Tell me what you do...
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Tell me what you do...
... those days that are absolutely overwhelming. The days when you wake up and the heaviness of all you have to deal with just makes the tears flow and you really just want to go back to bed, pull the covers over your head, and sleep until everything's OK again...
What do you do to take care of yourself in those dark moments? What helps you find strength and hope? What helps you find a little bit of sunshine?
I'm having one of those days today, and I thought we could probably all use some ideas.
I usually start with talking myself down. I remind myself that this is just a feeling. It doesn't mean I have to act in any particular way. I remind myself that I haven't always felt this way, and I will not always feel this way. But that right now, I'm feeling like utter horsemanure, and that's OK. I allow myself to feel awful. I try to think of it as having a cold -- no matter how much your nose is running and your head is pounding, you know it's not going to last forever. Even if it's awful right now.
And then I make coffee.
That's as far as I've gotten today.
What do you do to take care of yourself in those dark moments? What helps you find strength and hope? What helps you find a little bit of sunshine?
I'm having one of those days today, and I thought we could probably all use some ideas.
I usually start with talking myself down. I remind myself that this is just a feeling. It doesn't mean I have to act in any particular way. I remind myself that I haven't always felt this way, and I will not always feel this way. But that right now, I'm feeling like utter horsemanure, and that's OK. I allow myself to feel awful. I try to think of it as having a cold -- no matter how much your nose is running and your head is pounding, you know it's not going to last forever. Even if it's awful right now.
And then I make coffee.
That's as far as I've gotten today.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
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The healthy thing to do is to go do some physical exercise, which I NEVER do.
Try to remember it is just for today, not forever, that this too shall pass.
And I agree with Fighter, focus on the positive, count your blessings (really, count or list them). Express thanks to your Higher Power for all the good things in your life. Sometimes I can't think of anything so I start with the basics like: the ability to breathe, to walk, to talk, to feed and bathe myself, to drive and go to work, etc.
I get quiet and really listen to myself and try to figure out what it is I need at that moment. Could be a bubble bath. Could be silence. Could be to socialize. Could be to get back into bed and STAY there.
Hope you are feeling better SOON Lillamy. Remember, the last week in January is VERY difficult for many people because of the weather, etc, so be good to yourself this week.
Try to remember it is just for today, not forever, that this too shall pass.
And I agree with Fighter, focus on the positive, count your blessings (really, count or list them). Express thanks to your Higher Power for all the good things in your life. Sometimes I can't think of anything so I start with the basics like: the ability to breathe, to walk, to talk, to feed and bathe myself, to drive and go to work, etc.
I get quiet and really listen to myself and try to figure out what it is I need at that moment. Could be a bubble bath. Could be silence. Could be to socialize. Could be to get back into bed and STAY there.
Hope you are feeling better SOON Lillamy. Remember, the last week in January is VERY difficult for many people because of the weather, etc, so be good to yourself this week.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Sweet Virginia
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I am sorry you are having one of those days! I agree - think about the blessings in your life - you are home with a few of them right now! I don't know how old your children are, but I would get them all in my bed with me and watch a "feel good" kids movie. I miss that.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
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coffee and go back to bed. Win-win.
And then I remember that I don't have to make all my plans and solve all my problems this very minute. That I can take my time and only deal with the issues that require it right at the time.
And then I remember that I don't have to make all my plans and solve all my problems this very minute. That I can take my time and only deal with the issues that require it right at the time.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Brick, NJ
Posts: 52
lillamy, I am sorry, I am having the same kind of day. I am sitting here paralyzed with fear anger and depression. When my kids get home later, I will have to appear "somewhat normal" for their sake. I don't have any useful advice for you right now. God, I wish I did.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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When I was going through leaving my husband I was seriously overwhelmed with the move, the divorce, the emotions, everything. Sometimes it was crushing but I was able to keep going by first taking a minute to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then just focusing on the next small thing I needed to do and not dwell on the enormity of everything I needed to do.
