parenting issues
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
parenting issues
Can anyone relate to this?
When AH was in the house, I basically was the one who put limits on the kids - getting to bed on time, not eating too many sweets or junk food, limits on computer time/tv viewing and other stuff that I felt was my responsibility as a parent to provide guidelines. For the most part I wasn't a dictator but if issues came up - missing the bus for school, feeling sick because eating too much candy, whatever I was the enforcer and AH was in a drunken stupor or left the scene.
Anyway now we are separated, not divorced and working on our own recovery. Counselor tells me kids are not in danger with AH (seems he is not drinking, although he is very little time with us, he can plan his drinking binges accordingly) so 9 yr old and sometimes 13 yr old spend every other weekend with him.
This morning my 13 yr old is sick to her stomach not able to get out of bed for school - she came home midnight last night because AH said she could watch a program and found out night before she was up at 3 am watching tv on demand. So here I am again being the enforcer and AH taking no responsibility for being a parent. I told DD she had to get up out of bed (I let her sleep extra hour) and get to school and suffer the consequences of not getting enough sleep.
Also they are giving me back talk about the limits they have on their tv viewing time because basically they go over to AH and sit in front of tv for hours at a time. One counselor I had told me, so what, they are happy spending time with their dad.
I am just annoyed that it makes it so much more difficult for me to do what I think is best and hard to accept because in some ways it seems worse for the kids and for me to be the parent I want to be and have my kids respect that.
When AH was in the house, I basically was the one who put limits on the kids - getting to bed on time, not eating too many sweets or junk food, limits on computer time/tv viewing and other stuff that I felt was my responsibility as a parent to provide guidelines. For the most part I wasn't a dictator but if issues came up - missing the bus for school, feeling sick because eating too much candy, whatever I was the enforcer and AH was in a drunken stupor or left the scene.
Anyway now we are separated, not divorced and working on our own recovery. Counselor tells me kids are not in danger with AH (seems he is not drinking, although he is very little time with us, he can plan his drinking binges accordingly) so 9 yr old and sometimes 13 yr old spend every other weekend with him.
This morning my 13 yr old is sick to her stomach not able to get out of bed for school - she came home midnight last night because AH said she could watch a program and found out night before she was up at 3 am watching tv on demand. So here I am again being the enforcer and AH taking no responsibility for being a parent. I told DD she had to get up out of bed (I let her sleep extra hour) and get to school and suffer the consequences of not getting enough sleep.
Also they are giving me back talk about the limits they have on their tv viewing time because basically they go over to AH and sit in front of tv for hours at a time. One counselor I had told me, so what, they are happy spending time with their dad.
I am just annoyed that it makes it so much more difficult for me to do what I think is best and hard to accept because in some ways it seems worse for the kids and for me to be the parent I want to be and have my kids respect that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
Thinking about what I last posted and realized I had some great conversations with my kids today even though it starting out with limitations and boundaries and what seemed like repairing what didn't work at AHs. This is all so much better than what I felt when AH was living here with us.
I'm tired and my original post probably came mostly from end of day tiredness.
Good night.
I'm tired and my original post probably came mostly from end of day tiredness.
Good night.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think you're doing great, DN.
The kids will survive some late nights watching TV, and your lesson in consequences is more effective than all the lectures in the world would have been. For them to learn not to stay up late because it makes them too tired the next day will teach them to act in their own best interests, rather than manipulating to see what they can get away with at either parent's house.
The kids will survive some late nights watching TV, and your lesson in consequences is more effective than all the lectures in the world would have been. For them to learn not to stay up late because it makes them too tired the next day will teach them to act in their own best interests, rather than manipulating to see what they can get away with at either parent's house.
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