very new thought
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
LA Lady,
Knowing what you want in your life is in no way controlling him. That is about taking care of you and it sounds like you are doing a fine job.
You are separated now? What a good time to give some thought to what are the non-negotiables. My husband is an alcoholic but all those basics are being met and then some. Sure there are times when he checks out and I wish he didn't but I catch him the next day.
Are there any perfect relationships? We have been married over 20 years...there is good and bad. But for me there is a bottom line.
I have one failed marriage and that was all due to the same bottom line I hold today...lack of honesty, faithfulness and participation. Controlling? No way! He can do whatever he wants.
Hugs,
JT
Knowing what you want in your life is in no way controlling him. That is about taking care of you and it sounds like you are doing a fine job.
You are separated now? What a good time to give some thought to what are the non-negotiables. My husband is an alcoholic but all those basics are being met and then some. Sure there are times when he checks out and I wish he didn't but I catch him the next day.
Are there any perfect relationships? We have been married over 20 years...there is good and bad. But for me there is a bottom line.
I have one failed marriage and that was all due to the same bottom line I hold today...lack of honesty, faithfulness and participation. Controlling? No way! He can do whatever he wants.
Hugs,
JT
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 14
I am separated now, he just got out of recovery (60 days) and since he has been out (7 days) has not gone to any meetings.
He just wants to move back in and because I said yes, I want us to take time to work on our relationship to get back together, he says I am controlling and telling him what to do, that I want everything in my timeframe. My gut feeling is, yes, I do but the emotional side says, but I want you back just not until I see you helping/doing for yourself! This is a sure way for me to drive myself nutz!
He just wants to move back in and because I said yes, I want us to take time to work on our relationship to get back together, he says I am controlling and telling him what to do, that I want everything in my timeframe. My gut feeling is, yes, I do but the emotional side says, but I want you back just not until I see you helping/doing for yourself! This is a sure way for me to drive myself nutz!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
So how about giving yourself a time frame and then you can put it to rest for a while. Tell him what it is and do your best to be prepared for a decision when that time is up.
I do not think you are being controlling at all...you are watching out for yourself based on things that have happened in the past. I would be careful of counting meetings however...instead pay attention to his behavior.
Hugs,
JT
I do not think you are being controlling at all...you are watching out for yourself based on things that have happened in the past. I would be careful of counting meetings however...instead pay attention to his behavior.
Hugs,
JT
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