I'm very thankful for the thread though because I'm having a harder time now. I'm not going anywhere or working towards any 'light at the end of the tunnel'. I'm living life and sometimes it feels like I'm to tired, that there is just not enough of me to get through the day or get things done. But not getting through the day isn't really an option so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other - which gets me through the day but I can feel depression edging in and it affects my mood and the entire atmosphere of my house. Not good. I count my blessings and then feel bad that I have so much and still feel this way.
I agree with L2L too - winters are horrid. Not enough sun, not enough daylight, not enough outdoor time for anyone, etc.
I'm very thankful for the thread though because I'm having a harder time now. I'm not going anywhere or working towards any 'light at the end of the tunnel'. I'm living life and sometimes it feels like I'm to tired, that there is just not enough of me to get through the day or get things done. But not getting through the day isn't really an option so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other - which gets me through the day but I can feel depression edging in and it affects my mood and the entire atmosphere of my house. Not good. I count my blessings and then feel bad that I have so much and still feel this way.
I agree with L2L too - winters are horrid. Not enough sun, not enough daylight, not enough outdoor time for anyone, etc.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
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Good day or blue day, I always get up and make myself tea. In the winter months I crawl back under the covers and enjoy my tea. Takes me about 20 minutes to wake up.
The only thing I've ever found to jolt me out of the doldrums is to "DO" something. So, I usually go out to my garden. Even in the winter there's something to do like turning the compost pile, raking leaves, mulching. Now there's Kale, bok choy, Swiss chard and spinach to harvest.
Getting together a laundry load, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming or whatever else needs doing works to. Exercise is best. A brisk walk does it for me.
I also do a little decorative sewing and paper filigree. When I'm working on a sewing or quilling (paper filigree)project, my mind is fully engaged. I forget the blues.
And, I'm fortunate to have a couple of friends to go have lunch or see a movie with. That doesn't necessarily mean going out to eat or to a theater. We often just rent a movie and raid our own refrigerators to put together an easy lunch.
My kids are grown, so I have the freedom to choose my activities without worrying about my boys. It's got to be really hard to handle the the splash from an alcoholic and make thinks right for your kids.
The only thing I know to do is send all of you a great big hug. I wish you come have lunch with me and my friends. We are all old as dirt but we are a fun bunch.
The only thing I've ever found to jolt me out of the doldrums is to "DO" something. So, I usually go out to my garden. Even in the winter there's something to do like turning the compost pile, raking leaves, mulching. Now there's Kale, bok choy, Swiss chard and spinach to harvest.
Getting together a laundry load, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming or whatever else needs doing works to. Exercise is best. A brisk walk does it for me.
I also do a little decorative sewing and paper filigree. When I'm working on a sewing or quilling (paper filigree)project, my mind is fully engaged. I forget the blues.
And, I'm fortunate to have a couple of friends to go have lunch or see a movie with. That doesn't necessarily mean going out to eat or to a theater. We often just rent a movie and raid our own refrigerators to put together an easy lunch.
My kids are grown, so I have the freedom to choose my activities without worrying about my boys. It's got to be really hard to handle the the splash from an alcoholic and make thinks right for your kids.
The only thing I know to do is send all of you a great big hug. I wish you come have lunch with me and my friends. We are all old as dirt but we are a fun bunch.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
When I get in moods like this, it is usually from remembering XABF's accusations about how I only care about myself, I don't worry about him, I can't do anything right, ad nauseum.
So I try to find someone appreciative who could use my help for something. Either it's something they can't do themselves, or it would take them forever by themselves but with my help it will be easy. It's never something huge. Many times I just take the trash out for the lady across the hall (she is over 90 years old and has a hard time walking, much less walking while carrying something - she just got out of the hospital again). She appreciates how I helped, and I'm reminded that I do lots of tiny things for people and they respond more positively for each one than XABF ever did for the sum of the giant things.
It helps me realign reality, and it makes someone else's day - win-win in my book.
