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Old 05-22-2011, 09:51 PM
  # 161 (permalink)  
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xABF: i don't feel myself today. i'm very tired. must be all that hard work i've done.
me: hmm. do you think perhaps you're hungover from the 16 pints of lager last night?
xABF: what? i'm not hungover. i just told you, i'm tired from all the work i've done

(note: he had spent the previous day lying about...slept all morning...went to pubs at 11...back to sleep...pub at 5...back to sleep...pub at 10...)
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Old 05-22-2011, 10:04 PM
  # 162 (permalink)  
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xABF: i feel good after only 4 pints last night. feel fresh.

me: you had 8 pints of lager last night, not four.

xABF: no, i left half the pint in the glass. don't like that last bit of lager at the bottom of the glass.

me: nonsense. i was there. you left a teaspoons worth at the bottom, not half a glass.
you had 8 pints last night, not four. plus you went to the pub at 11 also.

xABF: oh, that doesn't count.

me: why not?

xABF: because that was in the morning and i slept it off.

me: i still don't think you are fit to drive. 8 pints = 16 units of alcohol. that means you can't drive until 2.

xABF: i am a man. beer doesn't affect me. it depends on your metabolism and what you've eaten.

me: tell that the police officer.

xABF: you had 3 whiskeys. that's more than 8 pints of lager.

me: no it's not. it's 3 units of alcohol. 8 pints of lager is 16 units of alcohol.

xABF: that's not true. whiskey is stronger.

me: yes, it is but it is about the volume.

xABF: nonsense.

(next time we are in the pub)

me: let's ask the bartender about the units of alcohol

xABF: ok. then you'll see ...

me: bartender, can you tell us the units of a dram of whiskey versus a pint of lager?

(bartender pulls out official manual. checks)

bartender: a whiskey is 1.2 units of alcohol and a pint is 2.x units of alcohol

xABF: that book is wrong.
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Old 05-22-2011, 11:24 PM
  # 163 (permalink)  
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hysterical

I'm new here, and these "quackers" are hysterical:-)
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:15 AM
  # 164 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LaPinturaBella View Post
WTBH...I got the impression right off the bat you're a self-centered, cold bitch NOT!!!!
LOL! I know it, right?! I am an opinionated, stubborn, feisy "bitch" at times-- but cold? Not so much. In fact I wish I were a bit more self centered and cold bc I'd have left AH years ago and not struggle with such damned co-dependency.

It just boggles my brain how they can do a complete 360 in .0001 seconds flat. They looooove you one moment and the next instant you're Hitler reincarnated.
Wow, just when I think I can't be surprised... I didn't realize that this was a common quacking method-- I found myself surprised by AH last week when he started in with this kind of thing and thought it was just him... Ahhh, relief. It's still insane to hear it but knowing that it's more common than I thought makes it easier to digest somehow, kwim?
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:18 AM
  # 165 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by GetBusyLiving View Post
I'm new here, and these "quackers" are hysterical:-)

Just wanted to tell you I really love your screen name!
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Old 05-23-2011, 08:21 PM
  # 166 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sesh View Post
:
"How come you don't realize I was to you the best husband one can ask for?"
I laughed so hard, I though I'd die, and he said:
"What? why are you laughing? What's funny?"

Priceless.

I think TINK does this best....
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Old 05-23-2011, 09:27 PM
  # 167 (permalink)  
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Matt, my non-A stalker:You've never given me time to know the real me! You never gave me a chance. I am not the person you think I am.
Me: I think I have known you for 6 years now; if that is not enough time to know the "real" you then I am content to not meet him.

AH: I have been to AA and there are people who use heroin and cocaine there!!! I am not as messed up as they are. I don't think I need to go like they do.
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:08 AM
  # 168 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Eight Ball View Post
AH: What sort of bloke do you think you will be able to find in Australia who doesn't drink - a church goer!
Me: That will be none of your business
Oh my, I am all to familiar with this one! He has never actually said it, but I just know he is thinking it. Drinking is so ingrained in the Australian way of life, the whole "you aren't a real bloke if you don't drink beer.."


Anyway, I have one quack quack quack conversation from recently. To put a backstory, my partner started going to AA recently, its been 2 maybe 3 weeks since he started going now.. and he's had some slips, but he is continuing to at least go to the meetings, so its a start for him in the right direction, which is good.

I had to condense it, because it went back and forth for the whole car ride home.. but this is the basic gist:

A: Hey, I just wanted to tell you, that I need to go up the coast to see enabler-friend. I'm not going to do anything, I'll leave my wallet here so I can't go and buy alcohol or drugs. But honestly, if you don't want me to go, I won't go.
Me: Look, I honestly don't think it is a good idea for you to go, since you have just started to attempt to make recovery, but I can't stop you. I don't want you to go, but the choice is yours to make, and I won't stop you if you really want to go and do go.
A: So I'm a prisoner in my own body? I can't do anything because everyone is so scared I will slip up? Are you telling me not to go?
Me: I'm not telling you to do anything. You know my opinion, but it is just my opinion and ultimately the choice is yours and I won't stop you.
A: Well I want you to tell me not to go if you don't want me to go.
Me: No, I won't tell you want to do. You make your own decision.
A: I don't want to! You need to tell me what I should do!

