tjp613

Whatever it takes, dude.

jayscott

LOL...came home today and had to notify her that our hearing is on Thursday morning. She asked why we couldn't negotiate something, we're "both reasonable adults". Mmhmm. I said I was only comfortable with supervised visitation until she got a substantial period of sobriety behind her, which pretty much ended negotiations.

Not sure if she thinks she will persuade the court somehow for joint custody or if she really doesn't believe they would take away her rights. Fireworks coming soon!

lillamy

Hahaha... Yeah. Those lines must be stashed at the bottom of the bottles somewhere.

Good for you, man. Good luck on Thursday.

cb12

Hah. I love it!

jayscott

Also LOL: the rational side of my brain is arguing, "if I just got divorce papers because of my drinking and I might lose my son because of my drinking, I am driving to Betty Ford TONIGHT." Still can't help but try to project my unmet wishes into her brain.

tjp613

Isn't that the truth!! I mean how long does it take to figure THAT out??? Cunning & baffling disease, as they say. On the other hand, there may be a wee part of her brain that's thinking, "Good. Now I can drink all I want without anyone hassling me."

Just curious...What does your lawyer say about providing some kind of "proof" that she's not a responsible caregiver? I mean, is it just going to be your word that's good enough or what?

Jazzman

How about this? Legally separate, she moves out, you decide in one years time if you wish to file for divorce?

Shellcrusher

jayscott has a video recording of an incident correct? I'm wondering how much weight that stuff carries.

Codie101

jayscott...I am not sure what state you live in, but I have had professional legal experience with family law in Massachusetts and Virginia. If there is a history of abuse on her part both against you and with alcohol/drugs, you can petition the court for temporary physical custody and request supervised visitation. In Massachusetts, you can request a psych eval/drug test as well. I am not sure what the "standard of proof" is but it may be worth a try. I am sure your attorney has told you what your options are. I hope your hearing goes well on Thursday!!! Hang in there! I was in a custody battle for 2 years - it is not an easy road.

lillamy

Different states have different laws on this -- but that might be a real live option, if you want to keep the door sort of kind of not completely shut.

jayscott

The California divorce process doesn't move forward unless the petitioner moves it forward, so technically if I don't do anything we would sit here in limbo 'till death do us part. My lawyer doesn't seem very concerned about proving my case enough for a temporary custody order; there's a domestic violence call from last week where the cops saw how drunk she was, a detox trip last fall from an involuntary psych hold, a CPS report on file, and a 1-year drinking log I have in a Word doc. Proving anything for a permanent custody order would probably require getting subpeonas for hospital records and stuff, but I'm not gonna worry about that today.

If it REALLY came to it, I have both her mom and mine who have witnessed a binge.

Codie101

Depending on the rules of evidence and if the video can be authenticated then he may be able to use the video of her acting crazy.

Codie101

Oops jayscott, didn't see your post until after I posted mine about evidence. I don't care what state you live in...you have MORE than enough for a temp custody order.

lillamy

Well yes. That should do it. Was she drinking while pregnant? Because that might be huge in a custody case.

jayscott

Not that I can confirm. The first ultrasound suggested that it might not have been a successful pregnancy and so she continued to drink for about a week until the next ultrasound when a heartbeat could be detected, and then she quit completely.

There was one incident when I was out of town and my "lie-dar" went off when we were on the phone, but that's not very useful in court...

jayscott

Oh lordy...she's trying to rent an apartment but has no job, so they need me to sign as a guarantor and to provide verification of income.

suki44883

Bad idea. VERY bad idea.

jayscott

So how does one do this? She doesn't have a job, so she has no verifiable income, so she can't rent a place. I guess if she gets a support order then that becomes verifiable income...

suki44883

If you win custody of your child, she won't be getting support. Sounds like she needs to get a job or move in with family or something. Not really your problem.

pixilation

Then she needs to get a JOB! It's not your problem. Her parents can sign as guarantor of an apartment, she can live in a homeless shelter, go to rehab, etc, but where she goes isn't your concern.