I've heard almost all of these in our household.

lately he has been saying: "You just need to tell me what to do!" Then later he says, "I always have to do what you ask me to do and I am sick of living this way! I am finding my own place..."

"You need to tell me if you want to be with me or not! I don't like this relationship of you spending all my money when I go to work everyday. (I am in school and have two little ones) And his idea of a good relationship is just sex, "We don't need counseling, which is just someone telling you what you want to hear or I don't need AA because I know what to do"..I told him to quit asking because it ain't happenin. His response is, "Well how come we only do it when YOU want to, that is unfair" (As in my eyes we are separated but having to live in the same house and I told him that)

He gave me that one a lot. But in the last year he gave up on trying to make me like him and I haven't heard it for a year or so.

I just have to say these QUACKERS are hysterical. I think they must have a script programmed in their saturated heads because I think I have heard some of these more than once from my ABF.

After a night of heavy drinking, he will wake up hungover and in many instances still drunk. Extra pleasant for me. He screamed at me one morning "You never do anything for me and when you do it's wrong...look you didn't even put 2 ice cubes in my OJ, you put 4. You know I like 2 cubes." (I was getting his OJ ready to get him the heck out of the house and to work so I didn't have to listen to his crap anymore. Oh and for the record, I had no idea what his required number of ice cubes per glass of OJ was!) Really???? 2 cubes too many? OMG...I wanted to scream!!! I just said bye...have a good day...he slammed the door and left. Whatev.

My recent ones are:

"It's only 2 beers."
"It's only a big deal because you make a big deal out of it"
"I am so stressed and I need to take the edge off"
"I didn't buy it, I found it in the house from before"
"It's the weekend"
"It's Friday night"
"Its just a few after work"
"I was feeling good and wanted to relax"
"I wasn't feeling good and needed to feel better"
"Those empty cans are from MONTHS ago" (even if true, like that changes anything)


There is ALWAYS a reason.

Him: "I only had four shots today."
Me: "You had four shots during work. What about before work?"
Him: "That was before work. Those don't count!"

[QUOTE=Rayn3dr0p;2832382Okay, Quackety McQuackerson [/QUOTE]

:lmao::lmao

that's freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, I remembered a few more:

"The psychologist said if you won't stick by me, to just forget about you, you're not worth it."

"I don't need those meetings, they're addicted to meetings! If I can stop drinking without AA, then I don't need to go. I went 14 days without a drink!" (Yes, you did - 6 months ago, and you haven't quit since).


My favorite, though. This was on my voicemail, I should have saved it:

HIM (on cell phone): I've been in AA meetings all day, and they told me I'm not a drunk. (His words are completely slurred.)
AA Guy in the background: Yo, dude, what are you doing? The meeting's this way. You're not going to drink yet another whiskey bottle, are you? If you won't admit you have a problem, and stop running out to your car to drink more whiskey, why in the world are you here? Come to the meeting, dude, we're just like you, and we'll help you find your way out.
HIM: I'm just calling my girlfriend, leave me alone! I don't have to go to those!

Today's quacks:

"I'll do whatever you want me to do."
"I don't even WANT to drink again."
"I just want to come home. We don't even have to talk if you don't want to."

Eyes rolling....

Oh God, those sound way too familiar. I still swear there's an alcoholic's phrasebook somewhere because all of the quacking is not just similar, it's identical.

ABF to me: "I'll do whatever you want me to do."

Me: Rolling eyes, getting a mental picture of Daffy Duck in my mind.


ABF to me: "I don't even WANT to drink again."

Me: Rolling eyes, getting a mental picture of Daffy Duck in my mind.


ABF to me: "I just want to come home. "

Me: Rolling eyes, getting a mental picture of Daffy Duck in my mind yet again.

ABF to me: "We don't even have to talk if you don't want to."

Along with seeing Daffy I hear him yelling "Thufferin' Thucotash" every time these and other quacks are uttered by ABF.....

ME: Where are you? (knowing he is homeless)
XAH: In the hell where YOU put me.

QUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK

xah: No one knows what I have been through. No one knows what it is like to be MEEEEEEEEE.

Me: no, we don't know. And you can't remember half of it.

Jackwagon.

"I only lie because I am good at it. It is hard to not do something you are good at."

After a recent bout of pancreatitis at Christmas (3rd time being hospitalized for it) my AH claims he has stopped drinking. I know it isn't true, but he HAS cut back some. At least for now... Anyway, most of his conversations lately include the statement 'In my sobriety...blah blah blah (quack quack quack)'. He acts as though detoxing was a breeze, says he can see/think more clearly now that he is sober, says every day is sunshine and roses for the most part... And he is still drinking. QUACK!

A few months ago, after the umpteenth time talking to AH about his drinking, he shouted, "You drink coffee!!!" Yup, can't make this stuff up

I had a slightly different version of this - 'you eat sweets'

My AW calls me a drug addict...my drug of choice..Avodart.

I once got the "you eat sweets" too from him. Funny, can't remember the last time I turned into a slurring, abusive, door slamming, falling down idiot after eating a cupcake!

My AH said to me 'you eat'...yeah, that was it :scared:

:rotfxko

you never know corkel, what if you have that one extra cupcake!
you could get a sugar high!
and then, do something radical like ummmm, clean the kitchen? :scared:

:lmao

I got the same thing because I am a smoker and he isn't. I said basically the same thing as you did and his rationale was that since I wouldn't give up smoking, he wouldn't give up drinking and in fact, drank more and more.

I bought into it in the very beginning but soon learned to stop trying to argue/reason/yell/talk over him about this because it only happened when he was in his nasty, abusive drunk stage.

Another insane argument he presented to me was that if I loved and respected him, I would have never taken my husband's name when I got married.

By the time I met ABF, I was separated (after 8 years of marriage) and had reverted to my maiden name. He kept saying I "changed" my name, lost my identity and in doing so, disrespected him and would be forever tied to the ex by virtue of taking his name. Out of all of the drunken quacking, this was the mother of all quacks - one he kept going back to over and over and over and over.

Thankfully, that has passed but the insanity of that argument always stays with me.