how do i speak to my recovering alcoholic bf
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Toronto,Canada
Posts: 17
how do i speak to my recovering alcoholic bf
Hello Im fairly new to SR
I find this so hard and im lost.. Hes been sober for about 6weeks. Hes slowly making progress with his recovery. I feel so weak and helpless inside. He has completely shut down , the silence , and not knowing what hes thinking. How do I communicate with him or try to reach out ?
Scared & confused
I find this so hard and im lost.. Hes been sober for about 6weeks. Hes slowly making progress with his recovery. I feel so weak and helpless inside. He has completely shut down , the silence , and not knowing what hes thinking. How do I communicate with him or try to reach out ?
Scared & confused
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Hi, Sherry!
Good for you for reaching out to us!
#1 start taking care of you and stop worrying over him. How?
* Alanon meetings - they are free! Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
* Try reading Melody Beattie's Codependent No More (I found it very helpful)
* Consider starting to think about
a. what you want in a relationship
b. what you need in a relationship
c. if you don't have them, how are you going to get them or how long are you willing to wait and see if you get them
d. what are your deal breakers that you will not put up with.
Your husband is in a fragile time and it is great he is working on recovery. This is a great opportunity to put yourself in recovery, too. How can you grow and change and take better care of yourself in this time?
Stick around and read the stickies at the top of the forum.
Hugs,
peace
Good for you for reaching out to us!
#1 start taking care of you and stop worrying over him. How?
* Alanon meetings - they are free! Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
* Try reading Melody Beattie's Codependent No More (I found it very helpful)
* Consider starting to think about
a. what you want in a relationship
b. what you need in a relationship
c. if you don't have them, how are you going to get them or how long are you willing to wait and see if you get them
d. what are your deal breakers that you will not put up with.
Your husband is in a fragile time and it is great he is working on recovery. This is a great opportunity to put yourself in recovery, too. How can you grow and change and take better care of yourself in this time?
Stick around and read the stickies at the top of the forum.
Hugs,
peace
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi,
Is he in AA? Is he attending meetings, working with a sponsor, working the Steps?
Regardless whether he is, I suggest you check out Al-Anon. There is relatively little for you to do to help him with his recovery. You can, however, focus on yourself to figure out what YOU want and need for yourself.
Early recovery is a time when the alcoholic is just starting to get his marbles back. He most likely won't be the greatest company for awhile. If he continues to work at his recovery, he will start communicating more.
Hugs, glad you're here with us.
Is he in AA? Is he attending meetings, working with a sponsor, working the Steps?
Regardless whether he is, I suggest you check out Al-Anon. There is relatively little for you to do to help him with his recovery. You can, however, focus on yourself to figure out what YOU want and need for yourself.
Early recovery is a time when the alcoholic is just starting to get his marbles back. He most likely won't be the greatest company for awhile. If he continues to work at his recovery, he will start communicating more.
Hugs, glad you're here with us.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Welcome to SR, you have come to the right place...so filled with wisdom, support, experience...
My rabf just celebrated one year...he is doing well.
Congratulations to your boyfriend on 6 weeks of sobriety
The best thing, the only thing for you to do, based on my experience, is take care of yourself. Work a program of recovery from the effects of being in a relationship with an alcoholic that is as strong as the program you hope he works. Read as much as you can, go to Al-Anon, read and post here every day, that is what I do.
I realize that my relationship with my boyfriend would not stand a chance if one of us was moving forward in a new healthy way, and the other was just waiting. Work on you...work on who you are, and what makes you happy.
Leave him to his program, and his sponsor and his higher power.
This is what has worked for me. Take what you like and leave the rest.
My best wishes to you.
My rabf just celebrated one year...he is doing well.
Congratulations to your boyfriend on 6 weeks of sobriety
The best thing, the only thing for you to do, based on my experience, is take care of yourself. Work a program of recovery from the effects of being in a relationship with an alcoholic that is as strong as the program you hope he works. Read as much as you can, go to Al-Anon, read and post here every day, that is what I do.
I realize that my relationship with my boyfriend would not stand a chance if one of us was moving forward in a new healthy way, and the other was just waiting. Work on you...work on who you are, and what makes you happy.
Leave him to his program, and his sponsor and his higher power.
This is what has worked for me. Take what you like and leave the rest.
My best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Recovery is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for them. It is frustrating from the outside but try not to take where he is at personally. He is trying to live life sober and hopefully he is in a program to help with his ups and downs and processing.
You just gotta take care of yourself. We are always here!
You just gotta take care of yourself. We are always here!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
