How Do You Ever Leave Someone ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
There isn't an "application for permission to leave" that he (or anyone else) has to approve.
The people here are right. Even if he never laid a hand on you, the things you've told us are domestic abuse. And you do need people in real life who can help and support you with the logistics. I'm right next to L2L wanting to come over there and do some heavy lifting, but we can't. We're here, we're listening, we'll give you hugs and sit next to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
[ [/QUOTE]
Probably because he KNOWS that no one else in the world would take his **** and let him live the life he wants to. He does not like his self, and wont like anyone else, until he learns to love his self. do you really ever see that happening?
come on, gather up your self-respect, and realize that you deserve to live your life in peace. why let someone take away your life?
take away the target (you) that he is using to take out his hatred on. let him finally direct his hate at his self. he deserves it- IMHO.
hugs to you sweetie. dont give up, look another direction, not in his direction. and dont forget, this has been the reality for many women, and men, and you can change it. you have to feel you deserve the happiness, tho. and you do!!!!we all deserve whatever happiness we work for. dont give your life away, please. you are not garbage, you are down-trodden, in my opinion. and you can say- "Enough".
I would think it would be such a good feeling to walk away, and never look back. no man is better than the wrong man, as they say.
and surely , peace is better than torment.
prayers for you, and your mom, too. time is precious, and you should be able to direct your focus on things that matter.
chicory
He hates me - he hates everything about me. He tries to change me - daily. Why - why - why won't he let me go then?
Probably because he KNOWS that no one else in the world would take his **** and let him live the life he wants to. He does not like his self, and wont like anyone else, until he learns to love his self. do you really ever see that happening?
come on, gather up your self-respect, and realize that you deserve to live your life in peace. why let someone take away your life?
take away the target (you) that he is using to take out his hatred on. let him finally direct his hate at his self. he deserves it- IMHO.
hugs to you sweetie. dont give up, look another direction, not in his direction. and dont forget, this has been the reality for many women, and men, and you can change it. you have to feel you deserve the happiness, tho. and you do!!!!we all deserve whatever happiness we work for. dont give your life away, please. you are not garbage, you are down-trodden, in my opinion. and you can say- "Enough".
I would think it would be such a good feeling to walk away, and never look back. no man is better than the wrong man, as they say.
and surely , peace is better than torment.
prayers for you, and your mom, too. time is precious, and you should be able to direct your focus on things that matter.
chicory
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day 
Do you have family you could go stay with for a while, to get your rest? Time away from him will help a great deal...
Now I have to figure out a way to uproot my family (who rents the basement apartment - we made the decision together to have my mother live here because she is sick). I don't want to stress her more than she already is - she's so happy here, but it seems that there is never a right time to go - is there? Do I sacrifice more of my time in the 'status quo', because I don't want to make things harder for my mother? He hates my family, although they've never really done anything to deserve it, and when I tell him I want to leave he says 'that that - downstairs - with you, when you go' (like they're things).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Ok it's time to STOP listening to what that piece of human feces says, and start putting together a plan.
You can
a) figure out how to leave, taking your mother with you (which is entirely possible if you found a nice little 2 bedroom apartment)
b) figure out how you can get HIM to leave.
Do you own or rent?
If you own, who is on the mortgage?
If you rent, who is on the lease?
Would he leave if you filed for separation?
I'm asking these questions because I don't know the details of the situation. We can however help you figure out an exit strategy, if and when you are ready. Only you can decide when you've had enough of this life.
Remember that you have a choice. You can choose to end this. It is not under his control whether you leave or not.
You can
a) figure out how to leave, taking your mother with you (which is entirely possible if you found a nice little 2 bedroom apartment)
b) figure out how you can get HIM to leave.
Do you own or rent?
If you own, who is on the mortgage?
If you rent, who is on the lease?
Would he leave if you filed for separation?
I'm asking these questions because I don't know the details of the situation. We can however help you figure out an exit strategy, if and when you are ready. Only you can decide when you've had enough of this life.
Remember that you have a choice. You can choose to end this. It is not under his control whether you leave or not.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
OK. I reeeeaaallly resonate with your post.
My Sober(i think) recovering A and I have been together for 10 years. Many things , unbelievably humiliating things I endured, I ALLOWED to continue happening for those years.
