Do you ever pray that they'll get a DUI?

Old 01-25-2011, 11:00 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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When my RAH was in the throws of his alcoholism, he did get two DUIs. It never deterred him. It just made him blame the cops & the unfair, unjust system. (Cops are evil. Lawyers are jerks. And on & on & on.) Serving time & doing court-appointed 12-steps were annoyances to him, but nothing that would keep him from his loves (alcohol & pot). I honestly thought my husband had no bottom (besides death). It was so hopeless. When I was on my downward spiral toward my bottom , I wished he just wouldn't come home. (I was terrified he would hurt himself driving under the influence and even worse he would hurt or kill someone else) but I started wishing for him not to come home. I knew I was crumbling at that point.
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:43 PM
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My AH used to drink and drive.I refused to get in the car with him or allow him to drive our children.I threatened to call the police on any occasion when he was obviously way over the limit and intending to drive.Eventually he gave up DRIVING.
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Old 01-25-2011, 04:38 PM
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Oh yes, and calling the police to warn them of the drunk driver out there! Completely forgot about that one. I remember doing that a few times! Thanks everyone!
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:34 PM
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Wasn't wishing it as much as I was worrying about it.
I wished that he'd die, though. Because that was the only way I could see out of it. Because I couldn't see a way that I could hurt him as much as I knew it would hurt him if I left.
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:38 PM
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Mine got that DUI a year ago and guess what, I just found out he was sneaking it behind my back and was totally drunk last week. In my case, no it did not make him "Get It", although I did think it would. Silly me.
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:25 PM
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by SashaMB View Post
However, until they are ready to get help, they can rationalize the insane, justify the unjustifiable, and continue to try to make you believe you are the one with the problem.
Thank you-- that makes sense to me.

I have wished many times that my A father would get a DUI. Just maybe it would be his bottom. Losing his wife and kids wasn't the bottom, maybe a DUI would do the trick. He's never gotten a DUI.
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Old 01-26-2011, 04:18 AM
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O yes, when we wish to force there bottom with dreams of them suffering enough consequences to once and for all make the necessary changes that will bring about the life we wish to share with them which also brings us peace and happiness..................we will often discover (the hard way) that they havent quite reached it YET......they still have another bottom.

I've learned to be careful what you wish for!

Our resentments make those wishful thoughts of dui's and job losses and forcing their bottoms seem wonderful but the reality of active addiction is that all of those things only gives them more Ill justifications to keep using/drinking more in the short term and a good back pocket pull it out anytime down the road excuse to pick up again.

It's much easier recognizing and accepting my own bottom then it is to sit around waiting for theirs..
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Old 01-26-2011, 04:52 AM
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Didn't work ...

He did get a DUI. It did help - in a way. Might have saved some lives on the road, as well as his own, but the price? Several thousand dollars in fines and a course he had to take. Instead, he decided to stay HOME all the time to drink. Stay home and abuse me. YAY! (not)

A heart attack didn't stop him either.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:05 AM
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AH got one. Didn't do a thing, really. MAYBE slowed down his drinking because he didn't have as much access, but the mind games were still there. He blamed the convenience store clerk, who called the cops when he fell asleep in the car in the parking lot with the key in the ignition--by law in my state, if the key were NOT in the ignition, he couldn't get a DUI, but since it was, it shows intent to drive, which is the same as getting pulled over. So, he claimed his DUI was bogus because he wasn't actually driving the car AT THE TIME--he didn't consider the fact that he had to be drunk driving to the convenience store, but whatever.

He lost his license for a year, and he's still paying insurance surcharges. And he's still driving drunk

It's much easier recognizing and accepting my own bottom then it is to sit around waiting for theirs..
Love that quote, atalose! True!
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