QUACKERs....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Another quack...
After making nasty faces at me and mouthing 'shut up' and a variety of less pleasant things than that to me at a school family picnic I finally said 'please stop, the girls don't need to be subjected to this' and his response:
"I am making a conscious effort to send you non-verbal messages to let you know my feelings. My T says I should express myself and bc I am doing it non verbally the girls aren't aware of what I'm doing and it's not impacting them".
I turned away and honestly had to stifle a laugh and a desire to scream QUAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!
After making nasty faces at me and mouthing 'shut up' and a variety of less pleasant things than that to me at a school family picnic I finally said 'please stop, the girls don't need to be subjected to this' and his response:
"I am making a conscious effort to send you non-verbal messages to let you know my feelings. My T says I should express myself and bc I am doing it non verbally the girls aren't aware of what I'm doing and it's not impacting them".
I turned away and honestly had to stifle a laugh and a desire to scream QUAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Wanttobehealthy, that is a really good one!
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!!!
A joke: A duck walks into a store and says "Hey buddy, got any corn?"
The store owner says "No, duck, and if you don't leave now I'll nail your flat feet to the floor!
The next day the duck walks in and says "Hey buddy, got any nails?"
The store owner says "Well...no...we don't carry nails."
To which the duck says "QUACK! Got any corn?"
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!!!
A joke: A duck walks into a store and says "Hey buddy, got any corn?"
The store owner says "No, duck, and if you don't leave now I'll nail your flat feet to the floor!
The next day the duck walks in and says "Hey buddy, got any nails?"
The store owner says "Well...no...we don't carry nails."
To which the duck says "QUACK! Got any corn?"
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy 
"I am making a conscious effort to send you non-verbal messages to let you know my feelings. My T says I should express myself and bc I am doing it non verbally the girls aren't aware of what I'm doing and it's not impacting them".
What I have done (particularly to show my children!!) is to say it once, "That face/the words you are making/saying is disrespectful to me. If you continue to act that way, I will walk away." And then when he does it again... I follow through and walk away. Since I started that, I have witnessed my children using the same "boundary setting" statements with each other... and it's AMAZING!! It's so healthy - and they no longer stand and scream at each other - "STOP IT! STOP IT!! PLEASE - STOP IT!!" They have learned they are powerless over the other's words/actions... and if it's unacceptable and continues... walk away :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by GettingBy
OH WTBH... I'm sad to hear that kind of crap. I've wrangled with those same issues with my AH - disrespecting me in front of the kids. And guess what, douchebag, the kids ARE aware of the crap you are pulling!!!
What I have done (particularly to show my children!!) is to say it once, "That face/the words you are making/saying is disrespectful to me. If you continue to act that way, I will walk away." And then when he does it again... I follow through and walk away. Since I started that, I have witnessed my children using the same "boundary setting" statements with each other... and it's AMAZING!! It's so healthy - and they no longer stand and scream at each other - "STOP IT! STOP IT!! PLEASE - STOP IT!!" They have learned they are powerless over the other's words/actions... and if it's unacceptable and continues... walk away :-)
What I have done (particularly to show my children!!) is to say it once, "That face/the words you are making/saying is disrespectful to me. If you continue to act that way, I will walk away." And then when he does it again... I follow through and walk away. Since I started that, I have witnessed my children using the same "boundary setting" statements with each other... and it's AMAZING!! It's so healthy - and they no longer stand and scream at each other - "STOP IT! STOP IT!! PLEASE - STOP IT!!" They have learned they are powerless over the other's words/actions... and if it's unacceptable and continues... walk away :-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
Me finding an empty Vodka bottle- 'you planted that'
A half empty bottle of wine in her bag at work- 'I found it and was going to put it in the bin'
Being turned away from an Airport- ' I had had 3 Irish Coffees with a neighbour'
Don't worry folks I don't look anymore!
A half empty bottle of wine in her bag at work- 'I found it and was going to put it in the bin'
Being turned away from an Airport- ' I had had 3 Irish Coffees with a neighbour'
Don't worry folks I don't look anymore!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Want to Be... It's incredible isn't it!! Ugh.
Breaking Glass... I heard BOTH of those too!!
"I've tried AA, i'm not going back, I don't need to, i'm not like THEM."
And when he was playing the sympathy role:
"It doesn't matter, you don't want to be a part of my life anyway..."
Breaking Glass... I heard BOTH of those too!!
