Redheadsusie

is too much. I feel horrible today - jittery, tired, my neck hurts - I am exhausted and all because I engaged with him. Sure - he was all nice at first -told me he missed me- he needed a hug- now that I think back all very selfish things - all to do with his feelings- nothing about me. When I finally said something he did not like - whammy- all the crazy A comments came pouring out. I told him the conversation was done but the damage was done to my mental status. I cried for hours just over the insanity of it. Cried because maybe that jackass is right - I am going to grow old alone. Cried because I wasted 10 years on a moron. Cried Cried Cried. Then I used my Neti Pot and mixed my own brew and almost blew my head off. WOW! Anyway- I need to get through this - I am walking a fine line of sanity or insanity- however you look at it! This too shall pass.... I hope!

StarCat

If your AH is anything like my ABF, if you go back to him then yes, you will "die alone," even if he's standing right beside you.

YOU are the one who wants to get better. YOU are the one working some kind of program.
At the end of the day, if things progress as they are right now, YOU will be the one to change and he will be the one to stay the same.

You will change into a more relaxed, more at peace, even-more-amazing-than-you-are-right-now person, and nothing he says or does can change that unless you allow him to have an effect.

Keep moving forward, keep looking up, because you are a wonderful person, and you are so worth it! <3

Redheadsusie

StarCat- You rock! I really needed to hear that today! The Greyhound Extreme can't tell me these things even though he gives me kisses! You are correct- I did feel more alone with him here! I just can't look back- can't think what if.. Onwards and Upwards.....For us all! Thank you!

kilt

The people who have value are the ones who care about you and want to make you happy or help you. Your AH isn't any of those things. I don't think he was offering constructive criticism. I think he was being a mean jerk. I have a great relationship with my ex because even though we are not together, we still care and want the other to be happy. We don't always agree, but neither of us just say stuff to hurt the other person. Look for someone who helps you be a better you and not someone who likes to hurt you and cares only for himself.

mutya123

that feeling will pass and no its not you, you are not losing your sanity. This is the same as my axbf - they are very professional in their manipulation techniques and are experts at stripping us of our self confidence just to make them feel better about their own shortcomings and issues. You will not grow old alone, neither will I - we must start believing more in ourselves and less in their lies. I've been crying virtual non stop for 2 weeks (including breaking down at work), whilst my ex couldn't care less and hasn't shed a tear!!

Redheadsusie

You are correct Mutya123- He is not losing any sleep over any of it. He always did that when we were together - if he felt bad about something he would put it on me- I would take it and then he felt better and I felt like crap! I am trying to believe in myself and listen to my HP and my intuition and my Mom from Heaven! Hang in there -

lillamy

The less you have to deal with him, the better. And I promise you, you will get to the point where you can listen to his rantings and think, "Sweet baby corn, these are the rants of an insane person!" and hang up. Promise. I didn't think I'd ever get there, but I have. And you will, too. Smooches!