Buffalo66

We shall see.
I am sad that my family failed.
Sobriety. Hmmm. We only lasted 4 months.
I did my best.
I took him in too soon. He didn't have to earn a thing.
He says he is leaving because I have PMS.
That whole going to the bar, nit going to meetings thing is lost on him.
That whole ignore the psych prescription, obsess and project suspcion and mind games thing is lost on him.

Please tell me I am right for asking him to go.

Buffalo66

He refers to me as the enemy, his only problem in life just about every other day.

suki44883

From what you have written here, yes, you are right in asking him to go. But, he's not out yet, so be prepared for more quacking.

Learn2Live

Yeah, it is amazing the way demented people think. And how they will just not let us live in peace. I hope he leaves.

Buffalo66

We agreed fir it to b march, since our son has his first surgery on the 23 of this month. We thought it would b best to nit have upheaval right before. I kno my son will feel the calm, once a is gone, but he is going to be sad. His daddy played with him a lot and really for the first time consistently in his first two months here... That tapered off. When he started going to the bar instead of coming home. The bar. Where he doesn't drink.

Please pardon my cynical sarcastic b*tchy tone today. I feel bitter. And I am still being blamed.

Thumper

I totally support your decision. I think it is the healthiest thing for you and your children. It is really the only option as far as I see it.

Your family didn't fail, it just looks different then you anticipated. I know that hurts.

Deep breath. There is a light at the end of your tunnel. It is a dark and sad walk at times but the sunshine is worth it.

If he ever decides to take the walk towards the sun - you'll see him at the other end.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

It is funny how they always blame us. I can not wait to get to the other side. I still have to sell my house and one minute he says he will leave, then the next minute he isn't. They truly try to drive you crazy.

Hang in there, I am right with you. Someday, we will have peace and look back on this and be glad we finally got out.

transformyself

What helps me in times like this is to simply be sure of and hold firm my boundary. Then nothing "they" do really matters.

I was just reading over some of my older posts, and this was written in one of them:

I cannot control your actions, just my reaction to you.

or something like that. It is helpful for me to remember right now.

Hugs Buffalo. You've been doing this for so long. I bet you're tired.

PurpleWilder

He is leaving because you have PMS?

Holy crap, so THAT'S how you get them to leave. I shoulda thought of that....


Of course, you are right to ask him to go. If you had the kind of control over his life that he claims, then he wouldn't be a drunk, now would he?

Be prepared - you have a rough few weeks ahead of you. You might want to come up with a plan if he digs in his heels. Maybe the number of a local storage company, moving company, etc. in case he bails at the last moment. Make that date concrete and make him stick to it.

And keep an eye on your valuables, documents and bank accounts. It is not uncommon for some people to try and do as much damage on their way out the door as possible. Please be safe.

nodaybut2day

Buffalo, you deserve serenity. You obviously weren't getting it with him around.

You are 110% right to ask him to leave.

dancingnow

B66 you and your AH sound so much like me and my AH. To him, you would think I was the only female who had PMS and he blamed it for any emotion I expressed even to the point where I stopped trying to show him affection.

I realize now that my AH cannot deal with feelings and it is so much easier for him to blame me for having any emotion.

I am just lucky to hear your ESH before I agree for him to move back into our home. I am just regaining some peace and recognizing myself. AH is telling me he is not drinking but he is no where near recovery and neither am I.

I am sure the minute things don't work out he will be yelling and screaming about the PMS and how he can't live in misery.

For me and my AH recovery should happen (if it even does) apart from each other.

Things we think we want may not work out or fail. I am working on having faith that my HP is guiding me to the choices that are for the best.

Eight Ball

My AH has put my recent 'rages' down to the menopaus - im not even in menopaus! Anything not to look at themselves hey?

It is sad Buffalow66 but you can get through this. Re-read through some of your earlier posts to remember how difficult it has been living with an AH.

ShiningStars

PMS... seriously, that's the best he can come up with??? My AH calls me bipolar when he's mad I caught him in another lie, or found more of his empty bottles/cans stashed around the house, etc. I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay strong! (((HUGS!)))

Floss

Yep, my ex called me bi-polar too. Maybe I am, or maybe I'm just traumatised from years of cr*p. Buffalo, if it's not PMS, they'll think of something else so they can blame you. He's okay though, 'sober' and sitting in a bar 24/7. He doesn't have a problem. It must all be in your head! Notice my sarcastic tone too..... I think if he moves out, you'll start feeling peaceful. You'll have hard times too but you'll make it and get through this...Hugs to you...

lillamy

(((hugs)))
You have the right to tell him to leave.
Your family didn't fail. Your marriage didn't fail. It was ruined by alcoholism. Over which you are powerless.

Give yourself a lot of grace. Take deep breaths. And keep loving your child and caring for yourself. The AH will figure his life out or not. Either way, he's not your responsibility. But you are.

zrx1200R

don't look back. 4 months is not a very long investment. Be glad you are able to break free now. If not, then the next 20+ years just become an expensive blurr.

Don't be sad. Be liberated. Be Free! This is just a small hicuup in your life.

And of course, be wary. he will most likely change his tune and NOT move out. You may need to ratchet up the "PMS" to remind him why he is out.

TakingCharge999

Hugs!! I know this is a stressful time for you.

BTW XABF also refered to me once as an "enemy".

I think it was his addiction talking.

I could have been his best friend and lover for life, had I stayed the doormat, unfortunately (for him) that was no longer good enough for me.

I hope you are free very soon ! regarding failure, he is the one failing himself. You are right asking him to leave.

Seren

(((((Buffalo66))))) You deserve every happiness. Considering what you have shared about all of his past and current behavior, your actions seem more than reasonable. The blame is not yours.

Please take good care of yourself!
Hugs, HG

StarCat

You are the enemy of his addiction, because you're trying to come between them. He can't see what's really happening.

(((((Buffalo66)))))

XABF always referred to me as the enemy, always told me "You made an @$$hole out of me" and "You don't worship my God - you're from the devil!"

When they don't get the reaction they want, they react in very hurtful ways to try to gain that reaction. It has nothing to do with you.

You are doing the right thing. You are taking care of you, and you are worth it. <3