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1st Al Anon Meeting - What's Happening to Me? Very nice people - all mostly older folks and many what I'm guessing, 'seasoned' veterans. In a church. Very low key - pretty quiet. Go through the ritual of each person reading from the book. Group leader reads from his script. Serenity prayer. Speaker who tells her story (speaker - once a month and happened to be yesterday). I see some of myself in her story. Closing Al Anon and Lord's prayer. No one talks much about anything personal. Afterwards, some people stand around and talk in small groups, since they seem to know one another quite well. I make a connection with a woman who has been involved with some of area shelters and she gives me a number where I can contact someone to arrange a meeting to talk to someone about my abusive situation. I leave, thinking well that was kinda boring and impersonal. Not what I expected. No real sense of connection - yet nothing negative. I come home and talk to the A. I feel more patient, listening to him. I haven't spoken with him for 2 days, since trying to plan my exit. I look at him differently, almost like I can suddenly separate myself from the disease. I feel different and more relaxed. Wake up this morning and nothing feels the same. What's happening to me? I didn't do anything except recite some of the 'passages' and say the prayers. I've always felt weird about praying - although I've tried. I've wondered weird things like 'are you only supposed to pray when you're in the worst situation of your life?' and 'are you allowed only a certain number of prayers and if you pray too much, then when you really need help, you won't receive it?' I know nothing about religion except what I've picked up from others. I've been afraid of it, because I find it hard to believe something that can't be proven to me. I've never been a 'pushover'. Whatever is happening to me is VERY POWERFUL. I feel a sense of calm and freedom that I haven't felt in years - maybe ever. By repeating the things I did - whether I believed them or not, did I trigger something within me that I'm not aware of? Have I 'let go and let God' without even realizing it? All I know is that I feel the weight of the world slowly lifting off my shoulders. Wow. How can something work like that when you don't feel you did anything to 'make it happen'? I'm baffled, but I feel an amazing sense of rejuvenation. Has this ever happened to anyone else? |
Sure... I think it's a couple of things, and I hope I don't come off as being too "new-agey" but there are two things at work here, I think, which is the power of Al-Anon. The first goes back to the whole "Power of Thought" thing. You can't hold two thoughts in your head at the same time. So by repeating simple phrases or ideas that represent "replacement thoughts" you are pushing the other, negative, angry, codependent thoughts out of your head. There are lots of Power of Thought writers out there--James Allen was one of the first and his book, As a Man Thinketh is still one of the best as far as I'm concerned. The second is the whole "collective consciousness" thing. I really feel that energy transmitted by healthy people somehow gets transmitted into us when we're around them. That's why people say going to Al-Anon is so important. I believe that that's why people get excited all together at rock concerts, laugh more when watching a comedy in a movie theatre, even are more apt to loot when other people are doing it. If you hang around "crazy" you get "crazy." If you hang around "healthy" you get "healthy" So keep going back for the "good vibes" of Al-Anon! It's real! |
I've read a ton of books on the power of positive thinking, etc. and have tried to work them into my life, but have not succeeded at all. Perhaps some people have been able to incorporate that kind of thing into their lives on their own, but not me. That's why I'm so baffled, that this should work - without me actually 'doing' anything. Just wow. |
Yup yup. It did the same for me. Even though my first Al-anon meeting was spent staring at the floor and sobbing, I felt stronger, calmer, more able afterwards. The next day I still felt it. I can't even recall having really 'heard' anything as I was pretty much in a daze, but something must have got through to me. I suppose it was all that recovery seeping into me by osmosis. The power of positive thinking, positive energy, can't be denied. You surround yourself with it and it really does change your mindset. |
go back, go back, go back. Once I described the "churning" feeling in my gut from dreading and anticipating a bad meeting with AXH. As I described it, every head in the room nodded. They all knew precisely what I meant. Talking about it and receiving validation eased my anxiety and made me feel significantly less crazy. |
Has this ever happened to anyone else? Yep, similar thing happened to me. It's very hard to describe, along the lines of a "spiritual awakening", you describe it very well. One of our members describes it as magical, and he doesn't know "how" it works either, just that it does. Good enough for me, sure beats the hell out of living "the other way'. KWIM? It's good to keep an open mind. I believe in the "collective consciousness" concept as well. Thanks and God bless us all, Coyote |
Could it be possibly that because you have made that one small step you now know on a deeper level that you are not alone, that you are stronger, and you feel a sense of determination, also hope ? That's a GREAT thing. Don't give up on it. :c011: |
I felt the same way. The feeling grows each time....it's remarkable really. I didn't even speak, other than reading, until my 3rd meeting. I hope you keep going! |
Maybe now you've seen serenity, and now you know it's out there... Kinda like breaking that 4 minute mile barrier. It now exists. CLMI |
