Strucken

Hello everyone,

I'm new to site first time posting. I visited here for several months trying to figure out a right or wrong way to help....I come to realize there is no way to help!

I'm in a 4yr relationship with a pill(flourict/butibal) and Alcohol mom...When I met her she seemed so perfect 2 kids 5 and 12 and very great to kids living at home with parents because ex husband got into drugs and gave up...lol...so stupid me opens my arms and within 8 months moved her and her 2 children in my home. From day 1 I seen signs of some strange behavior and very aggressive and selfishness behavior. Me being in lust blew it off to what she said was always something(migraines...post pardum....stress...kids) After a yr went by and the first child I noticed her mood swings and very abusive and controlling ways come out almost daily. OK fast forward.....I could write a book. She was never happy with anything...said ignorant stuff to everyone and basically treated everyone i knew and her own family like crap. She then after a dss case decided she was addicted to flor/but...admitted herself to rehab for 7 days..got out was very thankful and blah blah....2 weeks later same ****. Now after 2 kids with her...1 and 2 yrs old. I have called the police on her multiple times due to her insane behavior that no-one can control..her parents have enabled her for 4 yrs by always believing her stories that im a nut and crazy for calling cops. Her 15 yr old daughter has told me on several occasions "Thats my mom...take girls and run...shes not gonna change"...So after 4 yrs...she finally decides she is done and cant take anymore of the abusive behavior from me....lol...Or do you think shes mad that I finally put my foot down and don't let her run free with my debit card...I don't let her push the kids off on me(which I don't mind) Taking away alot from her she has totally turned on me....Says she wants out but its been 3 months and she still cannot find a job...HMMMM? They totally believe in there head that they are the victim...and she try's to get people around her to believe her sob stories. All I know if you know anyone on those drugs mixed with alcohol....run run run. I swear off of everything shes a great mother and person...But Lately its been non stop for 8 weeks. They cheat...they lie about every damn thing...they have zero remorse or heart at all. She will yell in front of kids...I have told her to quit and she gets louder...So im at wits end and just trying to find the best way to get out...Cause she wont. Sorry for rambling....

Cyranoak

When I decided to finally leave I rented a room from a buddy and left. It wasn't easy to decide to leave at all, and it took me years to do, but leaving was very, very easy.

Good luck my friend.

Cyranoak

Learn2Live

(((hugs))) Strucken. to SR. So glad you posted and shared your story with us. Have you heard of AlAnon? You may want to give it a try.

Strucken

After reading several posts....I am understanding so much more that everyone's stories are so much alike.

Its my home and she has zero respect for me or home...I just need to get myself help before I destroy my life.

I am going to start attending alanon classes this week. But yes I have put everything I enjoy on the back burner trying to fix and help her.

My kids are my biggest concern...shes already had a couple run ins with dss and I just need her ass far away.

I truly love her when she sober...but them days are getting slim to none and lately I don't trust her one ounce with whoring around to get attention or sympathy. And that's the line of no return for me.

Thanks everyone

newby1961

Wow i am an addict myself but have been clean 7 years, you are explaining a typical addict. When we don't get what we want when we are in our addiction we will go to any length to get it, its the nature of the disease, and yes addiction is a disease. I think it is an excellent idea to try Alanon because sometimes the people who love the addict end up getting as sick, if not sicker than the addict, because we have stuff to numb us but you all are forced to have to feel all the pain and anger. Letting go is hard but I'll tell you I could not hit bottom till I had exhausted every single person who enabled me to continue in my disease. I know it sounds harsh but you are actualy doing her a favor and hopefully she will reach her bottom faster? Keep the faith it does get better if not at least it will get different, and thank God these kids have you. Maybe her bottom might be DSS taking her kids from her and forcing her into treatment cause they will do that. I heard on the show intervention that when the non=addict keeps putting up with the nonsense of the addict they are being a part of the problem but when they go get help for themselves and confront that person by not allowing them to continue then they are living in the solution. Maybe an intervention is needed, just a thought?

Strucken

Newby thank you for your kind words..I have exhausted every avenue i can. I have tried evrything and she is so damn creative she finds new suckers to tell them im controlling for checking her phone bill. And im abusive for calling cops when she gets out of control. I work alot and try to maintain a household of 4 kids and me and addict. So I feel myself slipping on job and daily activities trying to "Help Her". She is now to the point that she wants out and has totally pushed me away with words of hatred and blaming me for every action she does. I cannot even sleep around her....I know she is sleeping around in search for another enabler. Its amazing that they DO NOT love you at all...she was only using thosae words when i was paying for her addiction and making her life easy. SHe says shes trying to get a place but that never pans out...Its amazing to me how 1 day I am the one....she loves me more than anyone she ever has....blah blah. The next week...get away..u disquest me....i hate you...your the problem...i never had these problems bf i met you....Just the most painful words anyone ever could hear. When all I do is support myself and 5 people and do whatever to make my kids happy.

nodaybut2day

Seems to me a few legal consultations are in order here.

If I understand correctly, your AW is getting high while caring for your infant children?? If so, then something needs to be done asap to ensure that they are not put in any danger. By "something" I mean, find alternate childcare.

wicked

I agree with Noday. Immediately, Strucken.
Get a different care for your children.
They are not being cared for by your wife.
Which means they are unsafe right now.

