure it all out at the beginning, you just need to do the next right thing.

Doing and focusing on the next right thing saved me. It is very overwhelming. Keep reading and posting here - any time you need support.
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:37 AM
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As you take the steps to protect your children you will feel less helpless. We are always here.

You did a difficult and courageous thing, and you are not alone in this any longer.

Good for you, really good for you and those children too
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:02 AM
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You're a great father.
Good for you. It's a hard choice. Keep on coming back here if you need more support. There are many Dad's on this board who've gone through similar situations as you.
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