"I've tried AA, i'm not going back, I don't need to, i'm not like THEM."
And when he was playing the sympathy role:
"It doesn't matter, you don't want to be a part of my life anyway..."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: columbus ohio
Posts: 59
I have two more.
Me: What are your future plans for drinking?
xabf: I drink O'Douls.
Me: Really.
xabf: Yes! I told the bartender to open it behind the bar, pour it in a glass, and serve it to me like that. It looks classy and no one knows I'm not drinking real alcohol.
******
xabf: I would NEVER give up on you like you gave up on me! At the worst time ever! My mom has cancer, my friend died last night (he left out because of drunk driving), and we split. I have the trifecta.
Me: (saying nothing)
xabf: I know you're facing hip surgery in the future and I would never give up on you because of that! (I'm 41 years old)
Me: Quack, quack.
xabf: What? I think my phone is acting up.
Me: What are your future plans for drinking?
xabf: I drink O'Douls.
Me: Really.
xabf: Yes! I told the bartender to open it behind the bar, pour it in a glass, and serve it to me like that. It looks classy and no one knows I'm not drinking real alcohol.
******
xabf: I would NEVER give up on you like you gave up on me! At the worst time ever! My mom has cancer, my friend died last night (he left out because of drunk driving), and we split. I have the trifecta.
Me: (saying nothing)
xabf: I know you're facing hip surgery in the future and I would never give up on you because of that! (I'm 41 years old)
Me: Quack, quack.
xabf: What? I think my phone is acting up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 11
I'm still fairly new here- so It's nice to see how some of you find humor in this. It's still pretty painful for me, but I'm hoping that with time, I'll come around. 
I hear these ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. An I am so sick of it:
"I am an alcoholic because you bitch all of the time"
"All you do is argue, so I drink"
"Why do you care what I do?"
"My drinking has nothing to do with you!"
"I'm only going to have a 'couple of beers'" (yeah- he comes home the next day)
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Big difference"
And my personal two favorites:
"Every drink I drink, I hope you know, I think of you" and
"You're the one who ruined this family (him referring to a one nighter I had when we broke up almost 2 years ago) so, I have nothing left so I drink"<---- That one does hurt. And he knows it, so he says it a lot.
*sigh*..b ut I do see a common theme here in this thread...and I don't feel so alone in this.
I hear these ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time. An I am so sick of it:
"I am an alcoholic because you bitch all of the time"
"All you do is argue, so I drink"
"Why do you care what I do?"
"My drinking has nothing to do with you!"
"I'm only going to have a 'couple of beers'" (yeah- he comes home the next day)
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Big difference"
And my personal two favorites:
"Every drink I drink, I hope you know, I think of you" and
"You're the one who ruined this family (him referring to a one nighter I had when we broke up almost 2 years ago) so, I have nothing left so I drink"<---- That one does hurt. And he knows it, so he says it a lot.
*sigh*..b ut I do see a common theme here in this thread...and I don't feel so alone in this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Welcome Rocky- It is remarkable isn't it, the way they can't remember their promises, make themselves act like decent human beings (bc they believe they are only hurting themselves- yeah right) and yet they can zing like no one else I've ever met with their words and know JUST what to say and what weaknesses to prey upon to make us crumble.
My AH is nastier with his word than I can describe (though I suspect you know exactly what I'm describing) and he goes for the jugular everytime. I have a few big triggers I guess you'd call them-- things my abusive & mentally ill mother would say to me as a kid, that AH says and tells me my mother was right all along... And those things are the hardest.
I don't know that I'll ever get to a point where the words don't hurt- right now I am just working on not reacting. One friend told me that her T suggested that you do the opposite of what you are feeling in those moments. So when you want to crumble and bawl, fake as best you can a smile and try to not let him see how much it gets to you. I still don't know that I buy this as a good strategy but I figure I may as well try it since bawling and begging him to please stop being so mean has never worked. Better yet, I am limiting my face to face contact with him and not planning on giving him many more opportunities to say these things to me.
Hang in there. Glad you're here.
My AH is nastier with his word than I can describe (though I suspect you know exactly what I'm describing) and he goes for the jugular everytime. I have a few big triggers I guess you'd call them-- things my abusive & mentally ill mother would say to me as a kid, that AH says and tells me my mother was right all along... And those things are the hardest.
