Hello All
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
Hello All
Hi,
It has been a while since I have posted here but have always been so grateful when I found this site @ 2006. The words of wisdom regarding this situation are so helpful. I received so much help from the posters like Jazzman, LaTaDee,Former Doormat and others. I am back again and here is my re-cap.
Hubby got DUI 2 years ago and has been trying to stay sober. I noticed a few times, in the past couple of years, a hint of some sneaking. As always, when I address it, just one. HA When have they only had just ONE!!! PUH LEASE!!
Anyways, he got totally drunk on Monday and I am really struggling on what to do. I feel like at 47 years old, I do not have it in me for another round with Mr. Alocohol and that Life is wayyy to short for BS!! So, once again, I am hoping for some great advise from my friends at SR.
Thank You All!!
It has been a while since I have posted here but have always been so grateful when I found this site @ 2006. The words of wisdom regarding this situation are so helpful. I received so much help from the posters like Jazzman, LaTaDee,Former Doormat and others. I am back again and here is my re-cap.
Hubby got DUI 2 years ago and has been trying to stay sober. I noticed a few times, in the past couple of years, a hint of some sneaking. As always, when I address it, just one. HA When have they only had just ONE!!! PUH LEASE!!
Anyways, he got totally drunk on Monday and I am really struggling on what to do. I feel like at 47 years old, I do not have it in me for another round with Mr. Alocohol and that Life is wayyy to short for BS!! So, once again, I am hoping for some great advise from my friends at SR.
Thank You All!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I'm sorry you are going through this again.
Dr. Suess has some of my favorites quotes. He says. " Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. "
What are your boundaries around living with someone (an alcoholic someone) that gets smashed on Monday night?
The answers are simple.
Accept that you live with an alcoholic and work to detach from the fall out that results.
Accept that you live with an alcoholic and that you can not live with that.
What is your answer? Then...What is next?
(I don't mean that I want you to really answer those questions in the thread. I'm just sharing my thought process.)
I made the questions extremely complicated. Factor this, factor that, try to predict this - that - and the other thing. Honor some value system that was never meant to apply to alcoholic relationships. Drowning in 'emotions' that complicated things further. Trying to use my crystal ball to determine what might be best for him, the kids, and the dog while avoiding what I needed to survive.
I found it helpful to concentrate on that quote. I had to get out of the question and start looking at the answers in order to make decisions.
Dr. Suess has some of my favorites quotes. He says. " Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. "
What are your boundaries around living with someone (an alcoholic someone) that gets smashed on Monday night?
The answers are simple.
Accept that you live with an alcoholic and work to detach from the fall out that results.
Accept that you live with an alcoholic and that you can not live with that.
What is your answer? Then...What is next?
(I don't mean that I want you to really answer those questions in the thread. I'm just sharing my thought process.)
I made the questions extremely complicated. Factor this, factor that, try to predict this - that - and the other thing. Honor some value system that was never meant to apply to alcoholic relationships. Drowning in 'emotions' that complicated things further. Trying to use my crystal ball to determine what might be best for him, the kids, and the dog while avoiding what I needed to survive.
I found it helpful to concentrate on that quote. I had to get out of the question and start looking at the answers in order to make decisions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 94
I, too, feel like I'm starting back at square one with my husband. From an earlier post I did, my husband got a DUI 3 days before our wedding day. He stayed sober from alcohol since then, 1 1/2 years later. However, I find out about 2 weeks ago that he's been abusing his prescriptions these whole 1 1/2 years that he's been without alcohol.
