"Do you miss me?"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 16
"Do you miss me?"
Was the question of the week.
AH asked me "Do you miss me?" One question seems simple enough, right? Well it wasn't/ isn't. I didn't respond. I don't know how to respond anymore. I didn't want to say "No" and hurt his feelings. I didn't want to say "Yes" and give him false hope either, so I ignored the question.
Then I get another question "Is there some reason you didn't answer my question?" I replied back "When you ask those questions, it makes me feel crazy...like you think I SHOULD feel some way (or else you wouldn't bring it up). I don't want to feel crazy."
He replied back "Then don't"
In my mind, If I missed him....I would have told him I missed him. I don't need or want him to ask me if I miss him. It aggravates me to no end.
I don't even know if I have a point in discussing this topic. AH is in rehab and about to be released soon. I'm already dreading it. I feel pressured. I keep repeating to him "Don't pressure me" when he brings up staying together. He makes little comments such as "a family needs to stay together" while talking.
However, the above questions followed a previous message-from earlier in the week -that said "I can't wait to get out of here so I can have a drink". He apparently was having disagreements with other people at the facility and in a bad mood. I believe he is serious though maybe he was being sarcastic.
I guess I'll find out soon enough!
AH asked me "Do you miss me?" One question seems simple enough, right? Well it wasn't/ isn't. I didn't respond. I don't know how to respond anymore. I didn't want to say "No" and hurt his feelings. I didn't want to say "Yes" and give him false hope either, so I ignored the question.
Then I get another question "Is there some reason you didn't answer my question?" I replied back "When you ask those questions, it makes me feel crazy...like you think I SHOULD feel some way (or else you wouldn't bring it up). I don't want to feel crazy."
He replied back "Then don't"
In my mind, If I missed him....I would have told him I missed him. I don't need or want him to ask me if I miss him. It aggravates me to no end.
I don't even know if I have a point in discussing this topic. AH is in rehab and about to be released soon. I'm already dreading it. I feel pressured. I keep repeating to him "Don't pressure me" when he brings up staying together. He makes little comments such as "a family needs to stay together" while talking.
However, the above questions followed a previous message-from earlier in the week -that said "I can't wait to get out of here so I can have a drink". He apparently was having disagreements with other people at the facility and in a bad mood. I believe he is serious though maybe he was being sarcastic.
I guess I'll find out soon enough!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
He's coming out of rehab and going straight home? What about going to a sober living facility?
To me: rehab to home without support = relapse.
It seems like you need time *away* from him, from his comments and manipulative suggestions, to figure out what YOU want. Is there anywhere else he could go when he comes out of rehab? You sound like you've got enough on your plate without having to deal with the impending relapse.
And NO, families don't *have* to stay together, especially when they've been damaged by someone's addiction. Sometimes, it's best for families to part ways, for the health and safety of most of its members.
To me: rehab to home without support = relapse.
It seems like you need time *away* from him, from his comments and manipulative suggestions, to figure out what YOU want. Is there anywhere else he could go when he comes out of rehab? You sound like you've got enough on your plate without having to deal with the impending relapse.
And NO, families don't *have* to stay together, especially when they've been damaged by someone's addiction. Sometimes, it's best for families to part ways, for the health and safety of most of its members.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Palatine IL
Posts: 57
The loaded question - For a long time, I didn't answer that question, and the question was repeated often. Now, every once in a while the answer is "Yes", but most of the time, it is "No" and the question is asked less often.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 16
We've been apart for some time now. AH is here occasionally. It's just all the little snide remarks and comments he makes while around- even if it's just for a day or two.
For instance: One day, I was on my phone and he says "who are you texting? your boyfriend?" I was not texting and I don't have a boyfriend.
Or if he doesn't think there is enough food in the house "Looks like its time for me to take over the finances". I took that as an insult.
I literally feel my blood pressure rising, infuriates me....
For instance: One day, I was on my phone and he says "who are you texting? your boyfriend?" I was not texting and I don't have a boyfriend.
Or if he doesn't think there is enough food in the house "Looks like its time for me to take over the finances". I took that as an insult.
I literally feel my blood pressure rising, infuriates me....
Chaotically Peaceful
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
I had a similar conversation with XAH. All I was able to say after he kept pushing me was that I didn't miss HIM as much as I missed who I thought he was. When you spend some time away from them, it gets so much easier to separate the two, doesn't it?
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
He senses you slipping away and he's scared sh!tless. Too bad.
If you answer him honestly, he'll learn NOT to ask questions he won't like the answers to.
It's hard, but alcoholics can be trained how to treat us.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
If you answer him honestly, he'll learn NOT to ask questions he won't like the answers to.
It's hard, but alcoholics can be trained how to treat us.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
That sounds exactly like what alcoholics do. They love tossing things into your court so they have a reason to snap back, be upset, point the finger away from themselves, cast blame on you and basically not take responsibility for themselves.
I for one think the world is full of too much sugar coating. If I don't miss you, I don't. If I do, I do. Either way you cut it, if asked the same question, I'll give you a straight up answer.
My AW has spent plenty of time doing and saying mean things to me while hiding behind a bottle. Now, the last thing I want to do, is hide behind my concern for her interpretation of my simple answer.
No.
I for one think the world is full of too much sugar coating. If I don't miss you, I don't. If I do, I do. Either way you cut it, if asked the same question, I'll give you a straight up answer.
My AW has spent plenty of time doing and saying mean things to me while hiding behind a bottle. Now, the last thing I want to do, is hide behind my concern for her interpretation of my simple answer.
No.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by tjp613 
How's this: "No, I don't miss the chaos that my life was when we lived together. I very much enjoy the sense of serenity I have now."
Too much for them to chew on and plan further manipulations with.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I dunno, maybe I'm cruel and in a bad mood, but when I read the title of your post: "Do you miss me?", my immediate response was.. "No".
Honestly Forge, you don't need this crap in your life. He can take his snide and underhanded comments elsewhere. Listen to your gut when it says "no way, I don't want him to come home!".
Is there somewhere else he can go after rehab?
Honestly Forge, you don't need this crap in your life. He can take his snide and underhanded comments elsewhere. Listen to your gut when it says "no way, I don't want him to come home!".
Is there somewhere else he can go after rehab?
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