I don't know that I'll ever get to a point where the words don't hurt- right now I am just working on not reacting. One friend told me that her T suggested that you do the opposite of what you are feeling in those moments. So when you want to crumble and bawl, fake as best you can a smile and try to not let him see how much it gets to you. I still don't know that I buy this as a good strategy but I figure I may as well try it since bawling and begging him to please stop being so mean has never worked. Better yet, I am limiting my face to face contact with him and not planning on giving him many more opportunities to say these things to me.
Hang in there. Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
My AH's biggest quack is what he wouldn't say!
He would be acting angry and slamming things, just a bit, and treading heavy, just a bit, so that I would notice he was angry about something. I would ask him what he was angry about and he would look at me, intensely, and after a minute or so would open his mouth as if about to speak, catch himself and then say "no" as if whatever it was it was soooo awful he couldn't even say it aloud. And then he would walk away.
In the old days I would follow him around "Tell meeeeee!" "Whaaat?" "Did I do something?"
The new me doesn't ask him what's bugging him. I just go on with whatever I was doing and let him stew. At first I was pretending I was not anxious to find out what was going on with him, now I don't even wonder at all.
(I know this must seem minor to those of you that get verbally and physically abused, which is not my experience at all, and I apologize for seeming trite. It is frustrating though.)
He would be acting angry and slamming things, just a bit, and treading heavy, just a bit, so that I would notice he was angry about something. I would ask him what he was angry about and he would look at me, intensely, and after a minute or so would open his mouth as if about to speak, catch himself and then say "no" as if whatever it was it was soooo awful he couldn't even say it aloud. And then he would walk away.
In the old days I would follow him around "Tell meeeeee!" "Whaaat?" "Did I do something?"
The new me doesn't ask him what's bugging him. I just go on with whatever I was doing and let him stew. At first I was pretending I was not anxious to find out what was going on with him, now I don't even wonder at all.
(I know this must seem minor to those of you that get verbally and physically abused, which is not my experience at all, and I apologize for seeming trite. It is frustrating though.)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
How about ...
"I am not an alcoholic because I only drink beer"
"I only had two-three-four beers" ((I quit trying to explain to him that a 32 ounce bottle of beer is not ONE but more like THREE))
QUACK
Or ... You make me drink ((To which I now reply, you were drunk the day I met you, and perpetually messed up on something every day ever since))
"I am not an alcoholic because I only drink beer"
"I only had two-three-four beers" ((I quit trying to explain to him that a 32 ounce bottle of beer is not ONE but more like THREE))
QUACK
Or ... You make me drink ((To which I now reply, you were drunk the day I met you, and perpetually messed up on something every day ever since))
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
How about, well if you had the problems in life I have you would drink too.
And this is for smokers I already gave up drinking and drugging now you want me to give up cigs too? Quack Quack
And this is for smokers I already gave up drinking and drugging now you want me to give up cigs too? Quack Quack
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
"You don't want to clean up my vomit and excrement whilst dealing with erratic behaviour and verbal abuse? Why must you be so judgemental? My last partner was judgemental too."
Always nice to have a character flaw identified. Thanks AH!
Always nice to have a character flaw identified. Thanks AH!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: England
Posts: 116
Conversation with XAH on returning home after an AA meeting.
Him- ' You know, I think I'm not an A'
Me- ' Oh ,what do you think is wrong then'
Him- ' I think I have psychiatric problems'
Me- 'Well in the mean-time and after you have stayed awake all night trying to work it out which one is wrong with you'- I'm going to bed,let me know which one it is in the morning',cause I'm really tired.
Another time- My brother and my friend say I'm not an A,(his brother who is yellow,tells him he did have an A problem but not anymore)and his friend who wakes up every hour to have a can beer,says he just likes drinking,and that he's not an A)
Me- 'REALLY' me 'smiling at him'
Such is life
Him- ' You know, I think I'm not an A'
Me- ' Oh ,what do you think is wrong then'
Him- ' I think I have psychiatric problems'
Me- 'Well in the mean-time and after you have stayed awake all night trying to work it out which one is wrong with you'- I'm going to bed,let me know which one it is in the morning',cause I'm really tired.
Another time- My brother and my friend say I'm not an A,(his brother who is yellow,tells him he did have an A problem but not anymore)and his friend who wakes up every hour to have a can beer,says he just likes drinking,and that he's not an A)
Me- 'REALLY' me 'smiling at him'
Such is life
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