Blogs


Notices

Can anyone relate to this?

Old 02-06-2011, 04:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Can anyone relate to this?

I posted this question on another thread but wanted to make it my own post. Did anyone else have or currenly have a partner that only binged excessively on the weekends while they were out and then didnt touch it all week long?? That was how my ex was and I like to hear other people's stories that dealt with that because most people on here have A's that drink all week long...I am in the process of trying to heal over an ex that stressed me out for a year by going out every weekend and acted out so irrationally in public places and I was silly enough to stand by and watch him self-destruct... while at the same time I slowly lost myself because I had no idea what he was going to do next.....kind of like a ticking time bomb that i developed anxiety over wondering how and when it would go off next....I have alot of confidence and emotional/trust issues that I am working through now that we are broken up...Sort of like post-tramatic stress....
duqld1717 is offline  
Old 02-06-2011, 05:24 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
My ex's "best friend" did that. He is 42 and married with two little ones. Things got worse once the kids came, the oldest being only 2. He would binge the entire weekend. He and his wife are EXTREMELY close but over the last year he was snapping at her a lot and it was obvious he didn't want to spend time with his family...just get drunk with the guys. It seemed that he was getting more selfish and I got the impression his drinking would start during the week too if it hadn't already.
goldengirl3 is offline  
Old 02-06-2011, 06:11 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
My husband did that too. He usually started Friday night. Saturday night was a certain. And then he tried to squeeze every last minute out of Sunday night. I just did not get how he could face every Monday morning hung over. A few years back I noticed how tense he was on Wednesday and Thursday night. He always blamed it on his responsibilities dealing with kids and parents at scouting. Now I think he was missing the alcohol. Later he started having a few Thursday night and then Wednesday night-all the while doing stuff around the house. He often said he did not have a problem because he only drank on the weekends. Right before we separated it became Friday to Sunday non stop. He would take a flask with him if we went someplace. He said towards the end that I was the reason he drank so much. That's when I knew how sick he was and that we had to separate. I spoke to him this week for the first time in over a month. He shared quite a bit with me and I was surprised. I did not ask any questions. But he did say this. "I am keeping an eye on my drinking. It is so easy to come home and pop a few beers but I have responsibilities and need to get up in the morning for work. I had to get a new alarm clock because I've slept through mine a few times or maybe its broken." I was wondering if he was trying to convince me or himself. Ironically that was one of my great anxieties was waking him up for work, even though he had his own alarm clock set. If he was late he would yell at me and then call to apologize later. On the outside I was very supportive and said things like"I'm glad you are doing well" On the inside I'm thinking-"You are 50 years old! Are you just realizing something most 20 year olds get when they are tired of partying through college? Besides, I have had no contact with you for a month. What are you blaming the drinking on now?" Sometimes my inner monologue and my outer monologue were not so distinct. I have been accused of being sarcastic and derogatory but I just lose my patience. I'm trying to be more detached. He recently told a story at counseling about how he told me while we were still dating that he had not drank in 3 days and I said, "What do you want a medal?" He said that he should have known then what butch I was. I said that I knew then that he was an alcoholic but I did not want to admite it and I still married him and stayed for 28 years. Sorry I kind of started rambling but I needed to get that off my chest.
It does not matter how often or how much they drink. What matters is the attitude, the need, the obsession with alcohol. I am slowly starting to understand about dry drunks and the alcoholic mentality.
jamaicamecrazy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jamaicamecrazy For This Useful Post:
clashman (04-14-2011), GettingBy (04-15-2011), wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-06-2011, 07:06 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Many alcoholics started out as bingers. Binging once every few weeks, then every two weeks then every weekend and then every few days until they become, somewhere down the line 'daily drinkers.'

Alcoholism progresses and continues to get worse, never better.

Binges are just a part of it.

Hope that helps a bit.

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to laurie6781 For This Useful Post:
GettingBy (04-15-2011), Ladybug0130 (04-14-2011), Tuffgirl (04-14-2011), wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-06-2011, 07:07 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
It was so hard for me to understand my ex because I never knew for sure if he had a drinking problem or if he just liked to have a good time because he only drank on the weekends. I was torn. But from posting on this site and getting alot of helpful feedback from everyone I realized that he def was a binge drinker and couldnt control himself no matter how much i begged him to stop. Even if he stopped drinking all week, he was waiting until the weekend to get out of control. He is only 34 so I'm sure that eventually he might drink during the week as well. He is probably out right now getting drunk and I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE YAY!
duqld1717 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to duqld1717 For This Useful Post:
keepinon (04-15-2011), startoveragain (04-14-2011), SteppingUp (02-07-2011)
Old 02-06-2011, 07:13 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
sailorjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Yeah, somewhat. She would go on weekend crack/alcohol god knows what binges, but I always suspected that she probably drank a bit-probably more than a bit-during the week.

