Single parenting
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Single parenting
It's been a ROUGH week, the past one. About Monday-Tuesday, I was in full freak-out mode, realizing that I am IT for these kids. There's nobody else to step in and relieve me when they're impossible, rude, temper tantrummy, or just plain... high-needs. Nobody.
I felt overwhelmed and like there was just not enough of me to go around. And I doubted my strength and my parenting skills and spent a good bit of time feeling sorry for myself.
But somehow (HP!), my attitude did a 180. And that's why I'm sharing.
All of a sudden, today, I had a situation with two of the kids where I went back to preschool with them: I roleplayed the situation where they had gotten into a fight and calmly walked them through a nice way of handling a situation where one apologizes and the other accepts the apology. Without barking the "sorry" with your back turned, and without the proverbial eyeroll instead of accepting...
And that was empowering. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that the good part of me being IT for these kids is that I have amazing opportunities to work with them, listen to them, re-teach them (because the barked apology and the eyeroll, they learned from RAXH and me respectively), and build our little family in the process.
That's all. Single parenting is a hard job. But it's not nearly as hard as trying to coparent with an addict. At least in my experience.
I felt overwhelmed and like there was just not enough of me to go around. And I doubted my strength and my parenting skills and spent a good bit of time feeling sorry for myself.
But somehow (HP!), my attitude did a 180. And that's why I'm sharing.
All of a sudden, today, I had a situation with two of the kids where I went back to preschool with them: I roleplayed the situation where they had gotten into a fight and calmly walked them through a nice way of handling a situation where one apologizes and the other accepts the apology. Without barking the "sorry" with your back turned, and without the proverbial eyeroll instead of accepting...
And that was empowering. All of a sudden, it dawned on me that the good part of me being IT for these kids is that I have amazing opportunities to work with them, listen to them, re-teach them (because the barked apology and the eyeroll, they learned from RAXH and me respectively), and build our little family in the process.
That's all. Single parenting is a hard job. But it's not nearly as hard as trying to coparent with an addict. At least in my experience.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
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Single parenting is a hard job. But it's not nearly as hard as trying to coparent with an addict. At least in my experience.
. Beginning to think I didn't corner the market on single parenting issues.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
single parent (and not by choice WIDOW) I was pregnant with my daughter 17 weeks and son was 10 mths old...when hubby died...
COURAGE
STRENGTH
LOVE helped me through...they are 9(10 in May) & 8...
gosh we should have a single parent group in here that are in recovery of some sort....*tap, tap* just thinking out loud
COURAGE
STRENGTH
LOVE helped me through...they are 9(10 in May) & 8...
gosh we should have a single parent group in here that are in recovery of some sort....*tap, tap* just thinking out loud
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
Many adult children of an alcoholics will tell you that they ended up being the parent figure in the house they grew up in. You may have saved one or more of your kids from taking that role.
Hang in there. As an experienced single parent, I can fully understand how you feel. My guess is that over time you will continue to discover your abilities, as well as learn more about your children.
Hang in there. As an experienced single parent, I can fully understand how you feel. My guess is that over time you will continue to discover your abilities, as well as learn more about your children.
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Many adult children of an alcoholics will tell you that they ended up being the parent figure in the house they grew up in
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Originally Posted by lillamy 
Trapeze, that's the role they have when they're with RAXH. I'm hoping that his recovery will grow to include not using the children as emotional garbage cans, but I'm not holding my breath.
I set the mood here. We are kind and polite to one another. We are a family and we all have responsibilities and we do not focus on who does more (AXH's favorite pasttime - blaming). You get to teach an mold and model for them what healthy and calm looks like. It is a privilege and a gift.
Congratulations. You're doing great.
I wrote this about a very bad day we were having once. You can probably relate.
Cheers « Brightenthecorner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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I have been a single Mom for 10 years - my girls are doing GREAT! We had hard times, great times, and everything in between. We've been dead broke and pretty well off, eating Ramen and going out for sushi. And I have loved every minute of it.
It's an overwhelming feeling, being IT. But at least they have IT. And you will look back and feel SO proud of yourself and your kids. I do. I not only survived, I thrived.
And your kids will thank you for it one day. Mine already do.
It's an overwhelming feeling, being IT. But at least they have IT. And you will look back and feel SO proud of yourself and your kids. I do. I not only survived, I thrived.
And your kids will thank you for it one day. Mine already do.
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You know what the tough part is?
Acknowledging that the bad behaviors they have aren't only RAXH's fault.
That they've picked up some pretty awful behaviors and coping techniques from me, too.
That hurts, more than anything else.
But we're working on it. And that's part of my recovery, admitting that I've been at fault, too.
Acknowledging that the bad behaviors they have aren't only RAXH's fault.
That they've picked up some pretty awful behaviors and coping techniques from me, too.
That hurts, more than anything else.
But we're working on it. And that's part of my recovery, admitting that I've been at fault, too.
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