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"Do you miss me?"

Old 01-21-2011, 08:02 AM
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"Do you miss me?"

Was the question of the week.

AH asked me "Do you miss me?" One question seems simple enough, right? Well it wasn't/ isn't. I didn't respond. I don't know how to respond anymore. I didn't want to say "No" and hurt his feelings. I didn't want to say "Yes" and give him false hope either, so I ignored the question.

Then I get another question "Is there some reason you didn't answer my question?" I replied back "When you ask those questions, it makes me feel crazy...like you think I SHOULD feel some way (or else you wouldn't bring it up). I don't want to feel crazy."

He replied back "Then don't"

In my mind, If I missed him....I would have told him I missed him. I don't need or want him to ask me if I miss him. It aggravates me to no end.

I don't even know if I have a point in discussing this topic. AH is in rehab and about to be released soon. I'm already dreading it. I feel pressured. I keep repeating to him "Don't pressure me" when he brings up staying together. He makes little comments such as "a family needs to stay together" while talking.

However, the above questions followed a previous message-from earlier in the week -that said "I can't wait to get out of here so I can have a drink". He apparently was having disagreements with other people at the facility and in a bad mood. I believe he is serious though maybe he was being sarcastic.
I guess I'll find out soon enough!
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:08 AM
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He's coming out of rehab and going straight home? What about going to a sober living facility?

To me: rehab to home without support = relapse.

It seems like you need time *away* from him, from his comments and manipulative suggestions, to figure out what YOU want. Is there anywhere else he could go when he comes out of rehab? You sound like you've got enough on your plate without having to deal with the impending relapse.

And NO, families don't *have* to stay together, especially when they've been damaged by someone's addiction. Sometimes, it's best for families to part ways, for the health and safety of most of its members.
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:22 AM
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The loaded question - For a long time, I didn't answer that question, and the question was repeated often. Now, every once in a while the answer is "Yes", but most of the time, it is "No" and the question is asked less often.
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Old 01-21-2011, 08:41 AM
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We've been apart for some time now. AH is here occasionally. It's just all the little snide remarks and comments he makes while around- even if it's just for a day or two.

For instance: One day, I was on my phone and he says "who are you texting? your boyfriend?" I was not texting and I don't have a boyfriend.


Or if he doesn't think there is enough food in the house "Looks like its time for me to take over the finances". I took that as an insult.


I literally feel my blood pressure rising, infuriates me....
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Old 01-21-2011, 09:17 AM
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I had a similar conversation with XAH. All I was able to say after he kept pushing me was that I didn't miss HIM as much as I missed who I thought he was. When you spend some time away from them, it gets so much easier to separate the two, doesn't it?
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Old 01-21-2011, 09:27 AM
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He senses you slipping away and he's scared sh!tless. Too bad.

If you answer him honestly, he'll learn NOT to ask questions he won't like the answers to.

It's hard, but alcoholics can be trained how to treat us.

Thanks and God bless us all,
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:04 AM
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That sounds exactly like what alcoholics do. They love tossing things into your court so they have a reason to snap back, be upset, point the finger away from themselves, cast blame on you and basically not take responsibility for themselves.

I for one think the world is full of too much sugar coating. If I don't miss you, I don't. If I do, I do. Either way you cut it, if asked the same question, I'll give you a straight up answer.

My AW has spent plenty of time doing and saying mean things to me while hiding behind a bottle. Now, the last thing I want to do, is hide behind my concern for her interpretation of my simple answer.

No.
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:41 AM
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How's this: "No, I don't miss the chaos that my life was when we lived together. I very much enjoy the sense of serenity I have now."
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by tjp613 View Post
How's this: "No, I don't miss the chaos that my life was when we lived together. I very much enjoy the sense of serenity I have now."
I might be saying that to myself but No.

Too much for them to chew on and plan further manipulations with.
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:29 AM
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I dunno, maybe I'm cruel and in a bad mood, but when I read the title of your post: "Do you miss me?", my immediate response was.. "No".

Honestly Forge, you don't need this crap in your life. He can take his snide and underhanded comments elsewhere. Listen to your gut when it says "no way, I don't want him to come home!".

Is there somewhere else he can go after rehab?
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Old 01-21-2011, 12:04 PM
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"I miss who I imagined you were going to turn out to be"
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