more post-A dating talk

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01-26-2011, 08:24 AM

# 21 (permalink)

stella27

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Quote:

Originally Posted by gerryP

Stella you may feel ready and as much as you have the right to decide that, it's also his right to decide for himself what he is comfortable with pursuing.

gerry, I appreciate your last post, and that is where my own thinking had taken me. But THIS?

caused me to change my whole opinion of the situation. He was pushing for honest communication, I gave it to him. He did the same for me.

then I thought "I was honest and where did it get me?"

instead of "I was honest, he was honest, with open communication, you can both decide if THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT."

01-26-2011, 10:39 AM

# 22 (permalink)

gerryP

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You lost me on the post Stella.

Not sure what you mean.

01-26-2011, 11:08 AM

# 23 (permalink)

lillamy

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Quote:

People are in your life for a reason, a season, or forever. Closeting yourself, imho, does you no good. As long as you are honest with yourself and the people you are around.. that's what matters. Then you leave it up to them. It's a pretty good lesson in defeating codie behaviour in some ways (I think): laying it out on the table and letting the other person decide what they want to do about it.

That's pretty much what I'm thinking. And I think in my situation, it helps that the man I'm in a relationship with has been a friend for 30 years. He knows everything there is to know about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And if, for whatever reason, our "romantic" relationship didn't work out, I have every reason to believe we'd remain friends. We have a completely honest, no bs, no mind-games, relationship, and always have.

01-26-2011, 11:48 AM

# 24 (permalink)

stella27

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that he gets to decide what he wants in his life just like I get to decide what I want in mine.

He may be wrong about whether I am ready to date. I want to explain to him why I think he's wrong and convince him that I am right. (codie behavior)

But it's still his call.

01-26-2011, 12:09 PM

# 25 (permalink)

Jazzman

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Join Date: Jul 2005

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Quote:

Originally Posted by stella27

I don't know why we can't just have a good time now without worrying about whether it's forever. Maybe I am more recovered than he is,

Actually, that's what I was thinking....

Ah.. there's plenty of fish in the ocean. I think you've already spent too much brain energy on this one. If he ever calls you for a dinner date you can contemplate it then...

01-26-2011, 01:54 PM

# 26 (permalink)

gerryP

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Exactly Stella.

'Wanting' to convince him, I get that. But remember your not for sale.

01-26-2011, 03:33 PM

# 27 (permalink)

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

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Location: MASSACHUSETTS

Posts: 441

I think because our relationships are long over before we actually end them, it could seem like we are moving too fast to others. They have not walked in our shoes.

You decide when you are ready and no one else. Sounds like he is full of BS to me. I am not looking forward to dating again, although I do not want my A relationship to turn me off to all men either. You sound like you are doing just fine and it is him at this point in time. If you are ready to date, go for it and enjoy your fishing!!