So I try to find someone appreciative who could use my help for something. Either it's something they can't do themselves, or it would take them forever by themselves but with my help it will be easy. It's never something huge. Many times I just take the trash out for the lady across the hall (she is over 90 years old and has a hard time walking, much less walking while carrying something - she just got out of the hospital again). She appreciates how I helped, and I'm reminded that I do lots of tiny things for people and they respond more positively for each one than XABF ever did for the sum of the giant things.
It helps me realign reality, and it makes someone else's day - win-win in my book.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
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Originally Posted by Thumper 
Sometimes it was crushing but I was able to keep going by first taking a minute to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then just focusing on the next small thing I needed to do and not dwell on the enormity of everything I needed to do.
And ditto on the weather. I am craving a little sunlight.
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You know what else really helps me?
Coming here.
It's like an Al-Anon meeting (except a little more free-form) in that I feel understood here. And I see all of y'all slugging through one day at a time (and sometimes, ten minutes at a time) and able to laugh and stop and smell the roses in the midst of it.
I didn't post much -- but I read lots -- while I was still married to an A. And it was so refreshing to come here then and see that there were others like me, that I wasn't the only one living in this nightmareworld. So thank you all for that. And for continuing to be there and tell hard truths and give excellent hugs.
Coming here.
It's like an Al-Anon meeting (except a little more free-form) in that I feel understood here. And I see all of y'all slugging through one day at a time (and sometimes, ten minutes at a time) and able to laugh and stop and smell the roses in the midst of it.
I didn't post much -- but I read lots -- while I was still married to an A. And it was so refreshing to come here then and see that there were others like me, that I wasn't the only one living in this nightmareworld. So thank you all for that. And for continuing to be there and tell hard truths and give excellent hugs.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
I try and find one small tiny external thing that lifts and centres me first: for me this is nearly always in nature, if I can find a tree, through a window, and just look at the way the light falls through the branches, or how the leaves make patterns, or see how the petals attach to the stem of a flower even for a few seconds then I relax and exhale. the best thing for me is the play of natural light on something organic.
I need the total visual absorption in that just for a few seconds, and that (for me) lifts and relaxes me enough to do all those gratitude lists, one step in front of the other things: without this (for me) those things are another bloody mind-battle.
My favorite view is going accross the severn bridge, the light is amazing, the sky apart from the bridge stretches all around and below you, the colours and the feeling of calm I get from that is unbelievable. If I can't find a natural source of light or see the night sky or the moon I try and think of that for 30 secs: these are my "happy place" images, that just bring me down enough to be able to do the rest of the things people mention above.
I need the total visual absorption in that just for a few seconds, and that (for me) lifts and relaxes me enough to do all those gratitude lists, one step in front of the other things: without this (for me) those things are another bloody mind-battle.
My favorite view is going accross the severn bridge, the light is amazing, the sky apart from the bridge stretches all around and below you, the colours and the feeling of calm I get from that is unbelievable. If I can't find a natural source of light or see the night sky or the moon I try and think of that for 30 secs: these are my "happy place" images, that just bring me down enough to be able to do the rest of the things people mention above.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do.
I'm similar because I set short goals like getting some coffee. Getting up. Getting showered etc.
My big relief comes when I get to this site and start checking in with other people.
In the end, I believe it's all about how you react to what you're dealing with. Slowing down and working through each emotion or problem versus simply reacting blindly is a good thing to do.
I'm similar because I set short goals like getting some coffee. Getting up. Getting showered etc.
My big relief comes when I get to this site and start checking in with other people.
In the end, I believe it's all about how you react to what you're dealing with. Slowing down and working through each emotion or problem versus simply reacting blindly is a good thing to do.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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Getting my body moving has ALWAYS been a mood enhancer for me...doing some basic yoga, stretching, going for a walk, putting on some tunes and grooving...Getting some endorphins pumping through my body makes my mood better.
When my depression was REALLY bad and I was isolated from people, I had a "check in list", with the names of certain people I HAD to call daily to check in. The call could be real short, but it helped to have contact with the outside world.
Lists: I'm a list-maker. Lists help me settle my brain and act as reminders since I tend to forget stuff a lot. I'd write lists of the good things in my life. Lists of things I wanted to do, or dreamt of doing. To Do lists...and then I'd get a lot of satisfaction ticking items off the list.
