This works great, axw did it to me!

I had to get a guy from up the road.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

I've kept a log of when the kids have been to his house, but not a log of behavior issues/complaints related to it. Started that this weekend, thanks to you guys.

Is anybody else just about boiling on the inside about having to send children with stomach aches and tears in their eyes to visitation/custody with a parent who's clearly not even emotionally able to care for themselves?

I was bawling after I dropped one kid off for an off-schedule visit -- and she was going to a fun event for a few hours and coming back home. She's going only because she feels responsible for her father -- he's told her that if it wasn't for her, he would kill himself. Which qualifies as emotional abuse in my state, but no judge would put a 9-year-old on the stand.

And I'm sorry, that's not really encouraging for anyone contemplating leaving -- but the thing is, even if they get emotionally abused when they are with him, at least they're only with him a fraction of the time now. And I have the bulk of the time to build them up. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

You know, this is astounding. But I am not shocked or even surprised. Why not?
Because my ex did the same thing.
Yeah, that is some of the stuff that made me insane, others involved adult stuff.
This was part of it though.
Blood boiling, hair pulling, screaming, teeth gnashing angry for sure.

I am sorry lillamy.

Beth

Keep your records.

Actually, it's common practice in many places for a judge to interview the child in chambers. The lawyers would be present but not the parents. It makes the child more comfortable not to speak "disloyally" in front of the parents.

I'd let the judge know about that, or rather, ask your lawyer to let the judge know about that. It IS abusive and very, very harmful to the child.

but no judge would put a 9-year-old on the stand.

LMC's therapist would have testified on her behalf if necessary, plus those casa people are national, I didn't know if they were just local till the other day.

Man, that's wrong on any level. If you just decided to stop her visitation, he'd have to take YOU to court, then it'd come out why you stopped? IDK. LEXIE.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

I wouldn't unilaterally stop visitation, at least not without a lawyer's advice. You'd be risking contempt of court, and depending on the judge, you could get sanctioned. Not every judge would see that the harm is so imminent you would be justified in violating the order without seeking to modify it.

I don't practice family law and couldn't give legal advice in any event. Talk to your lawyer--that's what you are paying him/her for.

If only this would work... I live in a very large town.

Coyote - thanks for showing me how to keep the log. I started it this morning. I just need to figure out how to store it online... Right now I'm using a word document, but I have lost at least four other journals full of info because of computer issues in the past. I need a better way to keep my stuff safe. I've emailed some things to myself, and copied some things to a flash drive, but I think I need something online so that it can't be found...or lost.

pix - what online site do you use for your journal?

:thanks everyone for your responses. Keep 'em coming!

I use www.blogger.com
You can set it up so that the blog is completely private, so that only your username can access.
Since blogger is owned by google, it also means you can google search from within your blog. (It is completely private and will not appear on a normal google search ever or to anyone, as long as you set your blog to be private - "Only blog authors" is the setting.)

There are others available as well, that's just what I use.