QUACKERs....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Quacking from enabler MIL. "xAH didn't have any problems at all until he met you". SURRRRRREEEE!
This comes from the same woman who told me for years that I "expecte too much" from her baby (yup, used that word). When I'd point out that all I expected was not to be lied to and not to be accused of everything under the sun just bc I asked him to help out and be a partner as he vowed to me, she'd get quiet.
In the end she was absolutely right. I did expect too much. He is capable of giving nothing, taking everything and thinks the world owes him more than the rest of us. I wish I'd told her years ago she was right and just walked away from all of them far sooner than I did. Funny how perspective changes. I spent years trying to convince her that I did not expect too much bc I heard that statement as an accusation. Instead, I should have seen it as a statement of fact about how little he was able to give and agreed and moved on.
This comes from the same woman who told me for years that I "expecte too much" from her baby (yup, used that word). When I'd point out that all I expected was not to be lied to and not to be accused of everything under the sun just bc I asked him to help out and be a partner as he vowed to me, she'd get quiet.
In the end she was absolutely right. I did expect too much. He is capable of giving nothing, taking everything and thinks the world owes him more than the rest of us. I wish I'd told her years ago she was right and just walked away from all of them far sooner than I did. Funny how perspective changes. I spent years trying to convince her that I did not expect too much bc I heard that statement as an accusation. Instead, I should have seen it as a statement of fact about how little he was able to give and agreed and moved on.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Instead, I should have seen it as a statement of fact about how little he was able to give and agreed and moved on.
Ahhhhh, but (((((WTBH))))) if you had done that back then, you wouldn't have your beautiful D6 and D3. So maybe, HP's plan was for you to stay, have the two beauties, and in the process learn about YOU and work through YOUR issues. I know not a nice way to do it other than getting the two beauties, but I do believe our HP's know us best and 'know' how we will learn and when.
Just adding a little 'positive' to what I know for you has been a very 'negative' experience in many ways. Look how much you have learned about you and changed about you in the past year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow, you have grown so much!!!!
Keep moving forward, you are doing great!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Heard from my XABF after our SECOND time being together 44 years after our first parting of the ways:
"I was this way at 20 years old and I am still the same."
My thought was "No asshat you were not this way back then, you are much worse now, as is your drinking. I'm gone).
Took me ten months of 4 to 6 week visits at a time, to watch and see the 'curtain'+ come down and the 'real' alcoholic behaviors to start to rear their ugly heads.
My last words to him in October 2011 right before I boarded the plane to come home were:
"My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with a practicing alcoholic. My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with an alcoholic in recovery until they have at least 3 to years of continuous sobriety using some type of program. My boundary is I cannot be with nor live with someone who lies, and that is all you have done is lie to me. GOOD BYE."
And I boarded the plane.
Now he continued to try and call almost every day for over weeks then went to a couple of times a week, and then to a month or two and now it has been months with no calls from any of his numbers.
Even with all my 'recovery' it still took me 10 months to realize that I was back on the roller coaster. Sheesh
After that, I made the decision that I do NOT need a male companion in my life. My association with A's will only be the ones I sponsor and a few family members that I keep very limited contact with.
I like living alone and only have me and the fur kids to pick up after. I like having my friends not live in my home, lol I am very comfortable with me today.
Love and hugs,
"I was this way at 20 years old and I am still the same."
My thought was "No asshat you were not this way back then, you are much worse now, as is your drinking. I'm gone).
Took me ten months of 4 to 6 week visits at a time, to watch and see the 'curtain'+ come down and the 'real' alcoholic behaviors to start to rear their ugly heads.
My last words to him in October 2011 right before I boarded the plane to come home were:
"My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with a practicing alcoholic. My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with an alcoholic in recovery until they have at least 3 to years of continuous sobriety using some type of program. My boundary is I cannot be with nor live with someone who lies, and that is all you have done is lie to me. GOOD BYE."
And I boarded the plane.
Now he continued to try and call almost every day for over weeks then went to a couple of times a week, and then to a month or two and now it has been months with no calls from any of his numbers.