Like most alcoholics, she would minimize the amount she drank.

I actually had her run that line by me once, she only 'had a couple', actually 5 beers and a double over about 3 hours, I was with her at the time, sober myself.

The last time I talked to her, she had gone out drinking on a week night, you could tell obviously, the change in the timbre of her voice.

Shudder to think she drives a school bus.
sailorjohn is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to sailorjohn For This Useful Post:
wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 03:30 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 19
Yup, I can totally relate. My bf will binge every time he drinks, only he doesn't drink every day. It's not just weekends though so you never know when it's coming. and once he has that first beer, he has no control left, he will drink till the beer is gone, or he passes out or I talk him into bed. It sucks because the days he doesn't drink are when you question your judgements- maybe I'm imagining or exagerating this? this is a the man i chose to be with, and he's still there some days. i think it only makes it harder, that fluctuation between hope and disapoinment.

But, it escalates. Lately when he drinks he's also doing shots. Just last night, while I was driving my stepsons home, he finished his 18 pack and went out for more beer. Ugh. It's times like that that remind me- he does have a problem.
justsotired is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to justsotired For This Useful Post:
GettingBy (04-15-2011), Ladybug0130 (04-14-2011), SteppingUp (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 07:00 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Justsotired-How do you deal with the anxiety of not knowing when he will be going on his next binge? I know I would almost get panic attacks when a friday night would come....
duqld1717 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to duqld1717 For This Useful Post:
Ladybug0130 (04-14-2011), Linkmeister (04-14-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 07:07 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
sailorjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
I couldn't do it. I'm also in AA, my home group meets on Friday nights, 800pm, and she would want to go out after leaving the kids with her ex. Rather than leave her by herself, I would skip the meeting to 'keep an eye on her'. Sheesh.
sailorjohn is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sailorjohn For This Useful Post:
Ladybug0130 (04-14-2011), wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 07:26 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thumper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,444
My xah started out kind of like that. He'd only have a couple (2-3) beers on nights when he was home and would binge on weekends or when he went on trips. Fall down, sloppy, out of control, pass out, sick, drunk.

Over times things changed and that stopped - which seemed good at first - but the daily drinking slowly began to ramp up until he was drinking 18+ beers every day.
Thumper is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Thumper For This Useful Post:
stella27 (02-07-2011), wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 07:39 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 19
quite honestly, I don't know how i live with it, it's no way to live. I'm always on guard, always trying to predict what i need to do or have on hand to make him happy, it's always about trying to 'survive' any given night. And you never know what night it's coming.

I've been in the relationship over 6 years, and his binging has led to my own abuse of alcohol at times. I've tried outdrinking him to escape him mentally (impossible). Then there was a phase where even though I hated every sip, I would drink just so there was less in the house for him to drink.

Now, I simply don't drink with him in the hopes that he will see himself clearer if the people around him are sober. Plus, I refuse to become, or remain, an alchoholic. So, no more drinking for me. it makes it harder, watching him sit there and get sh*tfaced, harder to put up with him when he does, harder to keep him happy drunk. But i feel safer too, since I am sober and more aware of the warning signs something is about to go wrong.

I can't live this way. I can't cure him. I can't make him want to get sober. So I am planning on leaving.
justsotired is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to justsotired For This Useful Post:
desertgirl (04-15-2011), keepinon (04-15-2011), Ladybug0130 (04-14-2011), Sylvie66 (04-15-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 07:46 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
That sounds so horrible. I feel for you. Its hard because they do have a few "good days" where they seem to be themselves but its usually not enough. You deserve someone who you dont have to walk on eggshells with. I just realized that myself. I was on pins and needles every weekend and would get sick to my stomach every time my ex and I would go into a bar. I was dying on the inside. I hope you get the strength and courage to follow your heart.
duqld1717 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to duqld1717 For This Useful Post:
wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 08:46 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 19
Yup, I know the feeling.... is he going to get into a fight? Insist on driving when we leave? Find fault with my behavior and pick a fight with me?

YOU deserve better than that too. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I'm starting to think that physically ill felling you described is your body's way of screaming at you 'this isn't right'!!!

In a sick way, I wish I didn't have those 'normal' days with him, because they make me ignore the heartbreak, and the fear of all the other days.

But last night, I thought to myself.... I shouldn't have to worry is today going to be 'normal'. That in itself isn't normal, that's not how its supposed to work.

