Anyone Else Struggle With Anxiety Even After The Fact?

Old 02-06-2011, 10:40 AM
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Anyone Else Struggle With Anxiety Even After The Fact?

So I started taking my life seriously and my XABF's threats seriously as well. I am finished with school. He's seriously blocked and I can finally say that all emotional ties are cut.

My question is this. I started dating someone who is soooo wonderful. I really like him a lot. He makes me feel good, talking to him makes me laugh etc.
However, he happens to me in Medical School (how I went from a druggie to a med student..is something I ask myself all the time). And I admit after being treated so terribly for so long and I have certainly put this new guy on pedastal. I'm in therapy...I'm having lots of anxiety about finding a job, etc...
Well he's really busy with school and we don't talk as much and I try to mentally calm myself down...

but when he doesn't respond. Or responds in a way that is say, less wordy than how it normally is...lately its like triggering panic attacks. I felt okay when he was on break and had more time and stuff. But now it feels oddly familiar to be with someone who is unavailable (even though its for a much nobler reason) and I'm just like finding myself freaking out and going off the deep end if he doesn't respond right away. I have briefly told him kind of what I went through. So I feel like I can be open and honest with him, but I feel like if he were to know how much anxiety I feel he'd completely run off....

IDK i know the pms is exacerbating it all. B.c I get REALLLLLY REALLLY bad pms. But has anyone else had a similar sort of post panic thing like this?

When does it go away? I feel so stupid, b.c intellectually I know its irrational. But I'm just TERRIFIED I'm going to open my heart again to someone I shouldn't. Like completely terrified. Rechecking the phone. Tears. Anger. And then I'm terrified I'm letting my past control me...and then I'm never going to find someone without issues. I guess its just a trigger for me?

Does anyone else find themselves sensitive to triggers? I feel like I'm being needy or something......But it's like a very gut reaction since the X would ignore me so often to go binge ya no?

Any thoughts or input is appreciated.
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Old 02-06-2011, 10:47 AM
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But I'm just TERRIFIED I'm going to open my heart again to someone I shouldn't. Like completely terrified. Rechecking the phone. Tears. Anger. And then I'm terrified I'm letting my past control me...and then I'm never going to find someone without issues. I guess its just a trigger for me?
I have an anxiety disorder and have tried every concoction known to deal with it. Lately I'm mostly angry that it won't go away.

i wouldn't be getting into a relationship with anxiety this severe, but that's me. I'd be working on getting myself into a calm, happy place first. The new guy can't save you-only you can.

I'm sorry you're having such intense reactions. Have you tried at least 30 minutes of exercise? This will start to alleviate your anxiety, but the core causes have to be addressed too. Gotta dig that stuff out, look it straight in the eye.

In the meantime, my plan is to always first decrease the anxiety, then examine it. Kava helps me a great deal, so does Rescue Remedy.

Hugs to you!
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:01 AM
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Yeah I need to get on an exercise regime again. I felt pretty good when I was out running a lot in the summer.

I am going to an acupuncturist this week. Hopefully it helps. Unfortunately sometimes it gets to a point where it feels like u need instant results. I'm having a serious patience problem lately.

Also it seems like whenever I feel the need to excercise the most as far as running off some anger, etc. I'm in the most pain from the endo or too depressed to get up lol, etc.

These damn hormones. I swear!
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:51 PM
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How much time had passed from when you left the ex until this new guy entered the picture if you don't mind me asking?
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Old 02-06-2011, 06:14 PM
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I have not ventured into any new relationships so I haven't experienced anything that intense but I think I know what you are talking about.

This summer my neighbors built a fence around their yard. They told me they were going to do it the first time we talked. When they got around to doing it they built the wall between our two yards first. Big Whoop. I spent a week mentally torturing myself about why they would build that wall first and odviously I sucked and I need to read the signs better because they must not like me and here I've been waving and chatting like a big loser for 3 months blah blah blah. I mean - that is nuts - and pitiful.

