Where do we go from here??

Old 01-28-2011, 04:03 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: MA
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Unhappy Where do we go from here??

Hi, I am new to all of this. I have never posted or commented on a thread, or dated anyone with substance and/or alcohol abuse problems; so I'm hoping to get some perspective on what I should do. I started dating my significant other about 3.5 years ago. He is kind, and thoughtful. Handsome and smart...but that is all when he isn't drinking. When he drinks, which has gotten even worse over the last 6 months he is another person. He falls everywhere, he uses drugs, he calls out of work (only in the last 6 months). He started having seizures (about 1.5 years ago) the drinking only made it worse. He has been in and out the hospital numerous times and most recently he admitted he needed help. He went to detox for 2 weeks and then moved into a "recovery home" the program was suppose to last anywhere from 4-6 months. Seizures from what I know stopped. He could work, but travel time took him a while and he paid to share a room and live there. This only lasted about a month and he went back to his old apartment against my wishes (I offered every resource I had in order to be able to compromise, so we were both content) and immediately started drinking again. It has been about 5 days and I haven't heard from him and he won't answer my calls or texts (something else he does a lot when he is drinking and using). I don't know what to do. I feel like this could be life or death for him. We are only in our mid-twenties and again I just don't know what to do. I never imagined everything turning out this way. I knew it would never be "poof...all better", but I just don't know how to handle this or help him, help himself. His family is no help what-so-ever, and I'm scared. I invested so much into making this a great relationship and planning for our future, which he says he wants too. Any insight or help is much appreciated.
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Old 01-28-2011, 04:36 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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You really can't help him until he is ready to do it for himself. Giving yourself, your home, your resources only helps delay the inevitable. If you want to help him, let him find his own bottom. If you rescue him you might prevent him from experiencing what will finally get him sober.

Stick around, though. It sounds like WE might be able to help YOU.
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Old 01-28-2011, 05:16 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Here's the thing... is heartbreaking to learn the person you thought your significant other to be, in my case my wife, is not that person at all. You can see hundreds of posts here just like yours, all with the theme that "they are the most wonderful person when they aren't drunk."

In your case, you find yourself in a relationship with an alcoholic. This he will always be, whether he is drinking or not. You have a lot of really tough decisions to make, and it's hard for anybody to tell you, specifically, what those decisions need to be.

I can, however, give you this. When I was where you are today, after trying to handle it my way and failing for five years, I finally found Al-Anon. I believe that is where you will find your answers. Try at least six meetings, some different, before deciding if it will work for you. And don't key on the things you don't like as an excuse to not go. Just go.

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

Take care,


P.s. Read this:

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