I Really Need Advise
 

Hello,

My father has been sober for about 10 years now and has been doing very well up until a few days ago. I just got off the phone with him and he told me he's been to drunk to go to work for the past three days and he was so drunk he could barely talk.

He has told a two or three people myself included about his relapse but has not told his AA buddy for fear of ridicule. My father has been in very bad health for the past few years and could die at any moment, his relapse will only accelerate that with the medications he's on.

His AA buddy is very harsh but he would keep my father out of trouble. My father wants to be the person to tell him but I'm not sure if it's safe to wait that long. He planed on going to work tonight as a police officer but hopefully I convinced him to take the day off so he doesn't lose his pention. He doesn't want to take the day off because he will need to see a doctor to do so and tell him about his relapse.

With my father so close to death I don't want to start and big fight with him because we had never been close until a few years ago because of his drinking, and I don't want him to die with us on bad terms, but I can't stand by and watch him destroy everything he's worked for over the last 30 years. There is no one in my family I can talk who will have his best interest in mind, so my only options would be to drive out to his house and babysit him against his will or call his AA buddy, either way he will be extremely angry and probably react violently based on his history.

(((hugs))) 5LStang. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

If he's a police officer, he has no business going to work in this condition. Innocent (and even guilty) lives could be at stake.

Police departments don't fire people for being alcoholic (though they could be placed on leave temporarily). But drunk on duty? You better believe they might fire him.

Call his AA buddy and let him deal with it. It might feel disloyal, but you shouldn't have to be in the position of saving him (and others) from himself.

I am sorry your going through this. You much be so scared. I think you should call the AA buddy or go over there. You could be saving his life and his job. Don't worry too much about making him angry. If you feel unsafe ask someone to go over there with you.

I hate to say it but I'm so worried about him that I hadn't even considered the other people that would be at risk if he went to work drunk, this really bothers me but it's a great example of how you can't see the big picture if your to close to a situation.

Right now my 18 year old brother is watching him to make sure he doesn't do anything worse then continuing to drink. My brother isn't going to try to stop him from drinking for his own safety but if my father tries to leave the house he will keep him there until me me and his AA buddy get there. His AA buddy is 5min away and I'm about 15min away when I'm in a hurry.

I really want him to be the one to tell his AA buddy because if he doesn't want the help then I feel we'd only be aggravating the situation and in the end he'd just relapse again. He had the sense to seek out help the first time, I just hope he'll sober up enough to have the sense to do it again.

Thank you for the support, I really just need to talk out this situation so I can make sure I'm doing the right thing.

Guns and alcohol do not mix.

5LStang,
I agree, call his AA sponsor. My dad has been sober and in AA for 9.5 years. His life partner of 31 years died on the 7th of January this year. I've been worried about a relapse. He's still attending meetings and so far, so good, although he's in a very hard place right now. I'm the only person in our direct family he talks to about his alcoholism. I have told him that should he relapse, I'll be organising an intervention whether he likes it or not. (he too has medical problems and if he drank, it could kill him). He laughed, when I said it, but he also knows I mean it. It's too much on your shoulders and your brother's shoulders to take this burden on your own and his sponsor may be hard but right now, that's what your dad needs...

Look, how would you feel if your dad did something horrible under the influence? Shot someone, hit someone with his patrol car, shot HIMSELF? My guess is, even though it wouldn't be your fault, you would find it very hard to live with.

I'd go so far as to make an anonymous call to his Sergeant if it kept him and others safe. If they stopped him before he went on duty and ordered him to get help or else, it might be the push that he needs. And their hand wouldn't be forced because he would have been stopped in time. Administrative leave, with rehab, might save his pension.