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He says he's ready to quit

Old 02-03-2011, 10:13 AM
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He says he's ready to quit

So over the course of about 2 days I've been confronting alcoholic husband. The other night he finally broke down and cried, and came totally clean. He's tried to stop before, said he's so embarrassed, and he's really ready to get off this ride. He struggles with it every day. We've discussed divorce and he's terrified of losing me and our son. He even said he'd like to go to an AA meeting with me, and he is open to counseling as well.

I know this is everything I wanted to hear, but I'm wary! I think I'm actually more scared of recovery than just leaving! It seems so unsure, you know? He could go back anytime, and he may hide it better. I don't want to be fooled again.

Any words of wisdom from family of newly recovering alcoholics?
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Old 02-03-2011, 10:25 AM
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Honestly, I'd say this is a particularly good time to detach from the outcome of this situation, since you simply do not control it (or your AH for that matter). Yes, he may well relapse, or he may not. Not a thing you can do about it.

If he IS ready to quit, then weepy statements won't get him started. Taking action will. And again, that ball is completely in his court. He can easily find himself an AA group and/or an addiction counsellor. When a person is ready, there's no stopping him.

On your side of things, it would be wise to start attending Al-Anon to work on detaching and focusing on yourself.
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Old 02-03-2011, 10:46 AM
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Why would you go to an AA meeting? That's his deal. Are you an alcoholic? It's not supportive to go with him. I promise it's not. Being thoughtful of the process, detaching so that you can take care of yourself and your child, and leaving him to his own recovery journey is supportive and loving.

So, he goes to AA. You go to Alanon.. it'll be really helpful.

His recovery is not dependent or contingent on you or any decisions you make, support you provide, or role you try to play in it. He has to want it more than anything else, more than your marriage, more than your family.
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Old 02-03-2011, 10:55 AM
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This is such a hard time for you. In alanon they always say "take care of you". I think this is so important. Do what you think in your gut is best for YOU. I found that trying to emotionally detatch while he tried to work on his recovery was helpful. With lots of practice, it got to a point where it did not matter wheather he drank or not. I would be able to have a peaceful and calm day if he chose to drink or he chose recovery.

I will not lie, it is very very hard. From the tone of your post, it sounds like there is not a lot of trust in his words. I agree with others, his actions will be the thing to determine what HIS future will hold. You need to decide what a healthy future looks like for you. Of course it will hurt if that healthy future is not the picture of future you always held dear in your heart. Once you decide what is right....you CAN do it!
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