I wouldn't last 10 days in a relationship.

Every time I had a crazy thought I corrected it with a more sane one. Eventually I let it go (and they finished the fence so it was no longer sperating just them and me)
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Old 02-06-2011, 06:47 PM
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Funny you should ask, I was just thinking about this today.

I'm in a long-distance relationship with a guy who's been a friend for many years. I never saw myself as the jealous type (if there is such a type) -- I think I have a pretty... pedestrian view of relationships: If someone really lvoes me, they can be surrounded by runway models with Ph.Ds and stand-up comedy sense of humor, and it's not going to matter. That's how I feel about this guy -- we just fit together on a very fundamental level, I think I am experiencing "grown-up love" for the first time in my life, and I trust him completely and utterly.

HOWEVER -- I've found this fear reaction in myself whenever I see one of his cute students comment on something on facebook... and it's not about him. It's about me. And I know that. I can feel my heart lacing up its spiked sprinter shoes and try to take off and run the other way, and then I tackle it (my heart) and we have this wrestling match where I say, "HEY! WHERE do you think YOU'RE going???" and my heart says "I'm only going to get hurt again and there are so many women in the world who are prettier and smarter and funnier and richer and nicer and better at everything than you are, so I'm going to run like hell right now because I can't take being broken again, OK?"

And then I cradle my heart like I did my kids when they were little, and rock it back to comfort and tell it that we're in this together; we're not going to do anything stupid; and at the first real sign of trouble, we will be running the other way, Michael Johnson-speed. But we need a real sign. Not just brain ghosts that are really leftover toxic gases from a bad marriage to an A.

I have anxiety attacks, too. When I wake up at 2 am and think, "but what if this guy is the same way? What if he's just waiting for me to get comfortable and then he'll start manipulating me and breaking me down step by step?" -- and I think that's, again, something I have to figure out in my head, how to not carry over stuff from the past.
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:18 PM
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Oh my gosh you guys thanks for reassuring me that other people do feel this way. Yeah, I don't consider myself to be the jealous type, but man o man....

I worry about him cheating on me with a nurse or something, once a friend told me that seems like most doctors cheat on their wives with their nurses....

I'm hyperventilating just thinking about being played for a fool once more!

Very good stuff to do for when I start feel that way. Thanks!
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:39 PM
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Absolutely...

I'm convince I have PTSD. I'm not kidding. The slightest ******** will set me off. One of the reasons I'm still with my wife is that I'm fairly certain no sane woman would put up with my crap (all psychological-- I am constitutionally unable to hit a female-- which is totally sexist by the way-- I have no problems with hitting men).

You seem to be doing the right things, and I'd bet that over time you'll find yourself becoming more sane. If I'm ever single again, I'm just going to be upfront with my craziness for whatever poor gal decides she likes me.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

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Old 02-07-2011, 06:03 PM
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HOWEVER -- I've found this fear reaction in myself whenever I see one of his cute students comment on something on facebook... and it's not about him. It's about me. And I know that. I can feel my heart lacing up its spiked sprinter shoes and try to take off and run the other way, and then I tackle it (my heart) and we have this wrestling match where I say, "HEY! WHERE do you think YOU'RE going???" and my heart says "I'm only going to get hurt again and there are so many women in the world who are prettier and smarter and funnier and richer and nicer and better at everything than you are, so I'm going to run like hell right now because I can't take being broken again, OK?"
Yes, lillamy, I am trying to remember this right now. Because he hasnt called tonight.
dammit, it will be alright.
more soothing to my heart.
i must remember it has been good so far, and he told me he would not be able to call every night.
it will be fine. i will be fine.

If I'm ever single again, I'm just going to be upfront with my craziness for whatever poor gal decides she likes me.
Well, change the pronouns to guy and this is what I have done.
And so far he has been more than okay with it.
He laughed and said he used to have to earn his knowledge the old fashioned way,
the school of hard knocks.

Beth
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