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Old 01-24-2011, 05:01 PM
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well..

Well first and foremost, I'm Eric, I'm 22 years old and go to college and am in my own place. Long story short my mom finally got over her bf of years that beat her (she drank alot there too) so now she lives with me. I'm noticing ALOT of problems. First she finds pints of vodka in her purse. She will drink my alcohol in the house, wont tell me unless I call her out on it which I have had to do. She goes to my dads house every week, for a few days, and ALWAYS comes back drunk. I dont what to do, it kills me that this is happening (recently she had a seizure and the dr. said in front of all of us that it was because of alcohol and she could have died) I really thought that would've hit her but no. I can tell when she drinks and I immediately get annoyed when I see her tipsy. Any advice how to deal with her? I just want my mom back..
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Old 01-24-2011, 05:05 PM
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does she know she has a problem? Ir is it just something that she does?
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Old 01-24-2011, 05:14 PM
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We've brought it up to her and shes in denial.
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:28 PM
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You have her already as she is...

I'm glad you found this site my friend. Your mom's story is tragic, but it does not change the FACT that she is an alcoholic. There is no question of it. You know this. Accept it. There is, however, recovery for her if she chooses to go and get it via a treatment center, AA, or both.

I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you, but you can't stop her from drinking. It is, literally, impossible to stop an alcohlic from drinking permanently. Berate and lecture her all you want, but you are wasting your time and breath. She'll say and promise anything as long as you will provide her a place to drink and be drunk, just like you are doing right now.

Alcoholics need help to continue drinking. They need money, a place to live, people who will clean up after then and cover for them, and people who will put up with it. Even better is somebody who will keep alcohol in the house! As long as they have those things they are money!

Only she can stop her drinking, and only if she wants to, and only if she is strong enough to work a program of recovery for what remains of her life.

Read the stickies above before you do anything else, as many of them as you can, and find yourself an Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meeting in your area. That's recovery for you, and through it you will find the experience, strength, and hope to make the decisions you need to make, whatever those decisions turn out to be.

God bless her, for as long as she lives with you, an alcoholic will be living with you. And, as far as I'm concerned, that's a pretty tough road when you are in college and trying to build a future for yourself.

Sorry my friend, and good luck as you travel the road of addiction and or/recovery with the rest of us (for me it's my wife, rather than my mother).

Cyranoak


Originally Posted by foool View Post
Well first and foremost, I'm Eric, I'm 22 years old and go to college and am in my own place. Long story short my mom finally got over her bf of years that beat her (she drank alot there too) so now she lives with me. I'm noticing ALOT of problems. First she finds pints of vodka in her purse. She will drink my alcohol in the house, wont tell me unless I call her out on it which I have had to do. She goes to my dads house every week, for a few days, and ALWAYS comes back drunk. I dont what to do, it kills me that this is happening (recently she had a seizure and the dr. said in front of all of us that it was because of alcohol and she could have died) I really thought that would've hit her but no. I can tell when she drinks and I immediately get annoyed when I see her tipsy. Any advice how to deal with her? I just want my mom back..
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:13 AM
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Eric, my heart is breaking for you, my son turns 22 next week, is also in college, and a great kid. My husband, (his step-dad) is an alcoholic. Can't tell you how many nights he has disrupted the peace in my home at night when the rest of were trying to get a good nights sleep. Please don't let her interfere with you getting a college education. I know, easier said than done. Please keep coming back to SR, everyone here understands what you are going through.
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Old 01-25-2011, 02:53 PM
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Thanks you guys, yeah I just wanted to some somewhere where people understand and to vent. I'm not letting her interfere with school, it kind of motivates me more to become successful. Thanks everyone for the kind words!
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Old 01-25-2011, 04:00 PM
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Yeah Eric! Stay motivated!
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:42 PM
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i would urge you to go to alanon..i was crazy and hopeless when i got there..really helped learn how to enforce my boundaries...very hard to live with an active alcoholic and she sounds pretty progressed...the best thing about the program is that the focus is onyou..not your mom..
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:56 PM
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Hi Eric

(it looked silly to say 'hi Foool' for a first greeting post)

welcome.
and well met.

I'm also in college
(although more than twice your age)
and there's in fact several programs and groups
sponsored by the school
for adult children of alcoholics. (ACOA)

I think checking it out in your school
would be a way for you to get
F2F support as well.

I'm glad you found us.

Now you're not alone.

Oh!
I have one advice for you
just to keep in mind.
I am also an alcoholic
(we call that 'twice blessed' around here)

and near the end of my 'career'
I also had siezures.

That's a major indicator
that even if your mother does decide to quit
(which she probably won't until something radical happens)
she could die
from going cold turkey
without a doctor's supervision.

Seizures definitely indicate
heavy duty bodily addiction.
Been there did that bought the t shirt.

SO please keep that in mind
your situation sounds as if
it's going to take a third party's supervision
(health care professional type)
no matter what you decide to do.

SO again - welcome and I"m glad you've found SR!
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Old 01-25-2011, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
(it looked silly to say 'hi Foool' for a first greeting post)
This cracked me up, Barb. My first thought was "I sure feel like some of us have earned that greeting sometimes" LOL!!!"
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
Hi Eric

(it looked silly to say 'hi Foool' for a first greeting post)
This cracked me up too - though I 'heard' it in a MrT voice!!
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