Im lost and confused! plz help
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
My "tough love" to you--
Pull your own head out of the bottle first. You can't process reality if you are drinking, period, no ifs, ands, or buts. You think you can beat this and trick life to let you process it rationally while drinking anyway? You can't, nobody can.
Secondly, you are an independent person. You may love him, but you are still you, and only you. I don't think anybody is "made" for anybody else. We find people to love and to love us back, but we're still individuals, and we can't process reality if we think we are attached to someone else at the hip, especially if that attachment is unhealthy for all concerned.
You can't control him, convince him, or even manipulate him to stop drinking. He will do as he chooses, regardless of how it affects you.
You have a reality outside of him--a job, friends, family. Take care of your reality, and the rest of what needs to happen in your life will follow.
Pull your own head out of the bottle first. You can't process reality if you are drinking, period, no ifs, ands, or buts. You think you can beat this and trick life to let you process it rationally while drinking anyway? You can't, nobody can.
Secondly, you are an independent person. You may love him, but you are still you, and only you. I don't think anybody is "made" for anybody else. We find people to love and to love us back, but we're still individuals, and we can't process reality if we think we are attached to someone else at the hip, especially if that attachment is unhealthy for all concerned.
You can't control him, convince him, or even manipulate him to stop drinking. He will do as he chooses, regardless of how it affects you.
You have a reality outside of him--a job, friends, family. Take care of your reality, and the rest of what needs to happen in your life will follow.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi fallingtears,
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your father.
Sadly, active alcoholics are not known for their truthfulness, only lies to manipulate us (the enablers) into doing what they want. It's been my experience that he may or may not actually love you, but he is protecting his drinking at any and all cost (including you). Is having someone ignore you, dismiss you, and treat you badly an acceptable way to live? True love, real love, does not do this.
I hope that you will realize you are worth so much more. That your health and happiness are in your hands. Keep reading, keep posting....take good care of YOU.
Hugs and prayers, HG
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your father.
Originally Posted by fallingtears75 
if our love was strong enough he would forgive me wouldn't he? or is it that he doesn't want to give the drink up? im so confused cause if he wanted nothing to do with me why say he still loves me,say I was made for him no one else? i hate being without him it kills!
I hope that you will realize you are worth so much more. That your health and happiness are in your hands. Keep reading, keep posting....take good care of YOU.
Hugs and prayers, HG
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