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Old 01-25-2011, 01:23 PM
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Tolerance

Hi all,
I am fairly new to this way of life. My wife has been drinking consistently now for around five years. It started like most with a glass or two with dinner or in the evening. Now for the last year or so it has been at least a bottle almost every night. For the last few months it has been every night. At first there were some nasty blackouts, then it was just falling asleep early in the evening. But I have noticed lately that she isnt falling asleep and you would hardly know that she has had a bottle in an hour and a half. So whats happening? Is here tolerance increasing to where it is going to take a bottle and a half or two? I am going nuts trying to figure out what to expect in the future.


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Old 01-25-2011, 01:34 PM
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Hi there and welcome,

My name is Rose and I am an alcoholic.

My experience is that she is hiding her drinking so that it appears to you she isn't drinking as much.

I hid my drinking so my DH wouldn't know that I had a bottle of wine before I had the glass or two with dinner. Then, I blamed my passing out, I mean falling asleep on my sinus medication, the herbs I was taking, etc. rather then being hones about my drinking.

I could be wrong...just sharing my experience with you
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:39 PM
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I have read that alcoholism progresses in such a way that yes, she could have built up a great deal of tolerance and no longer needs those early naps.

I have also read that the next stage (3) that she will progress to needing much less alcohol to get drunk, in fact a decreased tolerance.

You might want to read up on the 4 stages of alcoholism.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:43 PM
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She isnt trying to hide her drinking and I keep a close eye on how much is in the house. It just seems she isnt as intoxicated as she used to be a couple of months ago with the same amount of alcohol.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:46 PM
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Then her tolerance is increasingm (sorry, I misunderstood)

She will only be able to handle this for awhile, then, the progression of this disease will continue.

Is it acceptable to you that she drinks that much?
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:47 PM
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People do build up a tolerance to alcohol.

As far as what to expect in the future - don't drive yourself crazy.

Tomorrow you expect exactly what you have today, only a teeny tiny bit more, just like today is a teeny tiny bit more then yesterday.

Like this year is a tad bit worse then last year...next year will be a tad bit worse then this year.....and so it goes.

5 years ago life was different then it is today. 5 years from now, it will be just as different.

Alcoholism is progressive - and if you expect that - you will be way ahead of where I was 5 yrs in.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:48 PM
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Well bud, you've probably read by now that it's time for you to start monitoring yourself.
She's going to drink either way you slice it. My wife is the same way and in the end, it doesn't matter if her tolerance improves or not.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:49 PM
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Nope. I have talked to her, the kids have talked to her all to no avail. I have read on this site and through other research that until she wants to quit and not deny she has a problem there isnt much I can do to convince her otherwise.

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Old 01-25-2011, 02:09 PM
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That's right, grizz.

The other side of the coin is this.
You have kids. They need you because she isn't really available. You have to make sure you're taking care of yourself 1st.
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Old 01-25-2011, 02:16 PM
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thanks pal. Luckily the kids are older, the youngest in the late teens. the others are in their twenties. They saw life before alcohol so they see the difference. but yes I am taking care of myself. I am same as you....a large man with a small spouse, so excercise and good sleep is important


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Old 01-25-2011, 06:47 PM
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Grizz. Do this my friend and your life will improve. Give it a chance. Try at least six meetings before deciding if it is for you. Try some different ones too, as each has a different character to it.

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

Cyranoak (I have yet another petite alcoholic wife. There seems to be a lot of them.)
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:10 AM
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I'd like to recommend reading "Under the Influence" -- It gives a very clear understanding of what goes on physically with the human body as alcohol is consumed over long periods. Hmmm...and if you leave it laying around the house, the wife may just pick it up and read it!

Here's a thread with some good excerpts to give you an idea of what's in the book:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:15 AM
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I agree with Shellcrusher.
What do you do for your wellness?
Cuz now YOU'RE in recovery
whether she is or not.

Right?
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:40 AM
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Welcome to SR. This place keeps many of us sane. You will learn so much here about alcoholism.

Take care of yourself first.....am glad you found this wnderful place.

