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Help PLEASE

Old 01-23-2011, 09:40 AM
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Help PLEASE

I am in a relationship with a woman that has been in recovery for 12 year. She was in a previous relationship that was to say the least un healthy with sexual behavior and emotional abuse and he always wondered what it would be like to use together so they relapsed together. he is still in the program but uses prescription drugs now. She always tells me that she knows its not what she wants and know its not healthy and wants to leave it behind and move on. She recently had a breast augmentation and had to take pain pills. She didnít try and abuse them or even want them. Now that its over and she is getting better she has feelings for her ex and thoughts of being with him and her emotions and mind are running wild. I donít know if she is or isnít with him. I am very supportive of a. a. and the recovery process and would do anything to help. She tells me that she needs to find her higher power and find her inner peace and deal with the left over feelings for her ex. But Iím afraid that she will go back into a situation that put her in so much pain and danger. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 01-23-2011, 09:54 AM
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Hi Tradiola...welcome to SR, but sorry you HAD to be here, if you understand my meaning.

Wow...addiction is so hard to understand, especially if it's your first go-round with it. But if you hang around here for awhile, read a bunch of posts and ask as many questions as you like, you will soon understand much more than you do now.

I'm sorry to tell you that there is basically nothing you can do for your girlfriend if she is in the midst of a relapse. It also sounds like there may be some romantic complications as well. I know this sounds almost impossible, but your best recourse is to step back....WAY back....and say goodbye. Losing you if she picks up again is perhaps the one thing that might snap her back to reality. If there are no significant consequences the chances are that she will continue to use...and the lies will begin. It's utter chaos.

Like I said, read all you can here and ask questions. We are here to support YOU through this dreadful situation. I'm sorry...I know this isn't what you wanted to hear.
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Old 01-23-2011, 10:04 AM
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Hi -- I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave for you, but I don't. But I wanted you to know that someone is here, and listening, and there'll be plenty more people around later...
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Old 01-23-2011, 10:08 AM
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Hi tradiola,

Hope you can check out the "Stickies" on the top of the forum. Lots of useful info there.

Its sad to hear about her struggles but ultimately they are her struggles. No one but herself can get her healthy. Let her solve her issues and put the focus back to your life. I know that's easier said than done. I had an ex that is alcoholic and its difficult to watch someone self destruct. I have been able to find peace about handing him to God/Higher power and talking with people that get me and value me (good friends, family, SR, therapist).

Book recommendation : "Codependent no more" by Melody Beatty. Hope you can get yourself a copy. Keep reading/posting here, this place is a lifeline. Also remember the 3 Cīs

You cannot control her
You cannot cure her
You didn't cause this


Hugs and welcome!!
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Old 01-23-2011, 10:46 AM
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[QUOTE]Its sad to hear about her struggles but ultimately they are her struggles. No one but herself can get her healthy. Let her solve her issues and put the focus back to your life. I know that's easier said than done. I had an ex that is alcoholic and its difficult to watch someone self destruct. I have been able to find peace about handing him to God/Higher power and talking with people that get me and value me (good friends, family, SR, therapist).[QUOTE]

I agree - also might find information at an al-anon meeting (even though the focus is on alcoholism; it applies across the spectrum). But the lessons to learn are detachment and finding yourself and what YOU want.

So sorry to read your story but you have found a good forum here. It's been a blessing for me!
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Old 01-23-2011, 11:17 AM
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welcome!
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