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Miracles? Or "pink clouds"?

Old 01-28-2011, 11:30 AM
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Question Miracles? Or "pink clouds"?

My 75 days sober husband told me last night that the last 30 days in AA have been a spiritual awakening for him and he is feeling that a miracle has occurred because he has no cravings and feels very calm and serene. He says he prays everyday and God gets him through the tough stuff.

I feel happy for him for feeling this way, but can't help but see the timing at play here - 30 days I moved me and the kids out because I could see as long as I was there - he was blaming the marriage and not the alcohol. I pointed this out - gently - and asked him if maybe the stress reduction of having the family gone might be contributing to this feeling? He said it wasn't that, it was his acceptance of the 3rd step and finding his higher power.

??????

Anyone heard this stuff before? I want to believe in miracles - shoot who doesn't? But my BS meter is dinging here. Is this euphoria a normal process of recovery in AA? And will eventually come crashing down around him? Or am I being overly cynical? And is there such a thing as overly cynical when dealing with an alcoholic?!!
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Old 01-28-2011, 11:46 AM
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I don't believe recovery is a miracle. True recovery is the result of diligence and hard work. He may actually believe what he is saying, but only time will tell. Continue to watch his actions and let the words go in one ear and out the other.
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Old 01-28-2011, 11:48 AM
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It may help you to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous if you haven't done so. it may help you sort the 'quacking' from the real recovery. Does he have a sponsor?
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Old 01-28-2011, 12:02 PM
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I would want to watch from a distance for a much longer time. If you and the kids are stable now, don't rock that boat. If he means what he is saying, he will still be there in 6 months or a year. Let him know that you support his efforts, but that you are working your own recovery program.
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Old 01-28-2011, 12:54 PM
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My exabf and I had a good laugh recently about an email he sent me almost 1 year ago.

In the email, he speaks of finally understanding the disease of alcoholism, and feeling spiritual, and giving up to his HP, and the wonderful fellowship of other As, and life on life's terms, and no cravings, and on and on and on...

Then at the end of the email...he writes...17 days and counting!

Time will tell...if you are not sure, you are not sure...if he is really getting it, his actions will tell the whole story.

Even now, after almost 1 year, and 6 months of no contact, I am taking this oh so very slowly. More will be revealed ( I love that thought ).
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Old 01-28-2011, 01:17 PM
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I personally LOVE miracles.

Let there be MORE miracles.
Let everyone have a miracle, I say.
The Earth needs miracles.
They are real
they count
they are for everyone.

THere's still the two words
that make miracles real.

'Prove it.'

Time - proves miracles.

If it's a miracle - a year from now - the situation will still be improving.

It doesn't mean there's no miracles.
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Old 01-28-2011, 01:48 PM
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But my BS meter is dinging here.

I think this says it all. I've learned to trust mine.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

P.S. Oh, BTW, I DO believe in miracles, I've had lots of them.
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Old 01-28-2011, 01:50 PM
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I believe in miracles. But I TRUST my inner voice.. even when I've ignored it, it's been right.
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:39 PM
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Ditto to everyone else. NEVER question your own gut instinct. NEVER. What if you go with it and you're wrong? TERRIFIC! It means that he's on a path to recover and, like Barb pointed out, over time he will indeed Prove It!

What if you DON'T listen to that voice and you were right all along? Then you get dragged right back in to the crazies.

I say all of this but the bottom line is that it is HIS recovery and only time will tell. We codies tend to want to over-analyze everything and try to predict the future and the fact is, its impossible to predict anyone's future. What we CAN do is try to shape our own futures by educating ourselves, learning from past events and listening to our inner voice.

Trust your gut. Always.
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:43 PM
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I agree, trust your instincts. But at the same time, are YOU working your own program?
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:44 PM
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Miracles happen. My cravings were removed almost immediately and I felt peace. The "pink cloud" is just sort of an emotional euphoria--it isn't much of an indicator one way or another whether the sobriety will last or not.

