Letting Go and getting sick of it
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
And L2L that sounded snappy towards you, when I was really just in a rush. I know i"m not taking care of myself, but have really been struggling. It's math, really, I have so many hours in the day and absolutely need financial independence.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hugs and thanks for motivating me to do my yoga today. Today Allergy Hell started. And I also got a UTI. And am not doing my best with $$ so worried about the doc/medicines. Ugh. And also got a lot of stress and anxiety today, long story but I am definitely NOT in a good place. Thanks for the reminder to take care of myself.
Oh and those two, well their comments have not been nice. Perhaps they had those thoughts, well why do they have to say them out loud? and to YOU? you deserve friends that know the meaning of basic respect.... and if the wife just died why isn't "Mr I have No Issues" mourning her?? sheesh.
Hugs!!
Oh and those two, well their comments have not been nice. Perhaps they had those thoughts, well why do they have to say them out loud? and to YOU? you deserve friends that know the meaning of basic respect.... and if the wife just died why isn't "Mr I have No Issues" mourning her?? sheesh.
Hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Transform, this too shall pass. I mean the feelings. That's what I'm telling myself at the moment anyway. And as for that friend of yours and the business partner, they both sound like arseholes to me. The friend sounds patronising and 'up himself'. And, yeah, why isn't he grieving? The business partner is, as you've described, a narcissist. I hope things get better for you soon...I'm sending cyber hugs your way....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Trans,
I believe that with people like this, there is not much you can do to change things. I would make them as small a part of my life as possible, and when in contact, I would act as if nothing at all was bothering me. let them believe that you are happy, and that you dont even notice a problem. maybe not totally honest, but to back out of this snake pit would be my solution.
and focus on you, and your goals, and what makes you happy. your boss seems to be using you as an outlet for her anger/messedupness. just dont respond, just act as if........
and take care of you, get back in that good place you were in when i first joined here, and to hello with the rest.
hug
chicory
I believe that with people like this, there is not much you can do to change things. I would make them as small a part of my life as possible, and when in contact, I would act as if nothing at all was bothering me. let them believe that you are happy, and that you dont even notice a problem. maybe not totally honest, but to back out of this snake pit would be my solution.
and focus on you, and your goals, and what makes you happy. your boss seems to be using you as an outlet for her anger/messedupness. just dont respond, just act as if........
and take care of you, get back in that good place you were in when i first joined here, and to hello with the rest.
hug
chicory
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
You guys are AWESOME! I love this place! I'm so glad I have internet at home agian!
Cyranoak-you say this is one of your favorites? Why? I'm a self indulgent crybaby!! Is it a "man thing?" And you know, we can hook you up with female parts if you're interested. If you have enough money and flattery, my business partner will loan you hers.
TC- I hope you feel better soon Girlie!~
Thank you Chicory, this is awesome! Back out of the snake pit. Beautiful.
I ended the day yesterday with an email exchange with her that was professional and supportive. She was accusing me of paying household bills from out business account! (arshole is right) so I calmly said "I don't know what you're talking about but we should probably figure out what's going with the account," instead of raging at her.
That's the problem. When I feel attacked, I counter attack (whether its real or imagined) so the combination of her narcissism and my PTSD is a cocktail made in heaven!
We're getting on a plane together again on Sunday for a weeks business trip to Cali. I better get my arse in shape emotionally so we can make more money.
Today I'm still in pain but determined to not medicate from it. I'm tellin ya! How do alcoholics and addicts stand being high all the time? It sucks! It really plays on your emotions, unless that's the chronic pain, but it's nearly 7am and I'm SO glad to not be stoned, even if the pain is still there..
Cyranoak-you say this is one of your favorites? Why? I'm a self indulgent crybaby!! Is it a "man thing?" And you know, we can hook you up with female parts if you're interested. If you have enough money and flattery, my business partner will loan you hers.
