Hi ....My Alcoholic is my fiance

Old 01-30-2011, 04:38 PM
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Cool Hi ....My Alcoholic is my fiance


My fiance is an alcoholic and an addict. He has been clean and sober since Jan 11, 2011. He is doing 90 in 90.

A few days after christmas he had been drinking all day. He then went and brought drugs into my house. I had to kick him out. He live on the streets for over a week. I let him come home when he said he would get help.

He has been going to meeting every day. I started alanon.

I am always scared he is going to relaspse. I have weird dreams about him doing drugs. I even dreampt that I relaspsed and I don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs.

I am planning to get alanon literature as soon as I can afford it. I am trying to be supportive to my fiance. He seems very commited.
I believe alanon says I am suppose to take care of me. I just don't know how. I feel very alone most days. I am shy and its hard to break out of my shell.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 01-30-2011, 04:56 PM
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Al-anon is free and will be a tremendous help. Maybe you should put any marriage plans on the back burner until you see just how committed he truly is to a life of sobriety.
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Old 01-30-2011, 05:12 PM
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read, read and go to more al anon meetings...i am not here to tell you what not to do about the wedding plans...that comes from you and your own heart...if you read posts from other women/men that are in marriage with a A or NA, you will see a pattern....

RECOVERY for him is just that..for him (and a serious (HONEST program) commitment for 1 to 1 1/2 years)
so? that means you need yours also and possibly family and friends harm done...
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:38 PM
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I know how it feels, the heart vs. the mind but the good news is that he recognizes he needs help and seems to want to stop so he is trying to get back on his feet. The relapse issue isn't in your control.

But maintaining his recovery is key to any potential for success in a relationship. As much as I love the RABF, I would want to see sustained recovery (and productive, working, going to meetings etc) before even thinking about taking it to the next level.

The heart, however, is harder to convince when it comes to slowing down. I may eat my words .. I'll post on SR about how I am moving in with the RABF and they will throw rotten fruit at me --- If they don't I hope they will! Because there is NO hurry to go down that path until he proves to me that he can maintain sobriety.

I am really trying also to focus on myself and my life as he works on his recovery and honestly, it makes our relationship stronger. Hang in there, it gets easier!
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:58 AM
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The literature is free, the books are for sale. Go to meetings. They are free.
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Old 02-01-2011, 04:06 AM
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One way to help the fear go away could be to give yourself permission to call off wedding plans. Even to break up. YOU don't have to live this life just because he does, sweetie. Right now the most important thing you can do for yourself is to treat yourself well and think about your OWN future, not his.
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