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Saying no to ABF and saying goodbye to codie ways...

Old 02-03-2011, 06:31 AM
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Angry Saying no to ABF and saying goodbye to codie ways...

Over the past year, ABF has been making failed attempts to "cut down" and "not drink like an alcoholic." Decided to go to an AA meeting two weeks ago (drunk) and got even drunker afterwards. Then went to another meeting (drunker, of course). We have been on something of a hiatus since...told him I needed time and space. Felt like I needed space to decide whether the love I have for him is worthwhile. We talked yesterday, he said he had gotten drunk the night before and lost his keys and broke his phone, and didn't remember if he'd left the house or not. (Usually, he just drinks by himself at home). He sounded like he'd been drinking, and wanted me to come over and make dinner. Yeah right! I'd just gotten home from an eleven-hour day!! Told him I still needed space.

Fast forward to five a.m, and I get a call from jail. He decided to go out (unusual for him) and "party" and got pulled over coming home. DUI, car towed, jail. He was still a bit drunk when he called, don't know how long he'd been there. He said he loved me and he wanted me to come get him. Also said "they're not being nice to me here." Told him he was lucky he hadn't killed anyone and it was not my responsibility to come get him. I did give him the phone number of his roommate (also an alcoholic). Didn't know what else to do--I was still asleep.

I guess that is kind of that nasty thing I've been waiting for...some real, external consequences of his drinking. (Of course,I would NEVER wish anyone was hurt).

so. Guess I just needed to vent. Anyone had similar experiences? Of course I can't go back to sleep now. More work in a few hours. Boooo...
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:45 AM
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When people do something wrong/irresponsible.. for example, when they get in their car and drive drunk.. there is a risk and that risk can bring consequences. One of the consequences could be harming or injuring yourself or others, one could be falling foul of the law and ending up with a DUI and jail time.

Last night, your ABF was lucky he didn't face the former. But, the latter rained down on him. His phonecall was an, 'I love you, make this better for me, make it go away'. Kudos to you for not making his mess your responsibility.

You handled the consequences.. time will tell if he does.

Keep strong, sweetie. Keep on your side of the street dealing with your 'mess', his side is not yours to own.

*hugs*

Tx
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:53 AM
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Thank you :)

Thank you for your support. I felt guilty enough to call the jail and find out how to bail him out (they'll let him out later today) but I'm still not going to go.

Glad he has had real consequences, and SO GLAD no one was hurt.

Back to sweeping my side of the street.
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Old 02-03-2011, 06:58 AM
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Don't you bail him out! I think you're doing great.
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:02 AM
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I say a big old NO to the bailing him out. Consequences.. let him face them and (hopefully) learn from them.

Time for him to put on his big girl panties!

Tx
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:25 AM
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You are far wiser than I was. For me it was my AH who made the same call and I came running and bailed him out and got him a lawyer and he ended up getting out of everything and learned nothing. He is now my XAH and still has not learned anything. I, however, finally "got it" and gave up worrying about him and just started focusing on me. Life is much better now.

You're a smart lady. Kudos to you.
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:26 AM
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Thanks again

Definitely not going to bail him out. But scary to think how strong that pull is on me, I haven't stopped wondering about him since he called, and I wonder if his roommate will get him, and where our relationship will go now. Despite everything, I do love him very much. Guess I am hoping this is one of those wake-up moments for him. He has really been spiralling out of control this month, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:28 AM
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Thanks! I am hoping this is a wake-up call for him. He has been getting out of control, worse than ever, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I was glad it wasn't a call from the hospital. Don't want that to be the next one
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Old 02-03-2011, 07:29 AM
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ps: RollTide, congratulations to you for focussing on yourself. You deserve it. Good luck, and keep it up
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