I have found that I really need to focus on myself. He can tell me all he wants that he's going to stop using everything and go to meetings, but it all boils down to what I'm doing for myself. When I first got into Al Anon everyone kept telling me to focus on myself and not my AH. I didn't understand that until here recently that is what I need to do to keep sane for myself. It is extremely difficult for me to focus on myself and not my AH husband, but I am finding that when I do focus on me, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
I have found that I really need to focus on myself. He can tell me all he wants that he's going to stop using everything and go to meetings, but it all boils down to what I'm doing for myself. When I first got into Al Anon everyone kept telling me to focus on myself and not my AH. I didn't understand that until here recently that is what I need to do to keep sane for myself. It is extremely difficult for me to focus on myself and not my AH husband, but I am finding that when I do focus on me, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Hey there. I'd ask you how's it going, but you're BACK. Nuff said.
Life was definitely too short to waste one more second with an alcoholic anchor around my neck.
Go back and read your first post here, I did. Sounds like it's 2 years later and nothing has really changed. Back then you were concerned about the logistics of the leaving as I was. I was worried about losing all my "stuff".
Well guess what, I DID lose all my stuff, I really like my stuff too, took me a long time to accumulate all my stuff. I still miss some of my cool stuff, but I'd give it all up again in a heartbeat, cause I'm happier without all my stuff than WITH it if I gotta be back in an alcoholic marriage.
The hard part is deciding if you are DONE. If you are, you will know and wild horses won't be able to stop you. Then all you gotta do is this: The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Leaving)
If you haven't decided yet, then there are other "stickies" about staying vs leaving and all that.
Welcome back.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Life was definitely too short to waste one more second with an alcoholic anchor around my neck.
Go back and read your first post here, I did. Sounds like it's 2 years later and nothing has really changed. Back then you were concerned about the logistics of the leaving as I was. I was worried about losing all my "stuff".
Well guess what, I DID lose all my stuff, I really like my stuff too, took me a long time to accumulate all my stuff. I still miss some of my cool stuff, but I'd give it all up again in a heartbeat, cause I'm happier without all my stuff than WITH it if I gotta be back in an alcoholic marriage.
The hard part is deciding if you are DONE. If you are, you will know and wild horses won't be able to stop you. Then all you gotta do is this: The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Leaving)
If you haven't decided yet, then there are other "stickies" about staying vs leaving and all that.
Welcome back.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Ozone Ranger
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dazed and confused
Posts: 138
JR"B" here. Need our own meeting place. Maybe JRT's are carriers?
Please. Read the post of Thumper's twice. In the answer to Thumper's questions, lies your safest, most direct path to your way to relief. Your mind tells you there must be another way out.
As a seasoned sailor of this sea, I swear to you, in Thumper's post lies the answers to this brutal puzzle. There is no such thing as seeking those answers too soon. Some have tried too late.
Please. Read the post of Thumper's twice. In the answer to Thumper's questions, lies your safest, most direct path to your way to relief. Your mind tells you there must be another way out.
As a seasoned sailor of this sea, I swear to you, in Thumper's post lies the answers to this brutal puzzle. There is no such thing as seeking those answers too soon. Some have tried too late.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Thumper, WOW!
Your wisdom.
I love the line about the fallout and what's best for everybody - including the dog. lol.
I have to agree that the first step is to figure out what's best for YOU and do it.
Your wisdom.
I love the line about the fallout and what's best for everybody - including the dog. lol.
I have to agree that the first step is to figure out what's best for YOU and do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Hey JRG. Sorry to see you back. I mean.............well, you know what I mean. 
Somebody posted just the other day:
"You don't really have a problem, you just have a solution you don't like."
Pretty much describes the last few years of my marriage.
L
Somebody posted just the other day:
"You don't really have a problem, you just have a solution you don't like."
Pretty much describes the last few years of my marriage.
L
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Hi again, JRG. I don't have a JRT, but my neighbor does. He's quite entertaining to watch--from a distance. I'm sure he's a handful for my neighbors, though. But, hey, I love a challenge, so I plan on being a JRG myself one day. Right now I have four dogs, and unless I have another moment of insanity, it will be a while before I acquire another dog.
I'm going to add my own twist to the quote LTD posted above:
I didn't really have a problem, I had a solution I THOUGHT I didn't like.
