SoaringSpirits

(We're separated after 16 years of marriage & four kids)

AH: "I really resent coming over to the house to fix things. I didn't mind it when we were living together, because I knew that at night I would be paid for the work. You know, with sex."

AH recently: "This no sex thing is getting really old."

(I told him that since he'd chosen vodka over me, that vodka was now his f**k, and I hoped he enjoyed her tight opening).

MeredithD1

"Well my family shoved God down my throat when I was a kid to try and keep me from doing what they didn't want me to do. So I'm not into this Higher Power thing. I don't share during meetings, and that's why. I don't have anything to add."

So I guess as long as he's waiting for God to prove Himself, then he can keep up the addiction/idol worship/rebellion rather than opening his heart to HP and recovering.

1 Corinthians 13:11
New International Version (NIV)

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

StarCat

Oh gosh, XABF used to use this section of the Bible against me.

"StarCat, when you were a child you could talk and think and reason like a child, but now that you're an adult it's time to put the childish things behind you and start taking care of things!"

He would then proceed to nag me about not doing enough housework around my apartment while he sat at the dining room table and told me what to do.
Even when he "helped" either things had to be redone (like when he "washed" dishes) or else I had to hold his pants up so they wouldn't slip down while he did whatever it was he was doing, so him "helping" didn't give me any space, either.

But somehow in his mind giving up childish things meant doing everything for him so he didn't have to do anything.
Which, to be honest, doesn't surprise me, as that's what his mother always did for him.

What more can you expect from someone who proudly boasts,
"I have never done my own laundry ever in my entire life!"

fhl41

OMG that is a good one lol. I was always amazed at how little he liked to do things for me. I did his taxes and asked if in return he could fix my brake light (i rarely ask for him to do things for me) he looked at the manual and that was about it. The world revolves around him PERIOD.

Doloresk13

For a few days I have been quitely stalking this site. My fiance, is a "functional" (and I use that term pretty darn loosely) alcoholic... this forum, I could relate to SO much of. Stuff like "when the baby comes I won't drink anymore" (I am currently 13 weeks pregnant), or "how do the kids know I drink" (dude, there are empty beer cans ALL over the house now), or "You have serious control issues. I can't drink, I can't watch porn, I can't go on fubar" (Seriously?!?, Hello you're an acoholic you shouldn't drink, hello wtf do you need to watch porn for while I have waited freaking five hours for you to come to bed, TO BE WITH ME, and hello fubar the site for drinking AND hooking up, gee why the hell would that be a bad idea). I have heard that he needs to drink because he needs to relax. I have heard I will quit. I have heard, how he only had one beer, or no beers. Just pretty much everything. And it's breaking my heart to see just how freaking typical he is. I have never been with an alcoholic, and I was so totally shocked by this, and shocked at how his curtain came down (it was very eventual) and then so much came to light, and he is currently trying once again to quit (it's only been 2 days), and he fought with me all last night, about how I am controlling him, and how he is afraid that when he is sober I will find something else to "nag" about, and even at one point told me I should go be a porn actress (all because I said, why is this movie on hbo, randy spears is a porn actor? when I saw his name on the credits, it is what set off this huge fight), which was really just an excuse to fight. How I have "loop holes" and I am a hypocrite, and all these things he says to justify his behavior. It makes me feel a little hopeless to read that all of you are going through the same thing.

wicked

Hello Deloresk13,
I am glad you are here. I hope you stay and read some of the stickies and keep getting knowledge from the people who have been where you are.

I am curious why it breaks your heart that he is a typical alcoholic?

Beth

Doloresk13

Because I still love him, but reading all of this, really makes me feel like there may be no hope for him ever recovering etc. I would love for my family to stay together, we have five kids between us, and our first baby together on the way, and that hurts knowing that he is this typical, to the point where I see all these things are said by exes, thereby not one of them got help etc. Does that make sense?

naive

xABF gets suspended license back after 3 DUIs.

xABF: so good to be driving again. it helps keep me off the drink.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

xABF: i'm not waiting out long. can't be bothered.

xABF (one hour later): i'm just leaving after this pint.

xABF (two hours later): i'm on my way home

xABF (three hours later): jim bought me a pint. i'll finish that, see you soon

xABF (four hours later): i'm back! only had two pints. one i bought and the one jim bought.

wicked

Oh yes, it does make sense. I am very sorry.
You can still take care of yourself.
All the blame shifting and taking no responsibility for himself, and blaming his future drinking on the possibility you will naghim while he is sober.
Find an Alanon group for yourself, and I know with five kids it would be difficult, but you will need the knowledge and the strength of the group to understand and get through this.
We are here for you, 24/7.
:ghug3

Beth

twolivestouched

" I am not drunk, just really tired" (this with a beer spilt on the floor and an empty fifth in the sock drawer.)
riiiigggghhht honey

twolivestouched

I found this site much by accident a week ago and it has been the greatest thing in the world for me. I have an alcoholic boyfriend, we have one son together who is 20 months old and we have joint custody of his 2 other kids.

