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Old 01-25-2011, 07:49 PM
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Hello :)

This is not my first time on this forum, but it is my first time posting under this account. I recently left my ABF and it was a very difficult and scary breakup. I have gone completely no contact and while it is hard I feel so STRONG!!! I don't miss him or the drama, but I have a hard time staying silent as he slanders me or spouts lies. For my safety I keep my mouth shut and have changed my number so I don't have to hear his tirades anymore. It is heartbreaking to be ripped to shreds by someone that I sacrificed everything for. It's sad that because I said enough is enough he feels okay to hate me and show me zero respect. It is a learning experience, though, and while I can't change him I can begin to treat myself with the love and respect I deserve. I'm glad to be back and am looking forward to being part of the forum.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:17 PM
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Hi Idul. Congratulations on taking the first step.

One step at a time, one day at a time.. and even if he isn't/won't/can't be gentle with you, be gentle with yourself. It does and will get easier and better.
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:34 PM
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Deep breaths and one day at a time. (((hugs)))
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:50 PM
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Thanks for the responses. The "deep breaths" one had me giggling because just 2 hours ago I received a nasty e-mail from EX-ABF and then my computer started acting weird. Without thinking I said out loud "I can't take this, I just want to cry!". My seven year old son (who has a tendency to be less than compassionate) walked over and said "Deep breaths, mom, deep breaths." It worked like a charm and my son and I had a really great time snuggling and discussing the current situation. Thank God for resilient children and the opportunity to do better by them tomorrow!
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Old 01-25-2011, 08:56 PM
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BTW, Idul, stands for "I deserve unconditional love" and is the mantra I repeat over and over to get me through this
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Idul View Post
Thanks for the responses. The "deep breaths" one had me giggling because just 2 hours ago I received a nasty e-mail from EX-ABF and then my computer started acting weird. Without thinking I said out loud "I can't take this, I just want to cry!". My seven year old son (who has a tendency to be less than compassionate) walked over and said "Deep breaths, mom, deep breaths." It worked like a charm and my son and I had a really great time snuggling and discussing the current situation. Thank God for resilient children and the opportunity to do better by them tomorrow!
Someone waaaay wiser than me once told me the dynamics of a break-up. It's true for ones in a normie relationship and ones in those like ours. He told me that intimacy comes in more than one form, that it's not just the lovey dovey kind but also in the arguing, angry nasty e-mail kind.

He is jumping up and down for your attention. Waving his arms around (virtually) for attention. Negative attention is still attention. But, I get the feeling, you know this Good for you for not rising to it.

Your son sounds like a little star. Deep breaths and lots of cuddles.
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Old 01-26-2011, 03:27 AM
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It is very hard to sit still and stay calm when someone is telling lies about you.

I used to imagine my XH with his head sticking out of the window of an insane asylum, saying those same things. That put it into perspective.

The people who know you well also know that what he is saying is ca-ca.
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Old 01-26-2011, 04:25 AM
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The hardest thing (for me) to do
is to be still and let the integrity of my character

...do the talking.


They always, ALWAYS mess it up, hon.
THe truth will ALWAYS come through.
It's the waiting for others to see it
that's the pain in the you know.

But there's a MEANWHILE.
And your son was there for you tonight.

You're out.
That's the one big shining thing.

It's not 'your' circle any more.
Now new, positive, supportive people have room
to come into your life
and the lives of your kids...
and you can let them in because you're wiser
and can tell who is 'good' and who isn't for your highest good.

You escaped.

Celebrate that every day!
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Old 01-26-2011, 04:30 AM
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Welcome back to SR. This forum keeps me sane.

One step at a time, one day at time and one minute at a time if necessary.

Look how far you have already come....and no decisions ever have to made today

Take Care Phiz
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