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Separating from AH of 18 yrs...

Old 02-08-2011, 07:07 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by whereisthisgoin View Post
I felt like I was reading my own words.
Me Too!

While I wish no one had to endure what I have, I continue to be relieved that I am not alone. And I'm continually amazed at how these alcoholics behave in almost exactly the same way. It is as if they are all clones of each other.
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:19 AM
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All same for me too.

I love this way of describing those frustrating times.

Originally Posted by ToBeSerene View Post
... until the next make-no-sense day! ...
I am going to be using this phrase in my head to make it easier to turn around and detach from my frustration.
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Old 02-08-2011, 11:02 AM
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Had an emotional phone conversation today with AH (I was crying - he was monotone) He's not yet able to understand that every lie, every drink, every broken promise took a brick out of my foundation with him. I feel like I'm out of love for him and I want out of the chaos. He's relapsed after 16 +/- months sobriety - after near liver failure and inpatient treatment. He doesn't see the relapse as a big deal - more that I'm not willing to work on our relationship. Oh AND he feels if "he stops drinking nothing changes anyway" - wow. They can be so logical and believeable ... I'm a smart one and he still can make my head spin! But my heart doesn't ache anymore - I've noticed this shift and I'm listening to it.

I'm tired of hearing how he's disappointed in me - not sexual enough for him and now he feels I've been that way for 12+ years. He asks "Can you guarantee that you will change if I guarantee I won't drink?" - WHAT?? Then he's civil the next day and it all softens into the sunset - until the next make-no-sense day
This is exactly how it is with us. Even down to relapsing after quitting and refusing to quit again because he didn't feel any better when he quit the last time. Logic can not get through to him, he wants the comfort of alcohol too much.

I get the blame too, He won't quit because I won't promise to change what I consider perfectly rational reactions/behavior such as asking "Why aren't you getting paid this month?"
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by zrx1200R View Post
Me Too!

While I wish no one had to endure what I have, I continue to be relieved that I am not alone. And I'm continually amazed at how these alcoholics behave in almost exactly the same way. It is as if they are all clones of each other.
That's exactly what makes alcoholism a disease.
there are textbook signs and symptoms.
but there are no labs or diagnostic tests to physically take some blood and say "yup, you've got alcoholism"
for me it's about looking at the behaviors.
I struggle with hope.
I struggle with the idea that he will never be happy, never grow or be the person I thought and believed he could be (which is what kept me here all these years to begin with).
Worse...I worry I'll follow the same patterns in MY life...
I'll either beg and plead for him to come home, and he will
our life will not change.
it will get worse.
two sick people raising 3 kids = 5 very sick people.
or I'll stay strong, he'll REALLY leave ...
and I'll eventually meet someone new...who of course will be an alcoholic, become an alcoholic or an alcoholic in recovery...
and I'll doom myself to failure again.
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Old 02-08-2011, 05:37 PM
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blwninthewind:

He won't leave. Why should he? They only leave when they sober up and come face to face with the lie their entire life has been.
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