New here
 

Hello, I have been reading stuff in here for a while. My spouse is an alcoholic. He has no desire to help himself. He does not see it as a problem. It has caused major financial problems among other issuses. He says he enjoys drinking and like the taste of beer. He drinks everyday. I have been with him for 15 years and I have never known him to go longer than three days or so without a drink. Anyway, I am to the point that I do't care about helping him. I used to, but now I just don't care. I have realized I can't stop him. I try to stay seperate from him as much as possible. I do have to spend some time with him to keep the peace for my children. I care about him and love him but I wish he would just never drink around me or in my home. I am just looking for advice, support , someone that can relate to me. I have never felt more alone in my marriage...the beer has won.

hello debvin

welcome to SR.

SOrry for the reason, but I hope you'll find the support and friends you need here.
do you hae any support in real life?
it's a tough row to hoe with only one mule.

well -
you are no longer alone!

Welcome!

Being married to an A can be very lonely.

Being responsible for children without a "real" partner can also be very lonely and stressful.

Al-anon helps me find some peace and serenity and clears my thinking so I can make decisions that are best for me.

Welcome to SR. You will find alot of wonderful people here that will support you. Also a great place to be when you cannot get to an Al Anon meeting. I have been doing both for about 8 months and I am doing so much better thanks to others

Debvin, It says your join date was 2004. Is that a typo????

Welcome to SR

Keep posting and reading.

There is much wisdom here in the threads and sticky at the top of the forum.

Reaching the place of not caring is a good place to begin accepting him as he is and taking care of yourself and the kids in the best way you know. It is a good time to make the changes that will accomplish both.

It is lonely without support and you will get that here as well as at alnon meetings. Things have a way of getting twisted. Meetings and support (which you can get here on the forums and in chat) will help you to keep things realistic.

Hi Debvin,

I can totally remember feeling exactly like that. It is a lonely place indeed.

The understanding and support of the people here has been such a gift to me.

I read the stickies at the top many times.

Hi There...
 

...I'm sorry you have had to live this life, the same life I have lived since 1998 with my alcoholic wife. I know it's painful, very painful, but there is good news.

There is something for you, not for him the alcoholic, but for you and it's called Al-Anon. It saved my life. You are already well into the first step (accepting that you are powerless over alcohol), and that's a good thing. You can find a meeting here-- if possible where you live, try six meetings, some different, before you decide if it will work for you: WV AL-ANON and ALATEEN.

Take care,

Cyranoak

Hi Debvin! Welcome!

I can relate so much to what you posted. After 14 years with my AH (daily drinker), I took my then 3 &1/2-year-old daughter & left (it was really hard for me to do but I felt so lonely, sad & hopeless as time went on. His drinking seemed to worsen, his perceptions seemed to get more warped (mine too!). After I left with our daughter, things took a worse turn for my husband (it wasn't great for me either but It was still a little better than living with an active alcoholic) This led my husband to hit bottom & eventually enter an in patient program. He has been sober (in recovery) for 10 months.

I never thought I would see my husband sober *ever*. I didn't think he was capable of sobriety or even recovery. My husband just didn't seem to care. He didn't seem to care about going to jail, hurting himself, hurting others, etc. I had hit my bottom & had to leave. Things had to get so bad for each of us that we each couldn't take it anymore before either of us *finally* stopped doing the same thing over & over and *finally* get help. He needed it & I needed it. We are still separated but working to reunite under the same roof.

I hope you stay here & read a lot & post a lot. I have learned so much here. I also started taking Alanon seriously. I appreciate hearing other people's stories. I learn a lot on how to "live life" in general but most especially in relationship to alcoholism. I hope you can find serenity and that eventually your husband can find his way to sobriety/recovery. It is possible (but usually it has to get worse before it gets better).

Warm hugs to you!

Hi Debvin

Welcome....we are so glad you found us. :grouphug:

The love support friendship and understanding here is unreal and it keeps many of us sane!

Keep reading keep posting....as others have said you are no longer alone...we are hear and we are listening.Take Care Phiz