I'm really starting to see how being there through his binges is only enabling him- I clean up after him socially, bring in the money that alows him to sit there at the bar for hours, get him into bed safe, wake him up for work... He has no consequences to his drinking as long as I'm here. So, me staying is only hurting both of us.
justsotired is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to justsotired For This Useful Post:
keepinon (04-15-2011), RollTide (02-08-2011), StarCat (02-07-2011), wicked (02-07-2011)
Old 02-07-2011, 09:35 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
I shouldn't have to worry is today going to be 'normal'. That in itself isn't normal, that's not how its supposed to work.
justsotired,

you have got it now. no, it is not normal. and the symptoms both of your describe waiting for the binge sounds like PTSD.
I am still learning what normal is (for me) but, I have already decided I am not going to live that way anymore.

Beth

Thank you duq and justsotired.

wicked is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
keepinon (04-15-2011), RollTide (02-08-2011)
Old 04-14-2011, 06:49 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by justsotired View Post
quite honestly, I don't know how i live with it, it's no way to live. I'm always on guard, always trying to predict what i need to do or have on hand to make him happy, it's always about trying to 'survive' any given night. And you never know what night it's coming.

I've been in the relationship over 6 years, and his binging has led to my own abuse of alcohol at times. I've tried outdrinking him to escape him mentally (impossible). Then there was a phase where even though I hated every sip, I would drink just so there was less in the house for him to drink.

Now, I simply don't drink with him in the hopes that he will see himself clearer if the people around him are sober. Plus, I refuse to become, or remain, an alchoholic. So, no more drinking for me. it makes it harder, watching him sit there and get sh*tfaced, harder to put up with him when he does, harder to keep him happy drunk. But i feel safer too, since I am sober and more aware of the warning signs something is about to go wrong.

I can't live this way. I can't cure him. I can't make him want to get sober. So I am planning on leaving.
I'm with you on this! Usually he binges on Friday night, so I have near panic attacks on Fridays, but sometimes during the week. Because I never know when it's coming, I'm walking on eggshells.
returntonormal is offline  
Old 04-14-2011, 06:51 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by justsotired View Post
In a sick way, I wish I didn't have those 'normal' days with him, because they make me ignore the heartbreak, and the fear of all the other days.
I agree completely. The "good" days make me question my own judgement about what I need to do. The constant stress and worry are so destructive.
returntonormal is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to returntonormal For This Useful Post:
Linkmeister (04-14-2011)
Old 04-14-2011, 08:58 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Linkmeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by duqld1717 View Post
Justsotired-How do you deal with the anxiety of not knowing when he will be going on his next binge? I know I would almost get panic attacks when a friday night would come....
For my EXABF , it was a cycle-binge for 1-2 weeks, detox, sober up, apologize to me white knuckle (laterally, no recovery, no AA, nothing), relative calm and normalcy and then the cycle would start all over again. I walked on so many eggshells, I should have lived in a henhouse.

I got the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach knowing that the cycle started all over again, not knowing what I would get blamed for this time around, what would happen, what would be said. There were nights I either cried myself to sleep or was awake most of the night, wondering if he was going to come to the living room and give me grief for sleeping out on the futon because I couldn't stomach the smell of stale beer. There's so much more that flashes through my mind at the drop of a hat and yeah, I guess it is a form of PTSD.

No, it's not a normal way to live and now that I have ended things, I'm taking the first stabs at normalcy, worrying about normal things, not stressing every time the phone rings, wondering at what stage of the cycle he was at - it's too much stress for anyone to bear.

Thankfully, I have been going to Al-Anon for quite a while and without meetings, readings and friends there and here at SR, I wouldn't have learned to detach, to let go and let god, I would still be obsessing over why he won't stop drinking.
Linkmeister is offline  
Old 04-15-2011, 09:21 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sylvie66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ashland Oregon
Posts: 256
That sounds so similar to my ABF's latest phase. He's a musician, and sometimes would have one or two of his buddies over to listen to music and drink the night away. But after his DUI, he started bingeing on his own. He used to drink every day, with the neat trick of drinking 2/3 of a glass, then refilling it 5 or 6 times. How the heck am I supposed to count drinks like that? Oh, right. I stopped that noise.

As to the not-knowing when the next one is coming.... I can't stand the pressure. It's one of the factors of my leaving (tomorrow!). He still does not get it, and I no longer care whether he does or not.

- Sylvie
Sylvie66 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sylvie66 For This Useful Post:
desertgirl (04-15-2011), duqld1717 (04-15-2011), keepinon (04-15-2011)
Old 04-15-2011, 02:11 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
keepinon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Originally Posted by justsotired View Post

I'm really starting to see how being there through his binges is only enabling him- I clean up after him socially, bring in the money that alows him to sit there at the bar for hours, get him into bed safe, wake him up for work... He has no consequences to his drinking as long as I'm here. So, me staying is only hurting both of us.
This was when the miracles started happening for me..when I relalized I was handing my daughter bullets for her gun by enabling her..made it really easy to know what to do..ahh clarity...
keepinon is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to keepinon For This Useful Post:
StarCat (04-15-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:42 AM.