He is sober, recovering, still struggling, having mental issues, he is still abusive, projecting, scapegoating,...but it is getting a little better, then worse, then better.
Over the years I left so many times, he left too. There were other women, there were betrayals I cant even think about without nausea.
I am making sure that I really can stay away when I leave this time. And I do feel like I want out, but now it is not life or death. Then he makes a progression, and I change my mind until it wells up again...
But I am working on what keeps me in this,
How am I doing that?
A couple of things are really helping me:
I have really been looking at how I am responsible for staying, for allowing myself to accept the abuse. Then accepting that, forgiving myself for using this person to abuse me in the past, and dealing with the present primarily. If you can work on forgiving yourself truly, then you can act from just how you feel right now. It can be as simple as "I do not want this relationship anymore. That is all." But...I know its not a simple thing to get to.
in the present, I am asking myself why I am afraid to walk away?
ONe thing that has happened, and happens is that he will turn it around on me, so that I am to "blame". I have recognized in myself that I, for whatever reason in my life, in my matrix, find it UNBEARABLE to be the one at fault for the failure of our family, our relationship. This goes back to my childhood, my father, my original family.
I am trying to remedy that, now by forgiving myself.
My son sees a counselor for kids. He also happens to be a marriage counselor. Last night, he asked to speak to me alone. He asked me why I could not extricate myself from the dynamic,
"wouldnt it be better, whether A is sober or using, for you to be separate? It is toxic and it is harmful to both of you. WHY cant you leave? You have been trying forever?"
What I said seemed so dumb. I said,
"I tried to ask him to move out, just today, I said I did not like him hanging out in bars, I dont think we get along. I told him I want out. He can see son with visitation, but he turned it around on me, and said...'OH, no. I am leaving you, and I have been going to the bar to escape YOU and your treatment of me.'. ..I cannot bear that. It is not true, and I am not treating him badly. SO then I fight to stay together, to keep trying. It works everytime. He flips, projects, and I have this terrible achilles heel. He knows it. "
The counselor looked at me, and said,
"So. He is right. He WOULD be leaving because of your treatment of him. He does not like being treated as an adult, does not like being made accountable, does not like being disagreed with. Why is that bad? You are making that bad in your mind. So, he is right. That would be his reason for leaving. Can you let that be true? Can you know that he will not see you as 'right' EVER, and he will blame you forever, because of him, not because of you?"
So, his point is, if I leave, saying I do not like this or that, and he comes back and says, he is leaving because of this or that...then OK. Let him go on those terms. The point is, I guess you really do not need to have a reason, a justification, or an OK from him.
Just for the record, let me say here, that you have PLENTY of reasons, justifications, etc. So do I. The past is enough. The present sounds like it is still enough.
If you cant leave it is yours. You might need to forgive yourself for staying this long, make the decision, and take the action.
I am not a know it all. I do not have this figured out, but I am a work in progress, and I am seeing some things.
There is something in you, that attacks you, judges you, and abuses you, and you use this outside person to act it out. This is what I have been doing for years.
So, the theory would go, if you make the decision to accept and forgive yourself for allowing the abuse thus far, then you can say, OK...I now do not want this. Even the good days. I dont want them, either, because they are band aids.
I am still trying, but, I can say this,: As I start to process through this, my fear of leaving and even his behavior is shifting. I think it is because the magnet that I have had on full blast to attract his abuse is getting turned down, and it doesnt give him the charge it used to.
He is kind of being "left" in a sense already, because without me to act out his dance, he is left dancing with himself.
The abuse sounds bad, still, for you. ANd it cant hurt to take measures to talk to your local shelter. They usually consider psychological abuse just as much as physical abuse. You can call them, tell them you want out and need help formulating a plan. Make up a backstory for who the phone calls are to or from,make it something that wont threaten him, (most of these types are controlling, check the phone, get suspicious,etc...) and start making a plan.
I hope my story, and my process is somehow helpful at all.
God Bless you.
My Sober(i think) recovering A and I have been together for 10 years. Many things , unbelievably humiliating things I endured, I ALLOWED to continue happening for those years.
He is sober, recovering, still struggling, having mental issues, he is still abusive, projecting, scapegoating,...but it is getting a little better, then worse, then better.