Beth

Strucken

They are attending daycare...so I make every attempt to be home at or before children are. I have called and talked to dfs and my dumb self took her back after they had a case to give me children over8 months ago. They are so manipulating and so damn beleivable its scarry. I fell a fool for a long time beleiving the stories and the it was "post pardum" Blah "migraines" "stress".

I want to return on some decisions I have made out of fear of the unknown. At this point she realizes I'm on to all her b.s. and lies. And that's why I decided to move her back in cause I fear my childrens safety. Its scary that a woman can continue to screw up and screw up and gets out of it. I just went to a court case where she left kids un-attended for a while so she could go outside or up the street to get away...guess what a damn $15 dollar court cost and was thrown out cause there were no other witnesses and she stated that i did it cause she was leaving me. The police report even said that she was very intoxicated and not obeying officers and was making no sense....This local court system is pathetic!

nodaybut2day

ok, since the children are in daycare, it sounds like it's time to DOCUMENT every friggin thing. You document in point form, writing down dates and times, and a very un-emotional description of the event:

"Monday, February 1, 2011, 8:30 p.m. Wife gets into a rage after stubbing her toe. Verbally assaults me."
"Tuesday, February 2, 2011, 12:30 p.m. Wife is passed out on living room floor"

Do this and slowly build your case. Start stashing important paperwork elsewhere (like a safety deposit box at the bank, or in a locked cabinet at work), just in case you'll need it later on.

If you are considering separating, you will need documentation and legal representation, no matter how crummy the legal system is. Heck, navigating the system can't be worse than the rollercoaster ride you're on now...

Tuffgirl

Very good advice, and also might make you FEEL better about your situation knowing you are preparing yourself with a back up exit plan. I've been saving money for months now - for a down payment on my own house - or a bigger house for me and my RAH. Either way, I will be ready. It's amazingly liberating and also helps mentally deflect the crap that they say to us.

Take care of those kids - they need you.

Strucken

Thanks for everyone's help and support! Sorry about my grammar..I get typing and cannot type fast enough to what my thoughts are. It is my home 100% her name is no-where on title or any paperwork. So My lawyer suggested filing for a eviction notice and booting her ass out. The problem with that is she will destroy my property knowing im kicking her and her 2 older kids out. And with that said it sucks cause that means my 2 little girls get to go with her. Its a screwed up ordeal and im trying to get a master plan figured out to where it works out I keep my babies with me safe and happy. She lashes out at them when shes drinking...And that is when I get aggressive quickly and all hell breaks loose. So now I don't say a word I grab children and either leave or go to the basement and play with girls till I can put them to bed.

Strucken

update attended alanon meeting last night. Seemed to help..But I must say everyone on here has helped alot more and the stories are so closely related. She decided she was leaving and moving out but has no where to go...Besides her x which is the reason shes in this state of hell. And her 1 friend that also has a huge addiction problem. So she took children and there sleeping where ever she decides. I filed for a exparte after yesterday she yelled and hit me infront of her son. Of course this damn system is insane for us men..so all I got was a court date. So at this point im just hurt and confused...Thanks

Strucken

Its amazing how they can make you feel so damn guilty...She continue's to tell me...I just want out...Your controlling....You make me wanna drink...Its better for kids...But will yell and treat kids terrible no-matter what. Its like there just a tool for her..And it breaks my heart to see my kids go through this.

Tuffgirl

Don't let her make you feel guilty. That's where your power is here. Just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk off. You know what's going on and why. You know what's better for the kids and its not having to grow up with an addict mother. You know the journey you face will be a hard one, but one with a light at the end of the tunnel. Her journey will be far more painful than yours...

Stay strong and firm, you'll be ok. It sucks, really really sucks, to be in this situation, doesn't it? But everyday away from the addict is a happier and more serene day, I promise you that.

wicked

She is driving around drunk with the kids?
Seems like there is something you can do about that.

Beth

Strucken

Wicked I agree...I have tried to call police and take keys. She knows how to leave and when and how to manipulate everything. She is on pills and a little alcohol....not always drunk. Its next to impossible for a cop to detect a long term pill popper.

Thanks to everyone for support...this place is great!

Yes its amazing that all the stories I read on here are so damn similar.

Strucken

Update....moved all her stuff out. have been receiving threats non stop about me keeping her things...shes calling cops if i dont let her in...i want kids...can you take them this weekend.

So i have not responded to one voicemail or text at all for this last week...finally today and yesterday no threats...

I continue to hear from her "I was in a abusive realitionship and want out" "I dont wanna yell around kids no more" "im sick of the cops being called on me" but she moved in to her ex husband place and he never picked up his own children when they lived with me and i had to tell his own son crying"hey buddy its ok he was busy or no car" or some lie to calm him down.

and her ex was the reason she is wheres shes at now...he was using and got her started at a young age......why the hell would she go back to him...and acts so damn happy...but leaves me drunk voicmails of zero importance and just messages trying to attack and vent anger.

Thanks

Summerpeach

Believe me, he's not the reasons she's using, She's using on her own. My ex from years ago was an adddict and my last ex a drunk and I didn't pick up either.
She sounds like she has some serious mental disorders and you did the right thing by having her leave.
The only place my heart breaks in this story, is for those two kids.

Save yourself and keep running the other way and learn the lesson from this

Strucken

Thanks Summer...Yes my only concern is my children and thats all. I have all my money and power trying to get them on a schedule and get them back home and safe. I Am really struggling with that more than her. I know she has been a addict for yrs and was to stupid to run earlier. Thanks