I agree that one should trust one's instincts, but if you're skeptical ONLY because of the timing, and because he has struggled in the past, I wouldn't necessarily assume it was BS. Sometimes the loss of family can be the "bottom" where the alcholic truly DOES surrender and recovery can follow.
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Old 01-28-2011, 04:40 PM
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Hi! I agree with Lexi! I have been sober for a year now and it really is nothing short of a miracle! but hard work is necessary too...everyday I work on my recovery and it is my main priority... Great job for your hubbie on 75 days...just watch the actions hun, they speak volumes!!
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Old 01-29-2011, 12:52 AM
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I'm a firm believer in miracles, but as barb says -- the proof is in the pudding.

After about a month of sobriety, my ex violated the restraining order because he had to tell me that God had saved him from himself and that he was a changed man. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He clearly believed every word of it. But not only did he cross my boundary (he had gotten the message from my attorney and his own therapist that I did not under any circumstances want to see him) and a court order. Because his needs were more important than both those things. Just as it's always been.

So I think whatever he says, he probably believes. The question is whether you find him a changed man. I hope you do. I have total faith in God's ability to make miracles happen. I prayed for a miracle like that for years. And now, I'm taking the stance that since that miracle didn't happen, God probably has other plans for both RAXH and me. Better plans. That's what I'm hanging my hat on these days.

Hang in there. (((hugs)))
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Old 01-29-2011, 01:05 AM
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It is easy to be cynical but recovery is tough work.

The proof, as others point out, is if this awakening lasts and he can continue to heal and heal his relationships with others. That is a process. If he is determined to succeed than I believe people can work miracles.

I'll admit though, the spiritual awakening thing throws me a bit because I am not religious but if it means 'seeing the light' and staying sober then all the better for him right? It is what follows that will tell you if he is truly wanting to work at this and heal the damage he has done.

There is no point in any 'awakening' if you don't put it into practice, and live that life of self awareness both in word and deed.
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Old 01-29-2011, 06:56 AM
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He could be giving a very accurate description of how he feels. There is no way to know.

My husband has been in recovery for 16 months. Personally I suggest that you not focus too much on individual conversations but let time go by. Most likely there will be ups and downs. If you focus too much on how he is doing you will go crazy.

Focus on yourself. If you don't journal, consider starting one. It can be really interesting looking back on your own development during the recovery process.
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Old 01-29-2011, 07:28 PM
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Thanks, all. After posting this and thinking about it some more, I decided best to be happy for him, stay out of his way (and his journey through recovery) and worry about myself! I still get hooked into over-analyzing HIS stuff. I need to work on that (in my program, yes I am working one!). So for today, I chose to be happy and enjoy his company and take our dogs for a long hike together. Giving him the freedom to make his own decisions and experience his own emotions allowed me to relax and actually enjoy his company without wanting to control the situation, interject MY opinions on HIS choices, and get snatchy when he said things I didn't agree with. I think I am getting the whole detachment thing - it worked well today!

Thanks again for everyone's input and thoughts! Love this forum!
Happy Saturday,
T
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Old 01-29-2011, 09:31 PM
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I love the messages here
1. Trust your gut. Listen to your gut. Trust your feelings and listen to them.
and 2. Don't get stirred up by the day to day, but look at the big picture actions. Be patient and let the universe reveal itself to you without all the fuss.

Brilliant.
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Old 01-29-2011, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
I still get hooked into over-analyzing HIS stuff. I need to work on that (in my program, yes I am working one!).
Boy if I could have been PAID for analyzing HIS stuff I’d be a very very rich woman today!!

I also was working my program in al-anon but for a long time based MY recovery on HIS recovery. Sure I was stepping back, I was no longer counting pills, searching for pills, etc. But I was very much analyzing every thing he did or said. Guess that I was still very un-trusting in many ways looking for my own “pink-cloud” that he/we were going to be alright.

Funny thing was, he had gotten so used to my “crazies” that when I actually did step back, hands off the addict……..he saw that as I didn’t care!!! And that’s when I knew I was truly WORKING MY OWN PROGRAM!!!!
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