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Breaking up

Old 02-02-2011, 08:32 AM
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Breaking up

Hi Everyone...just wanted to keep everyone updated and let everyone know that I am no longer with my alcoholic boyfriend. My breaking point was last night when he informed me that he was going on vacation next month with his parents and brother (he is 34). He also mentioned that he wasnt allowed to bring anyone as a guest because it was a family thing. So I ended it right there and then because I realized I am not even a consideration anymore in his life. I was the perfect enabler and he crapped all over me. I dont want to be his enabler anymore because its not the right thing to do. By the way, i found out that his 22 year old brother is bringing his girlfriend so he was lying to me about not being allowed to bring anyone.

I gave my blood, sweat and tears to him but its not worth it anymore. He wants to be able to go on this vacation without me nagging him about his drinking and being his parole officer. I feel like a weight was just lifted. And when I told him that I was done for good, he didnt even blink an eye. He just said ok and let me walk out the door. It feels good that this horrible battle is finally over, but it does hurt that I tried so hard to make the relationship work and he never met me half way. I guess he doesnt need me because he'll always have alcohol and that will always be his "one true love".....it is bittersweet.
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:40 AM
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it does hurt, but think how lucky you are to be getting out before things get worse as his alcoholism progresses.
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:53 AM
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Good for you. Move on and don't look back.

Be ready for an email/call from him within the month, after his vacation where he'll apologize and say he's good and the vacation was really just for him to clear his head and quack friggin quack.
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:57 AM
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Bravo! Good for you. Now move quickly. And realize he will say and do anything to get you back. He will be calling you shortly. I highly recommend getting a new cell phone number. Keep the old one if you must, just to give your new number to other people that call. But do not even listen to his messages. They will be lies. Trust me, and everyone else on here who will say the same thing. Many of us have seen this countless times.

While he's on vacation, you will be starting a new life. Change your door locks, color your hair. Go buy some new clothes.

YOU ARE FREE! Don't waste it.
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Old 02-02-2011, 09:10 AM
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To add to the previous poster's suggestion, I would advise that you take some time to care for YOU. Treat yourself to some nice outings, a good book, a cool yoga class, and perhaps a copy of "Codependent No More", so you can begin to reflect on why you were with this person to begin with.

I'm sorry this event is so bittersweet. Give yourself time and things will begin to clarify themselves to you.
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Old 02-02-2011, 09:11 AM
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No, i doubt he will call. His life is way too fun. He lives like he is still in college/frat house and he is 34. He has a roomate and there is always people coming in and out of their apartment to party. They have made friends with 19 and 20 year old college girls that they always go out with and live near 20 bars. I am a buzz kill and probably too old already at 25. I wont even cross his mind until they move out of that place and everyone else goes away but that will be years down the line.

I am going to start playing in a softball league in the spring so I can meet new people and I am not going out to the bars for awhile because they give me a sick feeling for all the crap I went through while i was there with him.
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Old 02-02-2011, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by duqld1717 View Post
No, i doubt he will call. His life is way too fun. He lives like he is still in college/frat house and he is 34. He has a roomate and there is always people coming in and out of their apartment to party. They have made friends with 19 and 20 year old college girls that they always go out with and live near 20 bars. I am a buzz kill and probably too old already at 25. I wont even cross his mind until they move out of that place and everyone else goes away but that will be years down the line.

I am going to start playing in a softball league in the spring so I can meet new people and I am not going out to the bars for awhile because they give me a sick feeling for all the crap I went through while i was there with him.
25 too old? Please.
That's more like youngsterville.
Yeah, bars are lame. Give it time. I wish I had years of time back. I would take them all and evaluate any potential mates carefully...Much like you've already done for yourself.
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:13 AM
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Congratulations!

Now it's time for YOU to go out and live YOUR life. <3

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Old 02-02-2011, 04:33 PM
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Sorry to hear that he treated you that way, duq.

Do something nice for yourself this weekend (if not before!) and breath a huge sigh of relief that you were able to get out now. And maybe, in a little while, get a copy of co-dependent no more just to make sure that you don't make a habit of this kind of relationship in the future.
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Old 02-02-2011, 04:45 PM
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I'm sorry you are hurting right now *hugs* but you will come to see it is for the best.

You deserve better. You can get better. You can have better.

Whether he contacts you or not is of (and should be of) no consequence. Start working toward closing that chapter and opening a brand new fresh one.. for you and about you.. with good people and good things in it.

Tx
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Old 02-02-2011, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Shellcrusher View Post
quack friggin quack.
too funny
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Old 02-02-2011, 04:59 PM
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Thanks everyone! I'm ready to finally start my life instead of going in circles!!!!
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Old 02-02-2011, 07:47 PM
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Amen! Take care of YOU! I have been in ur shoes and enough of those "Who cares" and "OK" comments start to really tear you apart emotionally. I think we are all in the same boat...Trying to Love something that CANT Love you back!!
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:01 PM
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And when I told him that I was done for good, he didnt even blink an eye. He just said ok and let me walk out the door.

Mine did not blink!! LOL
I still remember him staring at the distance. Beer in hand.

Please listen to the others and go No Contact. Don't be surprised if he gets someone else right away. That is MODUS OPERANDI. It is better if you don't know what he is up to. Because it will always hurt. I got heads up about XABF's life 367269460 times. Felt horrible every single one of them until it was enough pain and I blocked him from mail, Facebook, stopped talking to anyone who knew him. Definitely not worth it. But I suffered unnecessarily for months. Wish I could save you that.

I am 29 and also feel ancient LOL. So glad you already got plans for summer. Please get that book so you don't end up with the same person in a different body... you are worth way more than that !! and I also know "party people" well into their 30s. Alcoholics. It becomes sad. Just a few weeks ago one of them died at age 37.

It may look like you are missing the fun and he "wins" but reality comes down to, you are choosing lasting happiness, health and life and he is choosing a slow dead everyday.

Hugs!!
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