Over the years I left so many times, he left too. There were other women, there were betrayals I cant even think about without nausea.
I am making sure that I really can stay away when I leave this time. And I do feel like I want out, but now it is not life or death. Then he makes a progression, and I change my mind until it wells up again...
But I am working on what keeps me in this,
How am I doing that?
A couple of things are really helping me:
I have really been looking at how I am responsible for staying, for allowing myself to accept the abuse. Then accepting that, forgiving myself for using this person to abuse me in the past, and dealing with the present primarily. If you can work on forgiving yourself truly, then you can act from just how you feel right now. It can be as simple as "I do not want this relationship anymore. That is all." But...I know its not a simple thing to get to.
in the present, I am asking myself why I am afraid to walk away?
ONe thing that has happened, and happens is that he will turn it around on me, so that I am to "blame". I have recognized in myself that I, for whatever reason in my life, in my matrix, find it UNBEARABLE to be the one at fault for the failure of our family, our relationship. This goes back to my childhood, my father, my original family.
I am trying to remedy that, now by forgiving myself.
My son sees a counselor for kids. He also happens to be a marriage counselor. Last night, he asked to speak to me alone. He asked me why I could not extricate myself from the dynamic,
"wouldnt it be better, whether A is sober or using, for you to be separate? It is toxic and it is harmful to both of you. WHY cant you leave? You have been trying forever?"
What I said seemed so dumb. I said,
"I tried to ask him to move out, just today, I said I did not like him hanging out in bars, I dont think we get along. I told him I want out. He can see son with visitation, but he turned it around on me, and said...'OH, no. I am leaving you, and I have been going to the bar to escape YOU and your treatment of me.'. ..I cannot bear that. It is not true, and I am not treating him badly. SO then I fight to stay together, to keep trying. It works everytime. He flips, projects, and I have this terrible achilles heel. He knows it. "
The counselor looked at me, and said,
"So. He is right. He WOULD be leaving because of your treatment of him. He does not like being treated as an adult, does not like being made accountable, does not like being disagreed with. Why is that bad? You are making that bad in your mind. So, he is right. That would be his reason for leaving. Can you let that be true? Can you know that he will not see you as 'right' EVER, and he will blame you forever, because of him, not because of you?"
So, his point is, if I leave, saying I do not like this or that, and he comes back and says, he is leaving because of this or that...then OK. Let him go on those terms. The point is, I guess you really do not need to have a reason, a justification, or an OK from him.
Just for the record, let me say here, that you have PLENTY of reasons, justifications, etc. So do I. The past is enough. The present sounds like it is still enough.
If you cant leave it is yours. You might need to forgive yourself for staying this long, make the decision, and take the action.
I am not a know it all. I do not have this figured out, but I am a work in progress, and I am seeing some things.
There is something in you, that attacks you, judges you, and abuses you, and you use this outside person to act it out. This is what I have been doing for years.
So, the theory would go, if you make the decision to accept and forgive yourself for allowing the abuse thus far, then you can say, OK...I now do not want this. Even the good days. I dont want them, either, because they are band aids.
I am still trying, but, I can say this,: As I start to process through this, my fear of leaving and even his behavior is shifting. I think it is because the magnet that I have had on full blast to attract his abuse is getting turned down, and it doesnt give him the charge it used to.
He is kind of being "left" in a sense already, because without me to act out his dance, he is left dancing with himself.
The abuse sounds bad, still, for you. ANd it cant hurt to take measures to talk to your local shelter. They usually consider psychological abuse just as much as physical abuse. You can call them, tell them you want out and need help formulating a plan. Make up a backstory for who the phone calls are to or from,make it something that wont threaten him, (most of these types are controlling, check the phone, get suspicious,etc...) and start making a plan.
I hope my story, and my process is somehow helpful at all.
God Bless you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: boulder, co
Posts: 13
Uggh. This sounds so familiar- the name calling, the violence etc..
I'm struggling with how to leave someone you care about too. I have this ridiculous idea that he will get better. He's in jail right now. Since he has been there, I realized that my life has been better- less worry, less sadness, less anger, less losing myself in the situation. I'm not sure if I'm ready to step out completely. It sounds like you are though. Having a support system, whatever that is, would be of help, I'm sure. I know for myself, I got lost, and it's hard to take a stand when part of you is missing. Now that I'm more on my feet and finding myself again, I'm starting to realize that I do have choices. I don't have to go back to this guy. The question for me is if I want to.