TC- I hope you feel better soon Girlie!~
I believe that with people like this, there is not much you can do to change things. I would make them as small a part of my life as possible, and when in contact, I would act as if nothing at all was bothering me. let them believe that you are happy, and that you dont even notice a problem. maybe not totally honest, but to back out of this snake pit would be my solution.
and focus on you, and your goals, and what makes you happy. your boss seems to be using you as an outlet for her anger/messedupness. just dont respond, just act as if........
and take care of you, get back in that good place you were in when i first joined here, and to hello with the rest.
and focus on you, and your goals, and what makes you happy. your boss seems to be using you as an outlet for her anger/messedupness. just dont respond, just act as if........
and take care of you, get back in that good place you were in when i first joined here, and to hello with the rest.
I ended the day yesterday with an email exchange with her that was professional and supportive. She was accusing me of paying household bills from out business account! (arshole is right) so I calmly said "I don't know what you're talking about but we should probably figure out what's going with the account," instead of raging at her.
That's the problem. When I feel attacked, I counter attack (whether its real or imagined) so the combination of her narcissism and my PTSD is a cocktail made in heaven!
We're getting on a plane together again on Sunday for a weeks business trip to Cali. I better get my arse in shape emotionally so we can make more money.
Today I'm still in pain but determined to not medicate from it. I'm tellin ya! How do alcoholics and addicts stand being high all the time? It sucks! It really plays on your emotions, unless that's the chronic pain, but it's nearly 7am and I'm SO glad to not be stoned, even if the pain is still there..
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
from what you describe of your colleague I would have laid a million poounds on her dating anyone you were interested in, she isn't your friend, she treats you abysmally, it is entirely true to form for her to do this, please don't take it to heart, because her behaviour isn't about you at all.
he is a free agent, and able to date whenever and whomever he wants, I don't think it's fair to question his grief for his wife, we all get to move on at whatever pace we are comfortable with.
I understand you feeling betrayed, and that you get this is your issue not theirs. that they are not doing this to you, they are just being them.
I remember you talking about how you had issues with your husbands drinking and then he had an affair, changing the dynamic of the relationship problems to being all about his infidelity. To many people, infidelity would have been the final nail in the coffin of the relationship. done. but for you it seemed to make you fight harder to rescue it, even thouh it was seriously damaged before. As if him making himself less available, introducing an element of competition upped your need to stay, entangled you more?
Just a thought Tf, but do you think you might like your male friend so much precisely because he is not available to you as a partner? first his wife then the death of his wife, then not wanting to go out with you unless you are different (less "issues")? and now he has introduced the element of competition ramping up your feelings further?
I have self-esteem issues, so I (in the back of my mind) think that if someone wants me they must be inherently flawed (mind you, I've not been very wrong here!), and if they don't they must be better than me, so I am attracted to people who require "winning", I therefore prove to myself that I am better than I think if I can win someone over who is "better" than me. But this latter thinking is flawed, someone can not be attracted to me just because we don't fit, rather than becasue they are superior, and can have all manner of their own quirks that won't work for me, and wanting me to be different than I am is a big quirk.
you might be entirely different to me, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
You think he can be pompous, he takes a woman out to dinner and says he should be there with you, but tells you if you were different he would date you. So maybe it might be worth thinking about why you like him so much and feel so betrayed? You deserve to have someone who likes you just as you are right now.
he is a free agent, and able to date whenever and whomever he wants, I don't think it's fair to question his grief for his wife, we all get to move on at whatever pace we are comfortable with.
I understand you feeling betrayed, and that you get this is your issue not theirs. that they are not doing this to you, they are just being them.
I remember you talking about how you had issues with your husbands drinking and then he had an affair, changing the dynamic of the relationship problems to being all about his infidelity. To many people, infidelity would have been the final nail in the coffin of the relationship. done. but for you it seemed to make you fight harder to rescue it, even thouh it was seriously damaged before. As if him making himself less available, introducing an element of competition upped your need to stay, entangled you more?
Just a thought Tf, but do you think you might like your male friend so much precisely because he is not available to you as a partner? first his wife then the death of his wife, then not wanting to go out with you unless you are different (less "issues")? and now he has introduced the element of competition ramping up your feelings further?