Has this ever happened to anyone else? When I walked into my first meeting, I could feel the positive energy in a roomful of people I didn't know, but had something in common with. I didn't say too much but was welcomed like an old friend. When I listened (and cried), it was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders and while that was the start of many journeys for me, that meeting set the tone as I went home that night and for the first night in a very long time, I slept straight through the night. I felt at peace, knowing I was not alone, that there were people who understood, who accepted, who loved who didn't blame or judge me. That was huge for me and while there have been many bumps along the road for me, knowing that wherever I am, there's always an Al-anon meeting close by. |
Originally Posted by Linkmeister
(Post 2846928)
Before my first Al-anon meeting , I was a mess - someone that thought I was the only one who was going through this. When I walked into my first meeting, I could feel the positive energy in a roomful of people I didn't know, but had something in common with. I didn't say too much but was welcomed like an old friend. When I listened, it was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders and while that was the start of many journeys for me, that meeting set the tone as I went home that night and for the first night in a very long time, I slept straight through the night. I felt at peace, knowing I was not alone, that there were people who understood, who accepted, who loved who didn't blame or judge me. That was huge for me and while there have been many bumps along the road for me, knowing that wherever I am, there's always an Al-anon meeting close by. Thanks and God bless us all, Coyote |
At my first AlAnon meeting, I had no idea what to expect, I was just tired of being alone. I wanted to be with other people who were going through things like what I went through, I wanted to be with people who understood instead of people who thought I was crazy for putting up with things so long, or for thinking that he really was "that bad," depending on whose side they were on. Knowing I'm not alone helped a lot, and I don't think I would have been strong enough to stand up to XABF that fateful night a few days before Christmas if I hadn't been to those first few meetings, even though XABF decreed I couldn't go to them any more. (I started going again after he was in rehab, have been going ever since, and it truly does help.) |
Originally Posted by coyote21
(Post 2846961)
Hey Linkmeister. As happens often here, and in Al-Anon, YOU just shared MY story. :c031: I have shared OUR story to new comers at many meetings these last few years. Thanks and God bless us all, Coyote Another part of the story was that the night of my very first meeting was "dark and stormy" and freezing cold (around 10F) and I stood in front of the church where it was held, hoping I would have the courage to go in. When I was ready to walk away, a lady came up to open the door, looked at me, put her arm around me and took me to the meeting. I didn't know it then, but looking back, that was my HP at work. |
Originally Posted by tryintosmile
(Post 2846798)
That's why I'm so baffled, that this should work - without me actually 'doing' anything. |
yeah - wait till the end of your SECOND meeting! good for you! action is the key! |
This is a very interesting topic to me. I was raised with belief in God but had strayed from practicing my faith for a time after a few years of marriage to a man who wanted nothing to do with belief in God. When I was having marriage issues (prior to my husband becoming an alcoholic), I prayed somewhat desperately to God and had the same experience you describe with no one else present. That was powerful to me. It was a life changing, unforgettable period of my life. I believe the presence of God within each one of us is equally powerful. I was sincere, I believe that is always an important element of our HP working within us. I also believe in the power of positive thinking, etc., as well. |
When I went to my first alanon meeting all i did was cry...but someonne said the 3 c's we didn't cause we can't cure and we can't control it and i literally felt like a boulder had been removed from my chest...this incredible calm came over me and lasted about 4 days..they had me at hello...i was just like you about prayers..didn't know how,wasn't sure if i should...but i surrendered and did what alanon said to do..i had faith for once in my life and it has changed me to the core..welcome! |
I can't tell you how happy this makes me. That internal SHIFT that happens when we first realize there is HOPE. That we don't have to continue to suffer. I experienced it in Al-Anon, and later when I went to my first AA meeting. There are many good "explanations" here, but the bottom line is it DOES WORK. |
Awesome post tryintosmile. Thank you for sharing. |
Wonderful news!! I think Chino said it as I would have: You did do something. You made the effort to go and you did it with an open mind. That's everything! Making the step to just pursue recovery in and of itself was a groundbreaking moment for me. All that I learned and all that I achieved from that point...the way I think of myself, the way I view others, the way I understand my feelings and needs....all followed that moment. Without the first step, the journey cannot begin. You have opened the door to a journey, and it took tremendous courage to take that step. That courage has now enriched you. That moment has allowed you to see the world differently and see yourself in a new way. Go to more meetings. Try some step work. Read. Post. Journal. Sit quietly each day and think on your needs for that day. Just keep moving forward. What follows from here can be so amazing! Proud of you :) Alice |
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