For the first 24 hours after reading all of the stories here I was really depressed with my life and thought "how could I have been this stupid". But then I realized that it’s not stupidity-the folks on this site with similar stories are not stupid. So I started reading the sticky post and the 'understanding the steps' thread and realized how not alone I was. It has been liberating to know that there are others out there fighting this fight or who have won this battle.

I hope that you can find comfort, some strength, and your voice here with us!

celticgenes

"you should just tell me to shut the F up"! ie, I should be responsible for the garbage that comes out of his mouth when he's "angry".

My other fave rave "plenty of people have a drink now and then"

Sure, just NOT ALCOHOLICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

celticgenes

I love this thread. Reminds me just how QUACKY alcoholics can be. QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!! I needed a smile. Thanks, all

fourmaggie

do i need to find another duck?..i can not believe how far my thread has gone....

ooh god, one day i hope all the QUACKiness will stop...but i know it wont, because that is true DENIAL of this society....

keep QUACKING!!

fourmaggie

i just had to do it...

FedUpWith2Brats

I just need to unwind so I don't drive myself quackers.
You forced me to drink vodka so you couldn't smell it on my breath.
I had to stay longer than your ex to prove a point.
What's wrong with going to the bar an hour before it opens?
Brandy,Whiskey and Moonshine are NOT mixed drinks.

Well, I wound myself up and quacked my head on the door on the way out of his life!

Zoenob

I live in Atlanta and my XABF lives in LA. Told him repeatedly I am done with his alcoholism and drugs. I broke up with him. I told him I will not be in this unhealthy cycle of disrespect anymore and only contact me if he gets 90 days under his belt(5 weeks ago). He called me at my work yesterday like everything was hunky dory and all was normal. I calmly(kinda) reminded him about my boundaries and that I will not allow him to lie and disrespect me anymore. He was irate, so I hung up.

I get this message today at 6:30AM on my Facebook Account(the only thing I have not blocked him from. Thank G*d for all of you and SR. 6 months ago I would have fired back, instead I laughed and pictured all the ducks on this site, quack quack quack!

"Hey Zoenob, I understand that you need boundaries but not talking to me is just breaking us apart. I know that you want me to be sober. Why can't we talk if I'm sober. I think that I should be able to talk to you if I'm sober. That's fair isnt it? Can we do that. Being isolated from eachother is us like moving away from one another.Sometimes I would really like to talk to you and say something to you that would be good and I can't. I love you.Your boundary is to big."

Quack quack quack.

Krys

I've heard a lot lately. "It's the weekend I want to unwind" (he didn't have a job for over a year) "You don't want to have fun with me so I am having a party alone" "I am going through a hard time...I can stop whenever I want...I am stuck in here all day I am bored...but my all time favorite is (drum roll please) "I cut my finger."

Zoenob

My final breaking point was when I called him on Valentine's Day. He said he forgot to send me a card or anything and he was really sorry. I told him I was a little hurt, actually I wasn't, I knew I wouldn't get diddly squat from him and I didn't waste any money on him because I knew he wouldn't (which I feel very good about that break though). He spent 6 weeks with me over Christmas break sober, wet to AA almost everyday he was here with me, then got drunk in the airport before he even got on his plane to go home and hasn't stopped since. So anyway, 14 days later when I tell him I was a little hurt he forgot to send me a card on VDay he gives me this beautiful awe inspiring WTF surreal quack.

To me: "Omg dude, my roommate just got home and he just gave me a bulb."
To his Roommate: "What kind of bulb is it dude?"
Back to me: "Baby guess what? He said it's a tulip and so you know what?"
Me: "What?"
To me: "It's a tulip and so I am going to plant it in a pot, and then if it grows and blooms I will take a picture of it and send it(the picture) to you for Valentine's Day!"

Me- complete silence for 3 minutes while literally starring at the phone and then I calmly hung up, put the phone on the counter, and had to literally back away from the phone. I feel like I walked in on two aliens having sex in a room, shut the door, backed away and was like....OMG did I just see that?

Oh yeah, I'm still speechless over that twilight zone.

LMAO. What else can you do but laugh?

Krys

What would happen if it didn't grow? Would he have sent a picture of an empty pot? LMAO. Good lord that is a bad one!