And finally, caring for myself. If I felt really down and depressed, I made sure I took care of myself. If I planned on staying in bed, I'd venture out to rent a movie, bring home something yummy to eat, have myself a nice hot shower, and settle in bed to rest. It's not always possible to do this, but when it is, it's like giving yourself a nice gift.
When my depression was REALLY bad and I was isolated from people, I had a "check in list", with the names of certain people I HAD to call daily to check in. The call could be real short, but it helped to have contact with the outside world.
Lists: I'm a list-maker. Lists help me settle my brain and act as reminders since I tend to forget stuff a lot. I'd write lists of the good things in my life. Lists of things I wanted to do, or dreamt of doing. To Do lists...and then I'd get a lot of satisfaction ticking items off the list.
And finally, caring for myself. If I felt really down and depressed, I made sure I took care of myself. If I planned on staying in bed, I'd venture out to rent a movie, bring home something yummy to eat, have myself a nice hot shower, and settle in bed to rest. It's not always possible to do this, but when it is, it's like giving yourself a nice gift.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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I left my RA 6 months ago and days like this were MANY for the first few months.
In my pain, I still got up, went out with friends, worked out 4 days a week, studied and just took care of me even in all the pain and tears.
It's really hard to function when you're in pain, but try to even push yourself a few hours a day.
What motivated me was knowing my ex just went on with his life without any pain. Helped me to move on faster.
In my pain, I still got up, went out with friends, worked out 4 days a week, studied and just took care of me even in all the pain and tears.
It's really hard to function when you're in pain, but try to even push yourself a few hours a day.
What motivated me was knowing my ex just went on with his life without any pain. Helped me to move on faster.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
nodaybut2day makes a great point.
Get those endorphins pumping.
My therapist was telling me to make lists and find simple projects that I can complete every day because it's been proven that achieving a goal actually releases those feel good chemicals.
I cheat by making brushing my teeth a goal sometimes. I know I'll accomplish it and I always feel better.
Making an overly easy list of things to do = Good?
I'll term it as being pessimistically optimistic
Get those endorphins pumping.
My therapist was telling me to make lists and find simple projects that I can complete every day because it's been proven that achieving a goal actually releases those feel good chemicals.
I cheat by making brushing my teeth a goal sometimes. I know I'll accomplish it and I always feel better.
Making an overly easy list of things to do = Good?
I'll term it as being pessimistically optimistic
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Summerpeach, we're on about the same timeline here. I knew this was going to hit at some point, but my first 6 months out of the marriage have been very focused on logistics and I've been compartmentalizing the he!! out of everything and deliberately stashed my emotions because there just wasn't room for them.
As always, that does tend to come back and bite you.
Oh yes, yes, yes. I'm really working hard on hogtying my first reaction. Because the first reaction is still codie-to-the-rescue. So some deep breaths are always good.
I heard a story at a women's conference years ago about a woman who was severely depressed and wanted to Do Something Big For God. So, she said, she was praying, and telling God she wanted to serve him and be an important part of his plan. She said, "I sat there and waited for God's booming voice to come down from heaven and declare, 'Go. To. China.' or something. And when he finally spoke, it was with a small gentle voice that said: Make the bed. Do the dishes. Take a shower."
You guys reminded me of that story. Of how when you start with the little things, you build yourself up to the point where you can handle the bigger things.
As always, that does tend to come back and bite you.
Slowing down and working through each emotion or problem versus simply reacting blindly is a good thing to do.
I heard a story at a women's conference years ago about a woman who was severely depressed and wanted to Do Something Big For God. So, she said, she was praying, and telling God she wanted to serve him and be an important part of his plan. She said, "I sat there and waited for God's booming voice to come down from heaven and declare, 'Go. To. China.' or something. And when he finally spoke, it was with a small gentle voice that said: Make the bed. Do the dishes. Take a shower."
You guys reminded me of that story. Of how when you start with the little things, you build yourself up to the point where you can handle the bigger things.
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