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QUACKERs....

Old 05-15-2011, 07:05 AM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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Me: I thought you said you wanted to stop drinking/drugging
Him: Yeah, well, it's a PROCESS
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Old 05-15-2011, 07:41 AM
  # 142 (permalink)  
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AH said to me"he spends all our money on booze because I waste our money by renting this house!!!" I thought..So we have a place to live..
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Old 05-21-2011, 09:20 PM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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"I've only had TEN beers, I'm okay to drive!"

ARRGGG!
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Old 05-21-2011, 11:30 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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thanks for bumping the thread - this is my first visit!!

AH: (Upon my finding a bottle in the car) "That was from a long time ago"

Me: "I didn't see this day before yesterday when I had the groceries back here."

AH: (silence)
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:01 AM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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AXBF: Oh my god, stop being such a psycho!
ME: You can call me psycho all you want, but I don't care. You aren't even sane enough to have a normal conversation with me or deal with your emotions. I'll take my "psycho" over yours any day.
AXBF: (Threats of "ruining my rep" with my family)
AXBF: You sound like you are drunk. HahahahaH
ME: I'm trying to help you but time and time again recently you have been underestimating your role in the destruction of our relationship.
ME: You can call me drunk all you want but that isn't offensive to me sorry.
AXBF: whatever freak.


QUACK QUACKKK.....the best is how he tries to tell me that im "drunk" when im the logical one even trying to talk to him. and also what the hell even if i was drunk?! Im not an A and i certainly arent rambling and violent and raging like you!
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:36 AM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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AH: My boat keeps me sober
Me: What for 4 hours every other weekend.

AH: Well my DD knows who I am
Me: Oh that makes it OK to bully her then.

Me: I have spent over a year at SR, Al-anon and therapy trying to detach from your drinking.
AH: Laugh, Well you haven't done a very good job
Me: No, that's why I am leaving

AH: You are choosing to believe those American people (SR) over me.

AH: What sort of bloke do you think you will be able to find in Australia who doesn't drink - a church goer!
Me: That will be none of your business
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Old 05-22-2011, 02:05 PM
  # 147 (permalink)  
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Great thread.
After leaving my AH over 5 months ago, after he started drinking again after 4 months of sobriety (that happened after he nearly died from liver cirrhosis) and after finding out he was cheating on me for years, and that he had a new girlfriend at the time, I started spending some time with him recently, since he asked me for help as he wanted to go into rehab and needed someone to stay close to him until he is admitted, as he didn't trust himself not to drink if spending too much time alone.
Well, I was seeing him every day for about 3 weeks, and boy did it bring back some memories of quacking.
One day he kept saying how hurt he is that I was seeing someone briefly after we separated, and I thought that was funny considering all of his infidelities, so I told him why bring that up, I'm being a friend and supportive now, I'm here for you, why don't we leave it at that. But he kept insisting he was never unfaithful to me. When I had enough I gave him a piece of paper I found after he moved out with a poem he wrote for his GF, even her name was on it. And I said Could we just cut the crap now and be honest.
He read it and his face was showing such a hurt and he said:
"Why did you do this, now you have spoiled my day."
I mean, is he for real?

And few days later, after spending all day in the car driving him to rehab for the interview and back, when pulling my car in front of his mum's he said to me:
"How come you don't realize I was to you the best husband one can ask for?"
I laughed so hard, I though I'd die, and he said:
"What? why are you laughing? What's funny?"

Priceless. As someone else said here I can't even be angry with him, I mean just imagine his state of mind when he can come up with such things to say, after everything he has done.
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Old 05-22-2011, 03:04 PM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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"I need some hobbies now that I'm not drinking." (while slurring his words and clearly drunk)
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Old 05-22-2011, 03:41 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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If you gave me more positive feedback and praised me once in a while for the things I am doing I'd have a much greater motivation to recover.

That's a regularly occurring quack. And the sad/insane part is that I did praise every little f'ing thing he did.... Oh, you wiped your ass by yourself? GOOD JOB!!!! YAY!!! Seriously, I was nuts. The bar could not have been any lower but still I expected too much and praised too little. Sure.
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Old 05-22-2011, 03:51 PM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
If you gave me more positive feedback and praised me once in a while for the things I am doing I'd have a much greater motivation to recover..
Ugh ... Didn't even realize that one was a quack until now! Duh.
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Old 05-22-2011, 03:59 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by putmeontheair View Post
Ugh ... Didn't even realize that one was a quack until now! Duh.
Glad to be of help!!! :rotfxko

The stuff they say that we actually spend energy believing and trying to fix in ourselves... UGH.

Now certainly, being positive and giving positive feedback IS important... But not in the way AH wants it.

He wanted the 'do the bare minimum or even nothing and just talk a good game and get credit as if he'd done what he talked about'. He learned that one from his A father and even has admitted as much. Course that doesn't stop him from continuing to do it... Here's my feedback on that...
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:14 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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"Why can't you just accept me for who I am?"

