Short term memory
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Short term memory
For a while now both my youngest DD and myself have been getting frustrated at having to repeat ourselves to my AH who sometimes doesn't even remember our conversations with him, days later.
A couple of weeks ago, I sorted out a lot of bedding/sheets/towels etc to throw out. I telephoned my DD who doesn't live at home to see if she wanted to pick out anything and arranged for her to come over at the weekend. It was the week of the severe floods in QLD, Aus and I was at home due to no train service or power at work.
When my AH came home from work, I had a long conversation with him about the sheets, about our daughter coming over and even that I would contact the Salvation Army to see if they could use them.
The next morning, I got up and AH announced 'I have been to the dump'. He had taken all the stuff to the local dump! I was a bit dumbfounded/angry and said something about how if a 'normal' person was having short term memory problems they would be worried and would be seeing a doctor. My daughter was angry and disappointed too.
A couple of weeks later and today I found myself talking to him like he was a kid. Making sure he had heard me clearly and wasn't going to chuck something else away. I realised it and even said to him 'i dont want to talk to you like I'm your mum, its not right!' He just shrugged it off.
Short term memory - whats the goer with this phenomenon! I am sure its not only me!
A couple of weeks ago, I sorted out a lot of bedding/sheets/towels etc to throw out. I telephoned my DD who doesn't live at home to see if she wanted to pick out anything and arranged for her to come over at the weekend. It was the week of the severe floods in QLD, Aus and I was at home due to no train service or power at work.
When my AH came home from work, I had a long conversation with him about the sheets, about our daughter coming over and even that I would contact the Salvation Army to see if they could use them.
The next morning, I got up and AH announced 'I have been to the dump'. He had taken all the stuff to the local dump! I was a bit dumbfounded/angry and said something about how if a 'normal' person was having short term memory problems they would be worried and would be seeing a doctor. My daughter was angry and disappointed too.
A couple of weeks later and today I found myself talking to him like he was a kid. Making sure he had heard me clearly and wasn't going to chuck something else away. I realised it and even said to him 'i dont want to talk to you like I'm your mum, its not right!' He just shrugged it off.
Short term memory - whats the goer with this phenomenon! I am sure its not only me!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
It is NOT you. It's scary.
My AH just went for an upper endoscopy, and the GI told AH that he has Barrett's esophagus which simply has to be monitored because the NEXT stage COULD be precancerous, but then hardly anyone actually gets cancer.
So he scheduled another baseline biopsy for 4 months down the road. AH knew this. The doctor had spoken to him, AH repeated it to me, and then when the paperwork came in for the end of April, I told AH of when the appointment was.
So one of the times he came in drunk last week, he started ranting about how he has cancer. I kept saying "How do you know that?? Who told you that?" And he couldn't answer.
The next day, when he was sober, he came out of his home office and said, "Oh, so the biopsy isn't for four months. So this thing I have can't be THAT bad, right?"
I can't believe that he has blocked out at least 3 conversations about this, but he obviously has.
My AH just went for an upper endoscopy, and the GI told AH that he has Barrett's esophagus which simply has to be monitored because the NEXT stage COULD be precancerous, but then hardly anyone actually gets cancer.
So he scheduled another baseline biopsy for 4 months down the road. AH knew this. The doctor had spoken to him, AH repeated it to me, and then when the paperwork came in for the end of April, I told AH of when the appointment was.
So one of the times he came in drunk last week, he started ranting about how he has cancer. I kept saying "How do you know that?? Who told you that?" And he couldn't answer.
The next day, when he was sober, he came out of his home office and said, "Oh, so the biopsy isn't for four months. So this thing I have can't be THAT bad, right?"
I can't believe that he has blocked out at least 3 conversations about this, but he obviously has.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Yes, I have that happen here too. I just couldn't decide if it was AH's ptsd or the alcohol.
He has a great long term memory, I mean, he can bring up boyfriends I had before I ever met him during one of his tirades, but he can't remember what he needs to pick up on his way home from work, when I've told him 8 hours previously.
He has a great long term memory, I mean, he can bring up boyfriends I had before I ever met him during one of his tirades, but he can't remember what he needs to pick up on his way home from work, when I've told him 8 hours previously.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 58
My ADP will argue with me about things he swears that I've told him, even to the point of what kind of anesthesia I had 44 years ago when I had my daughter, and I didn't even know him then. He swears that I told him I'd had an epidural or a saddle block and I had neither, and know that I never said I did. I suggested that perhaps someone else he knows told him about their experience, but he swears it was ME and that I'm lying AGAIN.
It gets really old really quickly when their illness and memory loss and/or delusions cause you to be called a liar time and again. I don't know how many times I had to prove things to him and sometimes even that isn't enough. It's a lose/lose situation because I am never right and am never even given the benefit of the doubt because there's never any doubt that he's right and I'm lying.
It gets really old really quickly when their illness and memory loss and/or delusions cause you to be called a liar time and again. I don't know how many times I had to prove things to him and sometimes even that isn't enough. It's a lose/lose situation because I am never right and am never even given the benefit of the doubt because there's never any doubt that he's right and I'm lying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I think it was a combination of things, at least in our case.
I'm guessing my xah has adhd so that factors in.
I think when he was drinking he just didn't give a damn about what I was saying so he didn't actually listen. Something I can understand because I ended up doing it right back at him.
Alcohol jumbled his thoughts. It made keeping his life organized extremely difficult and he honestly just didn't keep track of information very well - which created more stress and increased the difficulty with keeping things straight.
He was a little passive aggressive so he'd do something like the dump run accidentally on purpose.
I'm guessing my xah has adhd so that factors in.
I think when he was drinking he just didn't give a damn about what I was saying so he didn't actually listen. Something I can understand because I ended up doing it right back at him.
Alcohol jumbled his thoughts. It made keeping his life organized extremely difficult and he honestly just didn't keep track of information very well - which created more stress and increased the difficulty with keeping things straight.
He was a little passive aggressive so he'd do something like the dump run accidentally on purpose.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
I just had a recently dealing with the short term memory issue. I'm living in my paternal g-ma's condo for the time being (she passed recently) and my A father and his sister had planned to come over the weekend to clean out some of my g-ma's things. My A father called me every other day for a 5 days reminding me that he and my aunt were coming to clean out some stuff. I was going to be out of town that weekend, so it didn't matter to me when they came (as they both have keys to the place). Three times... His "excuse" was, "my memory is like a sive these days." Yeah... ok.
By the third time, I could guess why he was calling. I should have just let it go to voicemail, but part of me wanted him to hear the frustration in my voice when I told him for the THIRD time that I was out of town.
By the third time, I could guess why he was calling. I should have just let it go to voicemail, but part of me wanted him to hear the frustration in my voice when I told him for the THIRD time that I was out of town.
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