vujade

I don't think that anyone has thrown out the three C's yet. I live by them.

Understand that:

1. You didn't cause it.
2. You can't control it.
3. You can't cure it.

There are some great resources on this board that we could all summarize for you, but are really more effective if you read them yourself. Take a look at some of the stickies at the top. GREAT information.

To answer a couple of other things:

1. ALCOHOL is addictive. It has nothing to do with binge drinking or just one drink a year for 20 years (I believe Barb Dwyer's story is one of a "late blooming" alcoholic). No one is BORN an alcoholic...they become alcoholics. Some may be more prone than others but we aren't drunks at the age of 2.

2. If he WANTS to stop and CAN stop, then good for him. But unless he wants to, it doesn't matter a smidge what YOU want him to do. He's an adult. Sadly, if he wants to drink himself to death, its his right to do so.

3. If he can find someone else who will "put up" with his behavior, then great. It really doesn't matter though. What matters is: are YOU willing to be that girl. Because YOU don't have to do anything YOU don't want to do, either.

nodaybut2day

And once again, with feeling. You can get off this crazy ride. You are not legally bound to this...man.

duqld1717

This may make everyone laugh...it makes me laugh...This was sort of my wakeup call. I asked him last week what his idea of his perfect mate would be. His answer was: Someone who likes to get really drunk, a doctor or a lawyer so I dont have to work, and someone that doesnt nag me. He never mentioned anyting about personality, morals, beliefs etc like a normal person would. I knew then and there that I was dealing with a HUGE PROBLEM and that was him.

Bolina

Really, when someone tells you who they are, then it is pretty smart to listen to them.

Learn2Live

There are LOTS of people who think this way. I'm so glad he is at least honest with you about this, or at least brave enough to speak his truth. Life is much easier (and saner) when we take the time to find a mate with the same values and lifestyle as our own.

tallulah

Translation: He wants someone he can be drink buddies with; who will get as wasted and as fugged up as him; someone who can still hold down a good job, earning good money, to support his lifestyle; someone who will put up with his BS, either by being as fugged up as him or being oblivious to how fugged up he is.

Does that sound like you?

I agree, he's told you exactly who he is. Do you still want to give this person your precious life?

Tx

duqld1717

No that is not me at all. I would never want to support someone financially while they went out and drank and didnt give back in the relationship. I am a giving person but I feel like my current boyfriend is only a taker.

theuncertainty

OMG. I nearly choked on my water trying to not spray it all over my computer. Wow. That was pretty honest of him.

I'd just like to say "Yay for Duqld1717! For NOT being that person."

tallulah

duqld1717

There is more. He has claimed in the past that he has looked up law firms in the city that we live in and with certain law firms they put lawyers bio and pictures and email addresses on their website. He has admitted to emailing female lawyers and pretending he needed legal advice to get a conversation started and then would ask them out for a drink if they were willing. Most said no to his drink invitation he said, but isnt this so sad that he would do that. He also claimed to hang out where local law school students hang out......this is an obsession. It feels good to get all this out...up until now I was keeping all these dark secrets about him.

tallulah

I might be alone in this.. but I want to get you as far away from this fella as humanly possible *hugs*

SteppingUp

Sad indeed!

StarCat

This is your life and your future we're talking about here, duqld1717.

What are YOU worth to yourself?
And does he even come close to that?

Speaking from my personal experience, I wouldn't be comfortable dating a guy who is trying to hook up with female lawyers at the same time, and openly admitting that he's just looking for a free ride.

When you're in a relationship, do you want to be a person, or a meal ticket?

wicked

oh no, you are not alone in this.
my first ex was like this. for one, i could never, ever, measure up because he hated women.
for two, this made him an asshat of the tallest order.

so, you do need to get away from anyone who does not love you exactly as you are. you are imperfectly perfect and will find your match.

now, it feels like you are an audience to his drunken megalomaniac rantings.

for me, it did wear me down.
please get help for you.

Beth

Learn2Live

This reminds me of the stories I read in a book about Sociopaths. I think the book was called The Sociopath Next Door.

tallulah

Me too *nods*

Bolina

Do you have any insight into why you haven't laughed this guy all the way out of your life before now?

I do sympathise. I look back on the nonsense my ex came out with when we were together and shake my head. And I do find it hilarious now, despite the fact that he is a nasty, emotional abusive man (and yes, certainly displays some sociopathic traits). I just don't know how he said all of that stuff with a straight face.

You deserve better. All of us do. And it is precisely because we are lovely, trusting and amazing people that they target us. Don't ever forget that.

theuncertainty

Duqld1717, a good friend tells me that we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. Bring the secrets into the light and they won't hold as much power any more and we can start to heal. You know that his dark secrets are in no way a reflection of you, right? Because they're not. And you do not have to keep them.
Wishing you peace and strength.

duqld1717

Some of the things that he says or does i have to do a double take at. I cant believe what I'm hearing or seeing. I feel like he lives in his own little world and does nothing like everyone else in society and if someone has a problem with it, then they are a "cancer to his life"...thats what i was told.

tallulah

Ditto. At the time it was horrible.. but then the whole situation was. But now, I look back at some of the hogwash and I actually have to laugh.