Even with all my 'recovery' it still took me 10 months to realize that I was back on the roller coaster. Sheesh
After that, I made the decision that I do NOT need a male companion in my life. My association with A's will only be the ones I sponsor and a few family members that I keep very limited contact with.
I like living alone and only have me and the fur kids to pick up after. I like having my friends not live in my home, lol I am very comfortable with me today.
Love and hugs,
I AM CANADIAN
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by laurie6781 
"My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with a practicing alcoholic. My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with an alcoholic in recovery until they have at least 3 to years of continuous sobriety using some type of program. My boundary is I cannot be with nor live with someone who lies, and that is all you have done is lie to me. GOOD BYE."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
during a time when xABF and i were split up, he took a lover for a few months. she was a heavy drinker and they were drunk their entire relationship. i have never met her nor spoken one word to her.
stupidly, i took him back. months later, it is reported to us that she rarely leaves the house anymore, she just sits in it, drinking all the time.
he turns to me and says "now, look what you've done to her!"
stupidly, i took him back. months later, it is reported to us that she rarely leaves the house anymore, she just sits in it, drinking all the time.
he turns to me and says "now, look what you've done to her!"
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Mpls., MN
Posts: 20
I have heard this quack from the A, "I only drink beer."
And this one is a good one, "When I was in treatment (it was a program that he did not have to go over nite for), the other men there just wanted a job from me." (He has his own business.) I have no idea why this would keep a person from going to treatment but I guess.....
And this one is a good one, "When I was in treatment (it was a program that he did not have to go over nite for), the other men there just wanted a job from me." (He has his own business.) I have no idea why this would keep a person from going to treatment but I guess.....
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
"I just like to have a good time. You don't." — ABF
If good time is defined at sitting at your alcoholic dad/enabler mom's house getting wasted, being loud, slurring, acting obnoxious, making no sense, repeating yourself, interrupting others and then driving home, no, I don't like to have a good time!
If good time is defined at sitting at your alcoholic dad/enabler mom's house getting wasted, being loud, slurring, acting obnoxious, making no sense, repeating yourself, interrupting others and then driving home, no, I don't like to have a good time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
Well I have a fresh one from "R" ExAB (in AA with sponsor in step 9 I'll refrain from my opinion):
"I'm afraid to ask but are you dating ?" (I left him 6 weeks ago and my turns on the merry go round)
Since in didn't reply he then quacks "I'll take your silence as a yes"
Stilli don't reply he then quacks "I need to let you go move on and start dating too"
Hence my "R" for recovery...last time I checked dating wasn't part of a recovery program after 6 white knuckling months. QUACK ATTACK.
:rotfxko
"I'm afraid to ask but are you dating ?" (I left him 6 weeks ago and my turns on the merry go round)
Since in didn't reply he then quacks "I'll take your silence as a yes"
Stilli don't reply he then quacks "I need to let you go move on and start dating too"
Hence my "R" for recovery...last time I checked dating wasn't part of a recovery program after 6 white knuckling months. QUACK ATTACK.
:rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
I've heard some typical ones from my XABF.
'I'm just going out for a COUPLE of drinks with the boys. I'm not gonna get wrecked tonight'.
Of course, i don't see him until 2pm the next afternoon, totally wasted and angry for no reason.
'I don't drink every day, so i'm not an alchoholic'
*rolls eyes*
'If you made sure you cooked for me every day like a good woman should, then i will stop drinking' - bearing in mind i didn't even live with him. *Rolls eyes again*.
'I only take cocaine when i drink because it helps stop me feeling as drunk so i can continue to drink more for longer' - And this is a good thing because???
'I work harder than anyone else, and work longer hours. Therefore i can relax any way i like. If you worked as hard as i do, then you can talk to me'. - That made me laugh.
I have more but these were the most obvious ones.
'I'm just going out for a COUPLE of drinks with the boys. I'm not gonna get wrecked tonight'.
Of course, i don't see him until 2pm the next afternoon, totally wasted and angry for no reason.
'I don't drink every day, so i'm not an alchoholic'
*rolls eyes*
'If you made sure you cooked for me every day like a good woman should, then i will stop drinking' - bearing in mind i didn't even live with him. *Rolls eyes again*.