I have self-esteem issues, so I (in the back of my mind) think that if someone wants me they must be inherently flawed (mind you, I've not been very wrong here!), and if they don't they must be better than me, so I am attracted to people who require "winning", I therefore prove to myself that I am better than I think if I can win someone over who is "better" than me. But this latter thinking is flawed, someone can not be attracted to me just because we don't fit, rather than becasue they are superior, and can have all manner of their own quirks that won't work for me, and wanting me to be different than I am is a big quirk.
you might be entirely different to me, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
You think he can be pompous, he takes a woman out to dinner and says he should be there with you, but tells you if you were different he would date you. So maybe it might be worth thinking about why you like him so much and feel so betrayed? You deserve to have someone who likes you just as you are right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
oh and I forgot to say, my first love who I dated from 18 to 21, went on to date 3 (THREE!) of my best female friends. I do know how you feel, one did it in secret for months in order "to spare my feelings" but both avoiding me and acting weird so that I thought I must have done something really bad to offend them. As soon as I found out I gave them both a big hug, told them it didn't bother me at all, and was really pleased for them. They lasted 2 whole weeks after that because they needed the drama of my hurt and whatever to sustain the "star-crossed lovers" passion that they had, without it they had zippo.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hey Jen, thanks for your thoughts.
I realized this morning that the first order of business is getting myself sane again, then see if any of this matters. Ordinarily, it doesn't. But I've been so jacked up physically and emotionally that these old patterns emerge.
Today, my dear old friend is what he has always been and I don't care. He's a man wh0re, a scared little child that sometimes acts out but mostly has been there for me at my worst times in the best way he knows how to be. We've come together over the past 30 years when each of us have major issues, supported each other.
I didn't think I was questioning his grief, though. Just accepting him where he was. Thankfully we didn't hook up, he's a train wreck. But I do and will love this guy forever, regardless, or rather while knowing that he's a train wreck. He just can't be trusted in the same way my business partner can't be trusted. They'd make a good match actually.
Today I see his little game as pathetic, and her constant need for attention and to control everything as the same. I allowed it to push my buttons because I was in such a poor state of self care-just as L2L and Naive pointed out, and tried to gently usher me back to taking care of Transform. Thank you.
Apparently, the didn't actually go out on the date, for whatever reason, but I dont' care. He's taking me out to do distribution tomorrow as I still don't have a reliable car-but i will! And my overwhelming feeling of anxiety is subsiding. I think it might have been in part due to the drugs, due to no exercise and all work, due to the electromagnitic field of the earth shifting or whateveh.
I realized this morning that the first order of business is getting myself sane again, then see if any of this matters. Ordinarily, it doesn't. But I've been so jacked up physically and emotionally that these old patterns emerge.
Today, my dear old friend is what he has always been and I don't care. He's a man wh0re, a scared little child that sometimes acts out but mostly has been there for me at my worst times in the best way he knows how to be. We've come together over the past 30 years when each of us have major issues, supported each other.
I didn't think I was questioning his grief, though. Just accepting him where he was. Thankfully we didn't hook up, he's a train wreck. But I do and will love this guy forever, regardless, or rather while knowing that he's a train wreck. He just can't be trusted in the same way my business partner can't be trusted. They'd make a good match actually.
Today I see his little game as pathetic, and her constant need for attention and to control everything as the same. I allowed it to push my buttons because I was in such a poor state of self care-just as L2L and Naive pointed out, and tried to gently usher me back to taking care of Transform. Thank you.
Apparently, the didn't actually go out on the date, for whatever reason, but I dont' care. He's taking me out to do distribution tomorrow as I still don't have a reliable car-but i will! And my overwhelming feeling of anxiety is subsiding. I think it might have been in part due to the drugs, due to no exercise and all work, due to the electromagnitic field of the earth shifting or whateveh.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Ooh, i wish i could go on this distribution run.
So much fun.
What I could learn from Mr. MW.
<snicker>
go in peace lakota woman, and dont fight the universe. (shifting earth and all that).
Beth
So much fun.
What I could learn from Mr. MW.
<snicker>
go in peace lakota woman, and dont fight the universe. (shifting earth and all that).