He has a valid point.
I'm still wanting the man he used to be.
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:26 PM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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WTBH man you really hit it on the nail with me today. I heard that one today as well. He goes to work, cleans the pool, takes the car to be washed etc but I don't see that good in him and tell him about it. My response: I get up everyday, pack lunches, take kids to school, scrub the toilets, mop floors, do the laundry and I don't get any thing from him in return either.

Going to work and doing household chores does not make up for alcoholic BS. Somehow in his mind he thinks by doing stuff like going to work and cleaning the pool makes up for all of his negative stuff. Ummm NO!
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Old 05-22-2011, 04:36 PM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Alone22 View Post
WTBH man you really hit it on the nail with me today. I heard that one today as well. He goes to work, cleans the pool, takes the car to be washed etc but I don't see that good in him and tell him about it. My response: I get up everyday, pack lunches, take kids to school, scrub the toilets, mop floors, do the laundry and I don't get any thing from him in return either.

Going to work and doing household chores does not make up for alcoholic BS. Somehow in his mind he thinks by doing stuff like going to work and cleaning the pool makes up for all of his negative stuff. Ummm NO!
Yeah, that kind of "praise me for being an adult" b.s. drives me insane. I'm an adult, I have responsibilities, I do what I need to, I don't expect anyone (nor do I want or think I deserve) to kiss my ass for being a grown up.

AH however thinks that waking up and going to work warrants a Times Square ticker tape parade-- and again, like a fool I gave him this for a long time bc he told me if I did then he'd _____________ (be less sensitive to "criticism", be honest, want to spend time at home with me etc...) I guess in a way I taught him it was okay to behave like that and have that belief set. And when I stopped in my tracks and woke up that did not go over well at all and I've been a self centered, cold bitch in his estimation ever since...

And this self centered, cold bitch will be very happy being alone and is pretty sure that others don't see me quite the same way he does!
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Old 05-22-2011, 06:36 PM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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WTBH...I got the impression right off the bat you're a self-centered, cold bitch NOT!!!!

It just boggles my brain how they can do a complete 360 in .0001 seconds flat. They looooove you one moment and the next instant you're Hitler reincarnated. I doubt I'll ever really understand that. Better yet, I know I don't really care to understand it, it's that utterly ludicrous.

QUACK, QUACK, QUACK! I keep visualizing Burgess Meredith as The Penguin waddling around "quacking." ROTFLMAO
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Old 05-22-2011, 07:01 PM
  # 156 (permalink)  
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Lol, bella that is my favorite too!

One moment it is "quack quack quack i love you more than anything on this planet. thank you for being here for me. im truly so sorry for everything bad ive done to you"

***two seconds pass***

"Quack quack quack i SERIOUSLY ******* hate you more than anyone on this planet! You are seriously a ******* monster who doesnt GET ****. [Insert random below the belt jab here. Example: I love my dog very much (probably because he is more of a man than xabf ever was.) So he goes AND i hope you are gone and your dog is alone when he dies!]

Um really? F*** you b****.
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Old 05-22-2011, 07:18 PM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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I think the quacking is reflective of much larger issues. Yes, we all get the lying, excuses, manipulations, and all of that. I also think the vacillation and justification is very common. However, I also think it can be so many other things. In some cases, it can be denial, anger, rage, hatred, fear, defensiveness, blaming, and just life spiraling out of control.

My wife, even when sober, has a need to argue. She has to fight with someone. She thrives on it. She is constantly trying to engage me in confrontations, arguments, and the like. So, the 'ism's are all there. I see it, know it and in order for me to stay and be healthy -- I can't get sucked in. I detach. I refuse to dance with her in her 'ism dance.

All of their "stuff" -- the 'ism's, the BS, the behavior, all of it, is part of their quacking. It's what their entire life becomes. The world, the reality that they see about them, unfortunately, is one only they can see.
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Old 05-22-2011, 07:41 PM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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ABF would argue and fight with himself all the time. I really didn't hear most of what he said in this past year or so.

One of the things I did hear him say that caught my attention was this:


"You've been reading too much. This wasn't a problem until you started all this reading."
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Old 05-22-2011, 08:54 PM
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Doesn't seem to matter what the quacking subject is about....it all boils down to the same thing.......IT IS SOMEONE ELSE"S FAULT.
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Old 05-22-2011, 09:48 PM
  # 160 (permalink)  
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take 1


xABF (we are camping at the ocean. lovely river next to us. swans feeding. waterfall at top of river. sunsetting...) : this is like a prison to me, camping here! i feel trapped in this tent. i'm going to the pub.

take 2

xABF: i only drink because i hate this house and this neighborhood.

(i move out. he gets evicted. he moves into new place)

take 3

xABF: i only drink because this apartment depresses me.
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