'I only take cocaine when i drink because it helps stop me feeling as drunk so i can continue to drink more for longer' - And this is a good thing because???
'I work harder than anyone else, and work longer hours. Therefore i can relax any way i like. If you worked as hard as i do, then you can talk to me'. - That made me laugh.
I have more but these were the most obvious ones.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 159
Originally Posted by laurie6781
Heard from my XABF after our SECOND time being together 44 years after our first parting of the ways:
"I was this way at 20 years old and I am still the same."
My thought was "No asshat you were not this way back then, you are much worse now, as is your drinking. I'm gone).
Took me ten months of 4 to 6 week visits at a time, to watch and see the 'curtain'+ come down and the 'real' alcoholic behaviors to start to rear their ugly heads.
My last words to him in October 2011 right before I boarded the plane to come home were:
"My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with a practicing alcoholic. My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with an alcoholic in recovery until they have at least 3 to years of continuous sobriety using some type of program. My boundary is I cannot be with nor live with someone who lies, and that is all you have done is lie to me. GOOD BYE."
And I boarded the plane.
Now he continued to try and call almost every day for over weeks then went to a couple of times a week, and then to a month or two and now it has been months with no calls from any of his numbers.
Even with all my 'recovery' it still took me 10 months to realize that I was back on the roller coaster. Sheesh
After that, I made the decision that I do NOT need a male companion in my life. My association with A's will only be the ones I sponsor and a few family members that I keep very limited contact with.
I like living alone and only have me and the fur kids to pick up after. I like having my friends not live in my home, lol I am very comfortable with me today.
Love and hugs,
"I was this way at 20 years old and I am still the same."
My thought was "No asshat you were not this way back then, you are much worse now, as is your drinking. I'm gone).
Took me ten months of 4 to 6 week visits at a time, to watch and see the 'curtain'+ come down and the 'real' alcoholic behaviors to start to rear their ugly heads.
My last words to him in October 2011 right before I boarded the plane to come home were:
"My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with a practicing alcoholic. My boundary is that I cannot be with nor live with an alcoholic in recovery until they have at least 3 to years of continuous sobriety using some type of program. My boundary is I cannot be with nor live with someone who lies, and that is all you have done is lie to me. GOOD BYE."
And I boarded the plane.
Now he continued to try and call almost every day for over weeks then went to a couple of times a week, and then to a month or two and now it has been months with no calls from any of his numbers.
Even with all my 'recovery' it still took me 10 months to realize that I was back on the roller coaster. Sheesh
After that, I made the decision that I do NOT need a male companion in my life. My association with A's will only be the ones I sponsor and a few family members that I keep very limited contact with.
I like living alone and only have me and the fur kids to pick up after. I like having my friends not live in my home, lol I am very comfortable with me today.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
AH: "I'll admit that I have some issues, but so do you. IF I decide to change, how do I KNOW that you will stop X, Y, Z (insert all of the usual - controlling, nagging, more sex, be more fun, etc)? It feels like such a gamble to just assume you will change if I do. Why do I have to be the bigger person and change first?"
Another one...
AH: (shows up unannounced at my door days after I move out) "I just wanted to stop by to tell you how sorry I am and that I want you to move back in."
Me: "Ok, why do you want me to move back in? What has changed? What is different there for me?"
AH: "I just really miss you and want you there."
Doesn't this sound like someone ready for recovery?!
Another one...
AH: (shows up unannounced at my door days after I move out) "I just wanted to stop by to tell you how sorry I am and that I want you to move back in."
Me: "Ok, why do you want me to move back in? What has changed? What is different there for me?"
AH: "I just really miss you and want you there."
Doesn't this sound like someone ready for recovery?!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
I am no contact with the XA and to reinforce the no contact I changed my ringtone on my iphone to a duck... when he calls all I hear is Quack, Quack, Quack and I think of this thread! Extremely effective and I haven't picked up once!
My A decided to step up his now month long binge by flying to Vegas where the bars never close and has been staying plastered 24/7 and leaving me lots of voicemails. He is extremely frustrated that he cannot manipulate me as I refuse to pick up the phone... so he had to dream this one up...
