Mother drives drunk with children
 

My nephew's mother drives drunk with her children (and their friends) in the car. I drove 2 children home from a ball game last night because she was drunk. AND she kept insisting to the kids she was fine and should not go with me. Now what do I do? I want to talk to her when she is sober. What do I say?

Hi Nephewaunt, my heart sank when I read your story because I went through the exact same thing with my sister. I said a lot of things to try and get her to stop, but after tons of failure and arguments my best approach ever was to tell her the following. "I know you drive drunk with the girls, whether you want to admit it or not. At this point I cannot control what situations you put yourself in, but I will do ANYTHING to make sure my nieces are ok. If you EVER put them in the car with you while you have been drinking please know I will not hesitate to call the cops." I told her this once as she was about to drive off, she was liiiivid, but after hearing what I said she let the girls out and ended up not driving because she was afraid I would call the cops.

I also warned her that if her behavior around my neices did not stop, I would also call social services. I had to call them as well.

Whatever conversation you have with her, please be sure to follow through on what you tell her! I went through a huge battle within myself and my family when I called social services, but at the end of the day, the kids safety is the ONLY thing that matters.

Be strong, good luck, stick to your guns, and have faith!!! :-)

Talking to her when she's sober won't do jack...because nothing you do or say will ever change her. That's not within your power. Only she can decide to make any change.

However, I agree with shinethru:
1) Call the cops (I'd keep her license plate number and the make/model of her car handy)
2) Call CPS.

She is endangering her children's lives, not to mention the lives of those whose path she crosses.

IMO she needs to have her license revoked before she kills someone.

Thanks for the advice. I plan to talk to my sister-in-law tonight because I know the children will not be there. I will tell her exactly as you said, "I will call the police and I will call social services". I have already told the older child I will come and pick him up whenever and wherever if anything like this happens again. Should I offer her the same? Am I enabling if I tell her I will pick her up if she in unable to driver? She has a history of abusing offers of help but I don't want her driving while drunk with or without the children.

Yes. You would be enabling her.

Just like you did with one kid, tell them to call you if they need someone to drive them home and they suspect your SIL is drunk.

Be very clear on your commitment to call the cops if it happens again. Putting a child in that situation is not tolerable at all.

I agree with shellcrusher. I know you don't want her driving drunk, but you know she absuses the help from others. She KNOWS someone will bail her out.

I would recommend not making her your responsibility. Keep your focus on the kids.

Sometimes an alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom all by themselves.

nodaybut2day - You are right. One time is one too many but this is not the first time, just the first time when I was present and thank God I went to the game. Talking is NOT going to change this. I am calling Child Protective Services. Thank you for the reality check.

Be prepared for what might come from your Brother, should you call CPS.
He may not be in the right place in his own mind to see the problems.

This is assuming things that you haven't said yet so I'm just tossing it out there.

You are my new heroine/hero? If EVERYBODY had the stones you have, the kids would be safer for sure. I can only dream of having a set as impressive as yours. Good job.

My axw picked our 4yo DD up from daycare wasted, which prompted them to call CPS, which was the beginning of the end for me, which was a good thing. But I can't believe they LET HER DRIVE OFF. Unbelievable.

And THEN you had to fade heat from your goofy family, unbelievable.

Yes, call the police and call CPS. It'll punch your ticket to Heaven. Keep up the good work.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

I'm not even sure I'd even bother warning her. Ever hear the term "spitting into the wind"?

Your identity will not be revealed by CPS, and it could have been any one of a dozen parents at the game.

My axw, to this day, along with her "clan", thinks I called CPS on US. I told her I appreciate the compliment, but that I wish I'd been man enough to do that.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

I agree, shinethru, your advice is absolutely perfect!

There may be consequences but I did call CPS because both my nephew and my brother confirmed that this has happened before. Of course 30 or 40 people saw her at the game and my nephew also told the other child I drove home what the issue was so anyone one of those people could report her. Sadly, no one else offered to drive her or insisted on taking the children. If a visit from CPS doesn't change her, maybe it will convince my brother to go to court for full custody.

Thank you all for your support and advice.

nephewaunt, You did the right thing. You are strong and smart and brave. You are an inspiration.
Thank you.

To this day no one in my family knows that I was the one who called the police to give them a detailed route of my brothers trips to his sister in laws house, she lives 50 miles away from us.
I explained the whole deal, that I knew my brother was driving with my nephew in the car while he was drunk (well, not drunk, topped up is a more apt phrase)
That I was sure my brother drove better drunk than 'sober' at that time.
They followed him, let him pass his son over to his sister in law,(I am so glad I explianed) then picked him up for drunk driving, he spent a night in the cells then was free to drive home.
Two months later in court he was banned for 12 months and had a £180 fine. He died before the ban ended. From alcohol related diseases. he was over double the UK limit while he drove his son 50 miles on the motorway in rush hour.

I believe the only proper thing to do when you know somebody is driving drunk, regardless of who is in the car with them, is to call the Police. In retrospect, if my wife had ever killed anybody or my daughter, their blood would have been on my hands.

Given that she wrecked two cars, I'm very, very lucky this didn't happen. I'm ashamed that I allowed it to continue for so long before I finally called the police on my own wife.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

Thank you Coyote, I guess my mom & dad thought I didn't love my sister because I would do that. It wasn't easy and I think I'm a bit messed up emotionally now :-) from years of battles with sister and my family, but THANK GOD we recently all got on the same page.

Sister went into rehab just this Monday and now my aunt duies kick into full gear....baking, tutoring, park time, finding a counselor....just getting my nieces back to a happy place.

I hope you and your child are doing well!