I hope that you can move forward the way you want. It sounds like you have made the choices, it's now a matter of following through. Maybe you can sit down with someone and define what that means to you. (I might need to do this too!)
I wish you the best of luck.
I'm struggling with how to leave someone you care about too. I have this ridiculous idea that he will get better. He's in jail right now. Since he has been there, I realized that my life has been better- less worry, less sadness, less anger, less losing myself in the situation. I'm not sure if I'm ready to step out completely. It sounds like you are though. Having a support system, whatever that is, would be of help, I'm sure. I know for myself, I got lost, and it's hard to take a stand when part of you is missing. Now that I'm more on my feet and finding myself again, I'm starting to realize that I do have choices. I don't have to go back to this guy. The question for me is if I want to.
I hope that you can move forward the way you want. It sounds like you have made the choices, it's now a matter of following through. Maybe you can sit down with someone and define what that means to you. (I might need to do this too!)
I wish you the best of luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Ok it's time to STOP listening to what that piece of human feces says, and start putting together a plan.
You can
a) figure out how to leave, taking your mother with you (which is entirely possible if you found a nice little 2 bedroom apartment)
b) figure out how you can get HIM to leave.
Do you own or rent?
If you own, who is on the mortgage?
If you rent, who is on the lease?
Would he leave if you filed for separation?
I'm asking these questions because I don't know the details of the situation. We can however help you figure out an exit strategy, if and when you are ready. Only you can decide when you've had enough of this life.
Remember that you have a choice. You can choose to end this. It is not under his control whether you leave or not.
You can
a) figure out how to leave, taking your mother with you (which is entirely possible if you found a nice little 2 bedroom apartment)
b) figure out how you can get HIM to leave.
Do you own or rent?
If you own, who is on the mortgage?
If you rent, who is on the lease?
Would he leave if you filed for separation?
I'm asking these questions because I don't know the details of the situation. We can however help you figure out an exit strategy, if and when you are ready. Only you can decide when you've had enough of this life.
Remember that you have a choice. You can choose to end this. It is not under his control whether you leave or not.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by barb dwyer
I read something somwhere
about someone who was talking about the slaves
when once freed they stayed and continued at the very farms
that held them prisioner
because the prison they knew
was more familiar
than the freedom they couldn't imagine.
about someone who was talking about the slaves
when once freed they stayed and continued at the very farms
that held them prisioner
because the prison they knew
was more familiar
than the freedom they couldn't imagine.
He is not going to release me. He will pull out a trump card somewhere - I just don't know what it is yet. He knows I barely have enough energy to get through each day, so he simply has to make it difficult enough for me to do this on my own, and then he won't help me, and I will give up OR he will plead with me that he WILL change but we all know how far that will go.
I wish he would release me. At least then I can get to the task at hand, instead of spending my time worrying about what I need to do to keep him happy and content.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Yes! Excellent ideas. Time to write them all down, and then break down each step with subsection of things to do to achieve them. One by one, day by day, you'll work your way down your list.
I would also strongly advise that you consult an attorney, even for a free over-the-phone consultation, to see where you stand. You can get information that is relevant to your geographical location...it'll also give you a roadmap and timeline for your departure.
Baby steps...and you'll get there!
I would also strongly advise that you consult an attorney, even for a free over-the-phone consultation, to see where you stand. You can get information that is relevant to your geographical location...it'll also give you a roadmap and timeline for your departure.
Baby steps...and you'll get there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by tlm56
I am so sorry you have had to live like that. I lived the same way and stayed for 25 years. He didn't just threaten to kill my dog, he killed my dog and then laughed about how many bullets it took to kill him. I didn't leave, I allowed him to mentally and verbally abuse me and and tell me how worthless I was until I believed it. I felt like I was trapped with no way out, I could deal with what had become normal to me and was afraid of the unknown. It took hitting my rock bottom to wake up and realize it was time to take back the control that I had given him. I look back now and can not believe that I lived like that for 25 years. I wish the best for you from someone who has been there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
You've received some wonderful advice, that I once received here. It's accurate and heartfelt.