All the best Phiz
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:20 AM
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Hi Grizz - welcome to SR

I would say that it sounds like Al-anon time to me too.

My AH drinking hasn't really increased dramatically over the last 30 yrs or so. In fact I would say that he drunk more when he was much younger. His tolerance seems to go in waves too but at the moment it just makes him sleepy.

I have been married to my AH for 22yrs. He has drunk mainly beer all of our entire life together (we met at 15yrs old). When we lived in the UK, he would drink out of the house (pub) maybe 3-4 nights a week and drink at home in-between.

When we moved to Aus, he didn't have the pubs/social life to go out to, so drank at home all the time. We even got the 'beer fridge' that the Aussies are famous for. This was really when his drinking became a real problem for me as it was more noticeable. I began 'counting' the number of beers he was consuming. I also had an excel spreadsheet with all the money purchases that had been spent on alcohol. I counted how many beers were in the fridge on a daily basis, so that I could know how many beers he was drinking on a daily basis.

We had some almighty rows about it that led to him saying that 'he was going to carry on drinking whether I liked it or not' and 'if I didn't like it, I could leave'.

I was devastated, 30 yrs together and I was coming second to beer - really?!! At this point I felt crazy, trying to figure it out and then someone told me to try Al-anon and it helped me in so many ways. In Al-anon we try to keep the focus on ourselves so that we can stay healthy in mind and spirit.

Alcoholism is known as the family disease as it effects everyone who comes into contact with it and can make you very sick too. I know I am. After a year and a bit of Al-anon, I have slacked off going, and I have recently been counting and watching my AH drinking again and feeling nuts about it. To solve that, I am going to up my Al-anon meetings and do some more psychotherapy to get myself well again.

I have grown up children too, who have both been affected by their dads drinking. They have both talked to him about his drinking too, to no avail. It really is a complete waste of time and effort to try and make alcoholics see what alcohol is doing to them and their families. It makes no difference at all to the alcoholic and just leads the family to frustration.

I think I was at my happiest when I felt that I couldn't care less what my AH was drinking and doing to himself, as long as he wasn't affecting me.

Have a look into AL-anon and keep reading and posing on SR in the meantime. Really pleased you found us, as someone above said, your recovery starts now.
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Old 01-26-2011, 07:51 AM
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thanks for all the replies. Last night was a first...after the bottle of wine and telling us she us she is doing better because she is drinking lower Alcohol content wine (is this quacking?) she started in on a glass of Vodka. She has never been a hard liquor drinker so we shall see if this is a one time deal or the first of a new chapter. I wont go into it, but the rest of the night was horrible. Finally got to bed after midnight and up for work at 4:30...what a drag.

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Old 01-26-2011, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by grizz View Post
thanks for all the replies. Last night was a first...after the bottle of wine and telling us she us she is doing better because she is drinking lower Alcohol content wine (is this quacking?) she started in on a glass of Vodka. She has never been a hard liquor drinker so we shall see if this is a one time deal or the first of a new chapter. I wont go into it, but the rest of the night was horrible. Finally got to bed after midnight and up for work at 4:30...what a drag.

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Yes. QUACK
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Old 01-26-2011, 07:59 AM
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Honestly - everything an active alcoholic says is quacking. It does not matter what they say, agree to, discuss, suggest, explain. In the long run every ACTION will be one that protects and feeds the addiction. The words are engineered to keep the status quo and nothing else.
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Old 01-26-2011, 08:10 AM
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Yeah, the old "I'm doing better" line. It's part of them trying to have their cake, eat it too, and shut us up. My AH just recently told me that he thinks he's "doing better." Not sure if that means he's not out in the garage as much (he does a lot of puttering in that garage), or if it means he stopped at 5 vodkas instead of 6 at the bar, so he could get home 15 minutes earlier and I wouldn't be QUITE as upset, or if it means he's told himself that he probably should cut down but really hasn't.

But usually "doing better" has nothing to do with facing reality. And their doing better is still just another term for fighting the surrender they have to come to if they really want to beat it
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Old 01-26-2011, 08:57 AM
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QUACK!!
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