1st Post
 

Hi all, joined last year, lurked and finally decided to post. Guess my AH took up a lot of my time! My story in a nutshell... Married for 7 yrs. to a man that drank beer every minute he wasn't at work. About 3 yrs. ago I started to find "airplane" bottles of vodka hidden everywhere.(My plants, rolled up in his socks in the drawer, couch cushions you name it.) He's a sloppy, falling down, mean, verbally abusive drunk. Probably not shocking to anyone here is the fact that he gets up everyday, works a 50 hr. week, has a good job where his bosses,co-workers and customers think he's SO NICE. He's even managed to never have gotten a DUI! although he drives drunk every night. Last April, I had him removed by the police one night. Had to bring him to court and force him to provide some support money. (he cleaned out bank account of $7000 everything we had) We were separated for a few months while he did the whole AA thing. After awhile we started talking. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!!! As a master manipulator, he blew plenty of sunshine up my you know what. He moved back in in July, and didn't feel the need to attend AA anymore by August. So, of course you all know what happened next. The love of his life, Miss Absolute moved back in with us!The last few months have been hellish. Now it's January, I turned the computer on yesterday morning and he didn't close out of his e-mail account on it the night before.(too difficult while drunk, I suppose)so.. what do I find? while I lay sleeping upstairs Sun. night, he sat here drunk and decided it was perfectly acceptable to join an online dating service! You know how they talk about an alcoholic hitting bottom? I HIT MINE!!! I let him leave for work normally, packed my car with every single thing of his from this house, and drove to his job. Switched everything into his car and drove away. Stopped at Lowes, bought a new lock for the front door and had my sisters husband come change it. I never heard from him last night. This morning he sent me a text saying he needs his alarm clock and razor! Wow, talk about whats important to him. Anyway, my advice to the next unsuspecting lady is.. RUN FAR, RUN FAST You can't help an addict that doesn't want the help. Lord knows I tried. I don't know how I'll make it through. Right now I'm just enjoying the peace and calm in my house. Thanks everyone for listening to a newbies rant. Looking forward to sharing with those that understand.

Welcome corkel!

We're glad you decided to post. I also lurked for a LONG time before I posted. We all know exactly what you're going through. Mine didn't do the online dating thing but the alcohol and insanity were enough to deal with. My divorce was final in Jan. 2010. As sad as that is it was the absolute best thing I could have done for myself. We were married six years and it was always a circle of crazy. I wish that the first time I considered divorce I had gone through it. I would have saved myself a lot more misery.

Besides coming here I go to my local AlAnon meeting. It is a wonderful source of support. I am not the meeting type of gal but I definitely need to be there.

Keep coming back. We're glad you're here.

Corkel you are an inspiration to me. Packing his things and changing the locks. I admire you and hope that I find the courage to do the same. I am feeling pretty low right now and need to find my inner strength. :Squat: Your post really helped.

Thanks!

WOW! That is awesome! I admire you as well........now just remember........he will try again to blow the sunshine up your you know where....don't let him. Good for you! When I feel a moment of weakness, I visit this site. Pretty much any post I read I can relate to in some way, and it reminds me to stay strong!
M

You're an inspiration! :c011:

Hi Corkel and WELCOME!!!!!

congratulations!! I"m stoked for you!


he doesn't need an alarm clock.
he can get razors 10 for a dollar at the dollar store.
alarm clocs are less than three bucks at wal mart.

It's just a ruse.

either that -
or put the clock in the driveway
and back the car over it.

tell him you need to know when he's coming
because the police have to be there.

LOL

bitter? not me...

Thanks for the welcome! Rolltide, you hit the nail on the head with the "circle of crazy"! I've tried a few Al-Anon meetings in the past, found it a bit depressing. Maybe I should give it another chance. Codie101 and Stepping Up, you just made me cry. In my 43 yrs. no one has ever said i was an "inspiration". Thank You. Barb Dwyer, Too funny about the clock and razors huh? I wonder how a 48 yr. old man knows where every bar and liquor store is in my county (and what time they close) but is oblivious to where Wal-Mart is! MyBetterWorld, I can see how visiting this site helps, much of what I've read has made me cry,but more has made me laugh! It's good to know so many are feeling the same things, because I feel like I'm alone in this. Don't know yet how I'll pay the bills, or even put one foot in front of the other, but this very minute, as i sit on my couch (the same couch I sprayed with FeBreeze 3 mornings ago because it reeked of vodka!) I feel safe and calm, and thats all I ever wanted.

you're not alone.

Welcome, Corkel!

It sounds like your "hitting bottom" is translating to a whole new life for you already. I'm very happy for you. I'd recommend writing a list of everything you don't miss about him while you're feeling the outrage. I did that, and it was invaluable to me in other moments. One of the things on my list: not missing the smell of vodka!! I also starting going to Alanon and after trying it for 8 meetings I knew that I needed to be there.

Enjoy getting your life back. I'm cheering for you~

posie

I LOVE this:

You are one strong lady! :You_Rock_
Welcome to SR and thanks for sharing!

I love it - you ARE an inspiration! Very courageous! Hang in there. Some days its easy to go back into the old thinking. I just stumbled tonight - caught myself buying into the same old crap - but then something happened, something snapped (or maybe clicked, I don't know how to describe it) and I suddenly exclaimed "I just wasted 45 minutes of oxygen!" and ran out the door, leaving him standing there with mouth wide open. Phew - months ago I would have gone on arguing and justifying for hours.

My Mom always says you never know when you've had enough until you know when you've had MORE than enough!

Thanks Tuffgirl, love your moms saying! I noticed your in Anchorage, my AH's brother, who is also a drunk, lives there too, always in trouble, maybe he knows your AH?! LOL Well, anyway, quick update as of last night. On Mon. when I packed his things and put everything into his car at work, I was driving the nice newer car we have and he was using the old beater car back and forth to work. well, sometime last night, he came here and switched cars(he had extra set of keys on his keyring)I guess now that he's single and ready to mingle he needs to have the nice car, and I get the high mileage car that shakes, and smells like gasoline. Oh. well. at least it doesn't smell like vodka and call me names!

Lots of drunks in this neck of the woods. I think its the long winters. No other form of entertainment?! Or seasonal affective disorder? Or the fact that there are liquor stores and/or bars on almost every corner? We have HUGE issues with alcohol in my state. Sad.

But, we also have a strong Al-Anon and AA presence here, thank goodness!

I got the old car, too. But he got stuck with the car payments! ha ha!