As to leaving, it's a mountain of obstacles, it's true.
It's not easy and it's downright terrifying actually.
I didn't think I could support myself.
I didn't think I could get the pets I loved away from him.
I didn't think I could physically get my belongings away on my own.
I didn't think I could leave without him fighting me mentally and physically.
Did I do it? Yes.
Did I ever believe I could do it? I still can't believe I did and it's been 1 year and 5 mos.
Courage is being afraid but saddling up anyway!
I kept telling myself to breath and hang on. It's scary but it must be done.
If you would rather give up material things that live another day like this then move only what you can't leave behind (your mum) and go. He'll see how serious you are this time when you are ready to give it all up to get him out of your life. If it all belongs to him, according to him, then he won't have a problem dealing with the financial fallout on his own. As long as you're a safe distance away, who gives a s**t what he does. You can rebuild your finances and your future and he can rot.
Focus on your safety.
Focus on moving loved ones out of harms way.
The rest will take care of itself.
Alice
As to leaving, it's a mountain of obstacles, it's true.
It's not easy and it's downright terrifying actually.
I didn't think I could support myself.
I didn't think I could get the pets I loved away from him.
I didn't think I could physically get my belongings away on my own.
I didn't think I could leave without him fighting me mentally and physically.
Did I do it? Yes.
Did I ever believe I could do it? I still can't believe I did and it's been 1 year and 5 mos.
Courage is being afraid but saddling up anyway!
I kept telling myself to breath and hang on. It's scary but it must be done.
If you would rather give up material things that live another day like this then move only what you can't leave behind (your mum) and go. He'll see how serious you are this time when you are ready to give it all up to get him out of your life. If it all belongs to him, according to him, then he won't have a problem dealing with the financial fallout on his own. As long as you're a safe distance away, who gives a s**t what he does. You can rebuild your finances and your future and he can rot.
Focus on your safety.
Focus on moving loved ones out of harms way.
The rest will take care of itself.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
I can't add much to what has been written but I can tell you how it happened with me. I didn't have the abuse that you have. I was sick and tired of him drinking, driving drunk and being insanely jealous for no reason. My life was insane. When I finally had enough I put him to bed when he came home drunk and picked up the phone and called my attorney. I made an appointment for the next morning and told my AH where I was going. I filed for divorce and asked my attorney to move it as quickly as possible. My AH had the option to go to the attorney' office and sign the papers and it would cost him nothing. He finally understood that I was serious and did just that. He is still in the grip of alcohol. My life is so much better. Every time I told him that I would leave him if hid did this or that and I didn't follow through with my promise then I lost respect for myself. After enough of it I didn't even know who I was when I looked in the mirror. I lost my soul. But thanks to this website and AlAnon I'm getting better every day. Life is much better on the other side but you have to take the "leap of faith."
My prayers are with you. Please try Alanon.
My prayers are with you. Please try Alanon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice
You've received some wonderful advice, that I once received here. It's accurate and heartfelt.
As to leaving, it's a mountain of obstacles, it's true.
It's not easy and it's downright terrifying actually.
I didn't think I could support myself.
I didn't think I could get the pets I loved away from him.
I didn't think I could physically get my belongings away on my own.
I didn't think I could leave without him fighting me mentally and physically.
Did I do it? Yes.
Did I ever believe I could do it? I still can't believe I did and it's been 1 year and 5 mos.
Courage is being afraid but saddling up anyway!
I kept telling myself to breath and hang on. It's scary but it must be done.
If you would rather give up material things that live another day like this then move only what you can't leave behind (your mum) and go. He'll see how serious you are this time when you are ready to give it all up to get him out of your life. If it all belongs to him, according to him, then he won't have a problem dealing with the financial fallout on his own. As long as you're a safe distance away, who gives a s**t what he does. You can rebuild your finances and your future and he can rot.
Focus on your safety.
Focus on moving loved ones out of harms way.
The rest will take care of itself.
Alice
As to leaving, it's a mountain of obstacles, it's true.
It's not easy and it's downright terrifying actually.
I didn't think I could support myself.
I didn't think I could get the pets I loved away from him.
I didn't think I could physically get my belongings away on my own.
I didn't think I could leave without him fighting me mentally and physically.
Did I do it? Yes.
