same behaviors but sober
 

Maybe it is because he is sober(almost a year) not in recovery, but he still has weird things that he does. He still has the verbal/emotional abuse.

When he used to drink, he told me he drank to help keep himself awake so he wouldn't go to bed early. Ever since he became sober he goes to bed fairly early, like 8 or sometimes 7:30. That is the times my kids go to sleep! I don't know maybe its normal? He works at a pretty physical job from 7-5.

He used to drink and not eat supper with us. Then he got sober and it turned into working out and the kids and I ate supper. I questioned him about it, now he eats with us, but doesn't know how to carry on a conversation and since there is a tv in the kitchen he always wants it on.

Is it just men in general that they don't clean up after themselves? I grew up with my dad and mom cleaning, my dad is a little OCD about cleaning. I guess I don't know what normal is.

I know I shouldn't expect ANYTHING but seriously leaving a bowl in the living room from ice cream for 3 days ago is unacceptable. Our house is small and I keep everything from myself and my two little ones clean and put away. I'm just so irritated and then feel sorry for him because he works a hard job.

I know I can't control anything he does. I'm just frustrated which I shouldn't be because I have the choice. To stay or go. I choose GO but I can't get the courage to GO.

My XAH had a few brief periods of sobriety. Couple weeks here, once for about a month. The behaviors that I hated.......the self-centered, obnoxious, inappropriate behaviors were still there, just a little less amplified. It was then that I realized it's not JUST the drinking. I truly don't like this person either way!
M

You asked whether it's normal because you don't know what normal is. No. It isn't normal.

Having said that, I had to learn the hard way that the question isn't what's normal. The question is what is acceptable to you in your life. Those behaviors would not be acceptable to me. Especially not the verbal abuse. I have been there and I can never go back. the disregarding all your desires is not really acceptable either, is it?

Is he in Recovery or has he just stopped drinking?

Thanks, stella. No he quit when I said leave or go to treatment last year at this time. It snowballed into excuses, lies, and broken promises, which leaves him doing nothing at all for Recovery.

I learned that.. wring out the alcohol from an asshat, you still got an asshat.

My ex was in recovery and was when I met him: 2/3 meetings a week, a commitment, sponsor. Made no difference to the other behaviours that he was to all intents and purposes 'dry'.

Sober horse thief...

Maybe if you started to make a plan to go, just working on the details, you could eventually start to consider that option as viable for you.

My AH is currently not drinking....but not working a traditional program either. Maybe instead of giving yourself the choice to go, you give him the option to stay? Sure, he works a hard job but you work hard too keeping house and raising babies (which I'm sure we can all agree isn't lay-around-on-your-keester-type work). I would take the tv out of the kitchen, but that's just me & fwiw, I am definitely disagreeable with TV anywhere in the house other than a living room/den (I'm such a meanie- no tv in the bedrooms & currently, I my kids think that video games are solely for grown ups & I'm not about to tell them otherwise.....). My AH doesn't really contribute to the house. It's frustrating and if he complains about laundry or mess, I remind him (gently) that it's his house too & that I'm not the maid. If he keeps going on about it, I walk away. For now, it 'works'...