cb12

I said NO. I am finally starting to really grasp and really see the codependent behavior in my life. I'm beginning to reject it!

I'm a volunteer peer mentor for folks in my major for the next couple weeks, and I had a woman come in who needed a lot of help with transferring units from one university to another. She wanted me to do the work for her. She wanted me to talk to her faculty advisor and have her come back later to find out the answer. I politely said, "No, I'm sorry I can't do that for you. I can tell you where the department office is and maybe they can help you."

I'm reminding myself that baby steps are progress.

lillamy

Go you!!! Don't you sometimes wish we could take classes from two-year-olds? Whose favorite word is "NO!"

tlm56

You just made me realize something!!! I can not say "No" What an eye opener this is, maybe I should start working on that. Thanks

barb dwyer

congratulations!

I *love* that word!

tallulah

Congrats!

I love saying no.. oh and telling someone how it is going to be rather than asking permission *g*

tjp613

Careful! It's addicting!!!

cb12

It truly made my day to be able to say no, and not feel guilty. It is not my responsibility. It is her responsibility. I am not required to do anything that I don't want to do. I've read those couple of sentences so many times on this site... I think it's finally sinking in.

Thanks SR community!

Floss

I like that one! I'm writing it down. Congratulations on saying no cb and for not feeling guilty!

tjp613

In case you haven't read it here before, I'll give you this gem that really helped me:

Helping = Something you do for someone who cannot do it for themselves.
Enabling = Doing something for another that they are quite capable of doing for themselves.

cb12

Except it's not NO this time...
This time I figured out what my responsibilities are and where they end, and have taken steps to ensure that I won't do more than I am responsible for.

I live in my paternal grandmother's condo (who passed recently) and my A dad and his siblings will be selling the place in a couple months. Anyways they have decided to paint the entire interior of the condo before that happens. All of the furniture must be moved so that the painters can do their thing. My A dad and his sister are coming tomorrow morning to move furniture into the garage. I texted my A dad and told him that I won't be here tomorrow, but that I will move my stuff into my bedroom to allow him access to everything else.

My responsibility is to move my stuff. His responsibility is moving the furniture. I've made plans to go out for the day. I'm feeling good about this. In the past, I would have felt that i HAD to stay to help him. Plus, I have to write my letter of intent for graduate school-- I don't have time to be moving furniture all day.