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moving forward...finally (I think)

Old 01-22-2011, 04:46 PM
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moving forward...finally (I think)

So my seperated AH has finally after almost a year of being seperated and living with friends, getting his own place. I am feeling a little sad, and scared, like a sense of the end of something....but I truly believe this is what must happen and what needs to happen for him to get better, and for my children and I to live happy. Just the other day as we were talking before he had decided to get his own place, I felt he was searching for me to say not to do it....he lost it. He has told me oh so many times he has changed, and yet of course a conversation turned wrong led him to scream and cuss and drive erratically with me in the car again.....He is SO cruel when he's mad. I think my biggest problem is that i need to remember that people who are abusive don't just chnage....they can hide it, and not being around him much...sometimes I forget how bad it is when he's mad. Anyway, as I was saying it is more a sense of an end and a little sadness....but I feel somewhat relieved, and like life is headed in a better direction!
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Old 01-22-2011, 05:00 PM
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It's funny, but I felt the same way when I saw my ex-es move on. Bittersweet, almost the way you feel when your kids go off to school or something.

Big change, but one that's for the best. What I liked is that the more independence they had, the less I felt "responsible" for them.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:44 PM
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I posted this on the wrong dang thread -

THIS... is where I meant to put 'Bittersweet"! dang!

http://www.encyclopedia.com/video/Np...-monsters.aspx

I think Todd is the sexiest voice out there...

heh.
I bet those others are thinking 'wtf Barb?" lmao
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
heh.
I bet those others are thinking 'wtf Barb?" lmao
Guilty as charged.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:21 PM
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You are right FM, abusive people do not change.

He has to first acknowledge truthfully to 'himself' that he is an abusive person. Secondly he would need to 'want' to change his abusive behaviour and thirdly he would need to seriously seek out the avenues to make change a possibility. And all..by..himself. Not because you or anyone else tells him so.

"He has told you oh so many times that he has changed." That is a very easy thing to spout. Has he always believed that just saying so means so? Case in point, that is how very far he has to come before he even has a shot of any meaningful change.

I bet if a professional asked him to list 10 examples of what his abusive behaviour entailed , he would be hard pressed. I'm not sure his definition of abusive behaviour is the same as the populace.

I hope this is the beginning of you finally being able to get on with your life and any communication between the two of you is short and to the point regarding your children. End of story.
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:27 PM
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FM, I was also wondering why the title of your thread is "Moving forward finally" when you have been separated for a year. Why is his moving to his own place, from couch surfing at friends places enabling YOU to move forward "finally?"
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