vujade

So I'm still walking around today on the verge of tears. Driving my kiddo to school was rough for some reason (RA is not the father of my children, BTW. My XAH is their dad.) and my little man asked about RA today. (we're going to call that a Relapsing Alcoholic since in this case, R does not stand for recovering anymore) That was rough.

But I digress...I realized that althought I'm horribly sad, I'm not exhibiting the behaviors of the past. I haven't heard from RA in over 12 hours and I haven't made contact. I found myself wondering where he is...if he is safe and warm. Realized that he could be in jail for all I know. What surprised me is that even though I'm still feeling the burn of oncoming tears, I felt NO urge to start making calls. Not to the hospital, jail, parents, friends...nothing. This is HIS deal. Mine is mine. I DESERVE some peace and normalcy in life. I should be able to come home and not worry if there is a drunk hanging out there. I should be able to not have to listen like crazy during a phone call to see if there is subtle slurring. I DESERVE this! I DESERVE peace.

I miss that terrific sober guy. I'm not going to lie. I mourn the loss to the core of my being. But I realized last night that sadly, the only way I could save myself from being around that drunken jerk was to get rid of Mr. Wonderful, too. It reminds me of the guy who, several years ago, went rock climbing and got his arm stuck between two rocks. He had to cut it off with a knife. It was horribly painful and altered his life forever...but it also SAVED his life. I need to think of the greater good...me. I'm going to save MY life. RA has to save his own.

MsPINKAcres

((SKW))

Yes you do deserve a relationship with someone that is healthy and able to give you and your children the respect & honor everyone deserves.

While still active in his disease ~ he is unable to do that.

PINK HUGS & prayers as you seek what is healthy for you!!