Did I ever believe I could do it? I still can't believe I did and it's been 1 year and 5 mos.
Courage is being afraid but saddling up anyway!
I kept telling myself to breath and hang on. It's scary but it must be done.
If you would rather give up material things that live another day like this then move only what you can't leave behind (your mum) and go. He'll see how serious you are this time when you are ready to give it all up to get him out of your life. If it all belongs to him, according to him, then he won't have a problem dealing with the financial fallout on his own. As long as you're a safe distance away, who gives a s**t what he does. You can rebuild your finances and your future and he can rot.
Focus on your safety.
Focus on moving loved ones out of harms way.
The rest will take care of itself.
Alice
So good for you that you have made it! If and when I do, I will believe again and then perhaps I can help others, like me, who have felt so trapped, believe too. Thanks for the inspiration and motivation. Gawd - I don't think I can get too much of it at this point.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I know you're not there yet, but there may come a time where you have to consider giving up "paradise" (which essentially consists of a place and objects), so that you can have PEACE and SANITY.
After all, "stuff" is just "stuff", and you can find a new place to live.
After all, "stuff" is just "stuff", and you can find a new place to live.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by RollTide
Every time I told him that I would leave him if he did this or that and I didn't follow through with my promise then I lost respect for myself. After enough of it I didn't even know who I was when I looked in the mirror. I lost my soul. But thanks to this website and AlAnon I'm getting better every day. Life is much better on the other side but you have to take the "leap of faith."
My prayers are with you. Please try Alanon.
My prayers are with you. Please try Alanon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by tryintosmile
Thanks to people like you and this website, I am getting stronger by the minute. I lost my self respect every time I allowed something new to happen that I'd never believed I would accept. I stopped looking in the mirror because I didn't recognize myself. I will be going to my first EVER Alanon meeting tonight and hope to start the process of getting my soul back too.
Wonderful that you are going to AlAnon tonight. Please let us know how it goes. I look forward to my meetings now.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Could you please clarify whether or not you are married to this person?
He has no legal carte blanche to that house and your shared property just because that's how he feels.
I agree with NoDay; please consult an attorney so that you can determine what your rights are. I think this will help you to start formalizing a plan of action.
Baby steps.
He has no legal carte blanche to that house and your shared property just because that's how he feels.
I agree with NoDay; please consult an attorney so that you can determine what your rights are. I think this will help you to start formalizing a plan of action.
Baby steps.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
and perhaps opull-back on being the support for all your family for a while, just for a bit, in order to give yourself some time and a bit more energy to work out how to make your life better? this isn't selfish, afterall, if you go under where would they be then?
it's the old put the oxygen mask on the adults before the kids scenario, because if the adults collapse, the kids are stuffed.
it's the old put the oxygen mask on the adults before the kids scenario, because if the adults collapse, the kids are stuffed.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I was fortunate in my ways, with my XABF.
He was verbally and emotionally abusive. Everything was always my fault in his world.
He started throwing furniture, and I ran away, changed the locks the next day, and never let him back in. The apartment only had my name on the lease, and he never changed his legal address from his mother's, so he had no legal way to fight his way back in.
He went to rehab to "get me back" and while he was there I realized how much I enjoyed not having him around. I also realized he wasn't interested in changing, because he called me every day and tried to guilt me into things.
I cannot imagine what it much have been like, living through all that abuse for so long. I understand it is not an easy thing to do to leave, but you have to keep yourself safe. The Domestic Violence hotlines posted here can help a lot, they can help walk you through some of the important things you need to know and do to get out.
Good luck.
You're not alone.
He was verbally and emotionally abusive. Everything was always my fault in his world.
He started throwing furniture, and I ran away, changed the locks the next day, and never let him back in. The apartment only had my name on the lease, and he never changed his legal address from his mother's, so he had no legal way to fight his way back in.
He went to rehab to "get me back" and while he was there I realized how much I enjoyed not having him around. I also realized he wasn't interested in changing, because he called me every day and tried to guilt me into things.
I cannot imagine what it much have been like, living through all that abuse for so long. I understand it is not an easy thing to do to leave, but you have to keep yourself safe. The Domestic Violence hotlines posted here can help a lot, they can help walk you through some of the important things you need to know and do to get out.
Good luck.
You're not alone.
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