Quack, quack, quack (Your A is calling)... I don't pickup but listen to voicemail
Voicemail: Slurred, drunken voice says:
" I won a hundred grand! I won a hundred thousand dollars! I am going to give it to you to give away! I want to build wells for kids with you... call me right away! (my favorite charity is Living Water International)
I obviously don't fall for that... if he won a hundred grand he wouldn't be calling me he would getting the penthouse and a limo and loading up some showgirls...lol
So... he butcalls me a few hours later and I get to hear him singing along with the band "I don't know where I am gonna go when the volcano blows" very, very drunkenly and screaming out to everyone at the bar" Rock and Roll" !
I know where he won't be when the volcano blows... he isn't gonna be with me!
Keep on quacking in Vegas where the drunks never sleep!
My A decided to step up his now month long binge by flying to Vegas where the bars never close and has been staying plastered 24/7 and leaving me lots of voicemails. He is extremely frustrated that he cannot manipulate me as I refuse to pick up the phone... so he had to dream this one up...
Quack, quack, quack (Your A is calling)... I don't pickup but listen to voicemail
Voicemail: Slurred, drunken voice says:
" I won a hundred grand! I won a hundred thousand dollars! I am going to give it to you to give away! I want to build wells for kids with you... call me right away! (my favorite charity is Living Water International)
I obviously don't fall for that... if he won a hundred grand he wouldn't be calling me he would getting the penthouse and a limo and loading up some showgirls...lol
So... he butcalls me a few hours later and I get to hear him singing along with the band "I don't know where I am gonna go when the volcano blows" very, very drunkenly and screaming out to everyone at the bar" Rock and Roll" !
I know where he won't be when the volcano blows... he isn't gonna be with me!
Keep on quacking in Vegas where the drunks never sleep!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
Not sure if this qualifies as a quack, but one of my new favorites is when I ask AH if he did a specific task that he agreed to do. Anyhow, when I ask him to confirm that he did it (for example, he was supposed to give our cat his afternoon meds after taking him to the vet today because I was traveling), I get an angry "No, I forgot so there is ONE MORE THING for you to tell me I did wrong and b*tch about! I bet you are so excited to rub it in my face, etc" Meanwhile, I'm so used to it and have set the bar so low that I'm not even expecting anything from him at this point... or saying a word! I just wanted to know if I need to give him the medicine now that I'm home (and yes, we are still living apart - he picked him up and took him to the vet since i was traveling).
Love it how THEY can screw something up 100% on their own, and then get mad at us for it... but as I type this, I guess that pretty much sums up alcoholism in a nutshell!
Love it how THEY can screw something up 100% on their own, and then get mad at us for it... but as I type this, I guess that pretty much sums up alcoholism in a nutshell!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 164
I had to add some more lol...
I don't have a problem because I'm a” happy drunk” (he’s actually obnoxious when he drinks and he only "thinks" he’s happy and funny)
I don't want to go to AA I am not like those losers.
I only like to drink vodka because it’s not as "filling" as beer.
My last wife used to nag me allot about my drinking so i drank more ... but i wouldn’t do that to you sweety it was becasue she was such a b*tch (ya right she was probably fed up with him and his drinking)
All of my buddies at work drink the same amount as I do, it’s “normal”.
I’m only going to tie one on because its SuperBowl, or its Christmas, or I’m having problems at work, or the neighbours coming over, etc etc. Always a different reason.
I only drink more than you because I weigh more than you.
I’ve cut down allot since I met you, I would only do that for you.
I don't have a problem because I'm a” happy drunk” (he’s actually obnoxious when he drinks and he only "thinks" he’s happy and funny)
I don't want to go to AA I am not like those losers.
I only like to drink vodka because it’s not as "filling" as beer.
My last wife used to nag me allot about my drinking so i drank more ... but i wouldn’t do that to you sweety it was becasue she was such a b*tch (ya right she was probably fed up with him and his drinking)
All of my buddies at work drink the same amount as I do, it’s “normal”.
I’m only going to tie one on because its SuperBowl, or its Christmas, or I’m having problems at work, or the neighbours coming over, etc etc. Always a different reason.
I only drink more than you because I weigh more than you.
I’ve cut down allot since I met you, I would only do that for you.
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