When I tried it, turns out I liked it a lot. My solution was to leave.
I'm going to add my own twist to the quote LTD posted above:
I didn't really have a problem, I had a solution I THOUGHT I didn't like.
When I tried it, turns out I liked it a lot. My solution was to leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
Thanks everyone! It is nice to see all the Jack Russell Terrier lovers. They are a ball of fire and mine is still jumping high and he is going on 10!
I think your right, deep down, I have the solution but just don't like it. I need to just do it this time but that pit in my stomach keeps holding me back for some reason. How do you cut ties after 25 years? I guess by starting to get a real game plan and focus on MY future. No more guilt trips about he is sick and needs support and your help. This is where I get stuck.
I think your right, deep down, I have the solution but just don't like it. I need to just do it this time but that pit in my stomach keeps holding me back for some reason. How do you cut ties after 25 years? I guess by starting to get a real game plan and focus on MY future. No more guilt trips about he is sick and needs support and your help. This is where I get stuck.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
No more guilt trips about he is sick and needs support and your help. This is where I get stuck.
I know you already know that you can't save him, and that saving him isn't your responsibility any way. That the only people we can save are ourselves and our minor children and Jack Russels. Don't 'cha?
And that he is a (to steal a term I liked from another poster) "grown assed man", with his own HP, and that you aren't it. Right?
The reason I ask is because I didn't know all these things for a long time, but I'm often reminded that others are light years ahead of me. IDK.
Or maybe you'll be ready when you've had enough? I know that the State of Texas (another higher power) had a lot of input in my thought process because of LMC. I shudder to think I might still be there if not for my minor child. I guess I must be blessed or something.
Any way, gotta go walk dogs at the pound. See ya.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
P.S. I've written this post 3 or 4 times, keeps sounding too pushy, I keep deleting it. I swear I'm not trying to fix you. Yeah, right. Good thing I just got back from an Al-Anon meeting, this would be MUCH longer.
I know you already know that you can't save him, and that saving him isn't your responsibility any way. That the only people we can save are ourselves and our minor children and Jack Russels. Don't 'cha?
And that he is a (to steal a term I liked from another poster) "grown assed man", with his own HP, and that you aren't it. Right?
The reason I ask is because I didn't know all these things for a long time, but I'm often reminded that others are light years ahead of me. IDK.
Or maybe you'll be ready when you've had enough? I know that the State of Texas (another higher power) had a lot of input in my thought process because of LMC. I shudder to think I might still be there if not for my minor child. I guess I must be blessed or something.
Any way, gotta go walk dogs at the pound. See ya.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
P.S. I've written this post 3 or 4 times, keeps sounding too pushy, I keep deleting it. I swear I'm not trying to fix you. Yeah, right. Good thing I just got back from an Al-Anon meeting, this would be MUCH longer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
P.S. I've written this post 3 or 4 times, keeps sounding too pushy, I keep deleting it. I swear I'm not trying to fix you. Yeah, right. Good thing I just got back from an Al-Anon meeting, this would be MUCH longer.
I know, right?!?!?
:rotfxko
you are doing okay coyote.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL 
Coyote21 - LMAO!!! This is what I need to hear right now! Is he really a grown man though?? Oh ya, he should be, he turns 49 today!
Time to take care of your own life, you grown assed man you!
JRG,
I love to see a jack russell excited and jumping up and down.
On Animal Planet they have shows about certain breeds and give information on Jack Russells. Wow, you should have seen it when there was a bunch of them together for training trials. I could feel the energy.
I love terriers of all kinds.
Beth
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL
Coyote21 - LMAO!!! This is what I need to hear right now! Is he really a grown man though?? Oh ya, he should be, he turns 49 today!
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
When I was ready to leave, JRG, a pit in the stomach or fear of what lied ahead didn't stop me. When you're ready to go, you'll go. Until then, go easy of yourself, OK? I, too, made a plan before I left. And I'm glad I did. It helped ease my fear of leaving.
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