At this point he is starting to slur and throw a childish tantrum, so right then and there I knew he had been drinking. We were driving back home from his AA meeting and my Al-Anon meeting too.. haha oh well, you win some, you lose some.

My HP truly was watching over me that night, if I hadn't been to Al-Anon before that conversation happened, I would have lost my mind at him.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:33 AM
  # 169 (permalink)  
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Quacks from my AW this last week before I moved out.

I asked her how her rehab was going (she's been to 3 sessions so far) and she told me great and then gave me the hand out they recieved that day. It was on anger. She told me that I needed that more than she did, she didn't have any problems with anger.

She also told me that base on what she's learned in rehab (again only 3 sessions) the only reason I'm moving out is because I don't love her.

And last but not least, how can she recover if I'm not there to support her.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:46 AM
  # 170 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
Quacks from my AW this last week before I moved out.
She told me that I needed that more than she did, she didn't have any problems with anger.

Perhaps she and my AH could meet. He too has diagnosed me with "severe anger" and doesn't see and I will never again try to "show" him that his passive aggressive, emotional abuse is a far far greater sign of anger than a spouse stating honestly how she feels. In his mind my sitting down and trying to tell him how I feel =s attack/anger/rage, but his behaviors (verbal abuse, lying, gaslighting etc...) is all fine bc it's done in a quiet, soft, creepy tone of voice.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:56 AM
  # 171 (permalink)  
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XABF has always been convinced that me stating how I feel (kindly) is abusing him, while him screaming and yelling at me and telling me I'm worthless and throwing things is okay because "he didn't mean it."

The world according to XABF:
Honesty = Abusive; Lies = Good!
or, to put it in different terms:
StarCat = Wrong; XABF = God

And to think I actually used to believe his stories!
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Old 05-24-2011, 09:46 AM
  # 172 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by StarCat View Post
XABF has always been convinced that me stating how I feel (kindly) is abusing him, while him screaming and yelling at me and telling me I'm worthless and throwing things is okay because "he didn't mean it."

The world according to XABF:
Honesty = Abusive; Lies = Good!
or, to put it in different terms:
StarCat = Wrong; XABF = God

And to think I actually used to believe his stories!

Been there done that about a million times!!! LOL. Actually, I would express my feelings and then came the statement of fact that I was abusing her, not treating her well, and was being nasty (because of what I said).

We never discussed my feelings -- only HOW I said what I said. Never the subject, just the delivery.

Boy, did I get conned on that one. LOL.
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Old 05-24-2011, 09:48 AM
  # 173 (permalink)  
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and when it wasn't HOW I said it, it was the timing of my saying it and when that wasn't the problem it was his "perception" (bc you can't invalidate a persons' perception without being abusive according to AH) that I was yelling and that was the problem.

Bottom line.

WTBH is NOT allowed to express any emotion unless pre-ordained as acceptable by AH. And what is acceptable changes as often as his lies about his drinking- so, a lot.
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:17 PM
  # 174 (permalink)  
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It’s not quacking but its about a duck. My kids found this hope it makes you smile.

SchoolTube - The Duck Song
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Old 05-24-2011, 03:47 PM
  # 175 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by skippernlilg View Post
ABF would argue and fight with himself all the time. I really didn't hear most of what he said in this past year or so.

One of the things I did hear him say that caught my attention was this:


"You've been reading too much. This wasn't a problem until you started all this reading."
I get this one all the time too. It's like any kind of knowledge is too much knowledge. He hates Dr. Phil too. The worst: Intervention.
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Old 05-24-2011, 06:25 PM
  # 176 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MissChievous View Post
I get this one all the time too. It's like any kind of knowledge is too much knowledge. He hates Dr. Phil too. The worst: Intervention.
My AW is the exact opposite. She loves to watch Dr Phil and Intervention. The irony is simply beyond her grasp.r
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Old 05-24-2011, 07:40 PM
  # 177 (permalink)  
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Funny my AH loves the addiction shows too. Strange if you ask me.
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:04 PM
  # 178 (permalink)  
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Yeah, my boyfriend gets tears in his eyes watching 'those poor people'... it's a TV show, honey. The real alcoholic is the one still drinking at 6am when I got up to go for a run.

ugh - mad tonight!

- Sylvie
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Old 05-25-2011, 07:12 AM
  # 179 (permalink)  
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AH thought I was crazy to watch the Intervention shows because "I'm not that bad", when in reality, he's getting there.I watch them occasionally as a reminder that yes, it will get worse.
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Old 05-25-2011, 09:15 AM
  # 180 (permalink)  
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I hit Rock Bottom.

Biggest damn quack in the book!
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