Beth
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
sorry that wasn't very clear - I wasn't suggesting you were questioning his grief, I think someone else mentioned it.
very glad you're feeling better, and great news on being closer to your own transport!
very glad you're feeling better, and great news on being closer to your own transport!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Wicked, remember that dream I had about you, Kmart, crazy boots and flying monkeys? It's all making sense now.
And Jen, that makes sense. I think someone else did say why isn't he grieving his wife? The whole situation is really awful, it's one of the reasons I won't date him-she was stunningly beautiful and he loved her more than anything. I'm not interested in competing with a dead wife.
And Jen, that makes sense. I think someone else did say why isn't he grieving his wife? The whole situation is really awful, it's one of the reasons I won't date him-she was stunningly beautiful and he loved her more than anything. I'm not interested in competing with a dead wife.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Wicked, remember that dream I had about you, Kmart, crazy boots and flying monkeys? It's all making sense now.
My dream was that you were laughing out loud (a real laugh) at something I said.
Good.
(or think of me in crazy boots flying above the car with my minion monkeys while on the distro run.
just keeping an eye out for ya.)i know you have long hair, i was wondering if you use it like my daughter does.
hers is about mid waist, dark blonde and very wavy curly.
she takes the back of her hand, and flings it back over her shouders
(so you can see her expression)
and says,
"WHAT did you just say?"
i am tellin ya, it gets her boyfriend a little light headed.
practice first though if you havent done it in a while.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi transformy glad you are feeling better. Sometimes things look worse at night! I feel better thanks.... nothing will prevent me from doing yoga this afternoon, and maybe I even go to my dancing lesson once again. It would be my first one after my accident, I am so grateful.
I was the one who questioned him but Jen is right, mourning or no mourning, everyone has the right to their feelings (or lack of feelings, or denial of feelings... ) it is his stuff and his stuff only.
And yes, being caught off guard makes things worse. We have to be OK then nothing others say or do will be "important"... or maybe we will give it importance for a short while, then go back to our happy place...
I was the one who questioned him but Jen is right, mourning or no mourning, everyone has the right to their feelings (or lack of feelings, or denial of feelings... ) it is his stuff and his stuff only.
And yes, being caught off guard makes things worse. We have to be OK then nothing others say or do will be "important"... or maybe we will give it importance for a short while, then go back to our happy place...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by wicked 
she takes the back of her hand, and flings it back over her shouders
(so you can see her expression)
and says,
"WHAT did you just say?"
(so you can see her expression)
and says,
"WHAT did you just say?"
Sometimes adults mess up and think he's a girl, but the girls definitely don't. And he has no clue about either situation. Well, maybe he's starting to.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
yes I have long hair but am more inclined to keep it pulled back lately.
I talked to my friend today, he's being very sweet. We;ll spend about 12 hours in a car together tomorrow so I'm pretty unnerved. Business partner sent me an email telling me to "go take care of distribution with XXX and straighten some things out," which means she's been talking to him. God knows what she told him.
For now I"m working on a one sentence response, something like, "if you want to talk about our relationship that's great, but I'm not comfortable discussing my bus. partner with you."
Went to class today, it was brutal. Going back in the morning. I imagined the anxiety being pushed through my pores like the sweat today in class. Still fairly anxious though, it'll take a good week to clear this up and then I get on a plane with her for a week straight!
I can do it though, I just need to keep my Narcissistic Survival Guide with me..
Hugs everyone!
I talked to my friend today, he's being very sweet. We;ll spend about 12 hours in a car together tomorrow so I'm pretty unnerved. Business partner sent me an email telling me to "go take care of distribution with XXX and straighten some things out," which means she's been talking to him. God knows what she told him.
For now I"m working on a one sentence response, something like, "if you want to talk about our relationship that's great, but I'm not comfortable discussing my bus. partner with you."
Went to class today, it was brutal. Going back in the morning. I imagined the anxiety being pushed through my pores like the sweat today in class. Still fairly anxious though, it'll take a good week to clear this up and then I get on a plane with her for a week straight!
I can do it though, I just need to keep my Narcissistic Survival Guide with me..
Hugs everyone!
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