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QUACKERs....

Old 08-27-2011, 03:40 PM
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My personal favourite

Go get more booze and I will have sex with you.

She used that one on me quite a lot in the beginning, not that I got the sex she usually fell asleep and I was sad enough to fall for it. I only wanted her to be normal.
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Old 08-27-2011, 03:41 PM
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Just read the one about the burger, her stomach upsets are always down to my cooking not her drinking.
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Old 08-27-2011, 04:50 PM
  # 243 (permalink)  
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"The dog is getting fat so only one of us should feed the dog. So I'll be the only one to feed the dog from now on."

Translation: the vodka bottle is in the big dog food bag
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:00 PM
  # 244 (permalink)  
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recently ran into my A/NA on the highway...him screaming at me " I want our friendship back".....

I have not heard a peep out of him since that day..that was 3 weeks ago....

ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS...

thanks everyone for always posting on this QUACKER thread...it was one of my pet peeves hearing from the IN LAWs after my husband died....once a QUACK always A QUACKER
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Old 08-28-2011, 04:27 PM
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AH - "got any tums, I don't know what's wrong with me" or "I think I've got the flu".
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:17 PM
  # 246 (permalink)  
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"I think I can forgive you, but you have to be the one to fix this."

Oh really??...
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:30 AM
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"there's a flu going around at work. Everyone feels this way."
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:12 AM
  # 248 (permalink)  
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My ex could have broken some kind of record for the number and strains of "flu" he had, along with the number of "colds" as well. When I asked him why he didn't go to the doctor, it was never "serious" enough to warrant that.

Then I would ask why he was always well enough to go into work, but not come over and spend time with me, I was always told that since he only had to walk 10 minutes to work, the fresh air usually helped him shake whatever bug he had, but, in order to come and spend time with me, he would have to take the bus (he lost his license for 2 DUIS) and would probably pick up another bug, and he didn't want to infect me.

What it really boiled down to was the fact that he knew that my place was alcohol free and if he were to come and spend a few days here, there was no drinking allowed, so the old "flu" or "cold" excuse got a lot of use. Eventually, I caught on, told him to feel better and stopped asking him over.
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Old 09-02-2011, 11:30 AM
  # 249 (permalink)  
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Oh, yes. I have heard many of these :rotfxko

Him: I feel like I'm getting fat.
Me: You aren't. But if you want to make changes maybe you could not drink so many beers. Roughly 900-1200+ calories a night on beer can add up after a time.
Him: No, I think I just need to eat less. (hmmmm, he eats normally if not less than as it is...)

"I enjoy drinking, why should I stop doing something that I enjoy."

Him: What's my motivation for not drinking tonight?
me: Your daughter and I aren't enough of a reason?
Him: No! I need something more concrete!

Then there's the excuses (it's friday, it's the weekend, it's tuesday, I feel like crap, I need to relax, I want to celebrate etc.) There's always a reason.
The blaming (if we had more sex, if you were more affectionate, you need to just loosen up etc.)

And my all time favorite: I just don't get enough "me" time! (and with that "me" time all he would do is drink)

*sigh* it's no wonder we laugh at these! They are ridiculous! :rotfxko

if I had more time alone
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:55 PM
  # 250 (permalink)  
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I am adding this from my other post since you all think it's a good Quack worth memorializing:

My husband, when asked why he purchased vodka:

"I bought all that vodka for the emergency survival bags I made (he recently made these bags with flashlights, matches, etc for us to grab in case of armageddon, LOL --- yes, alcoholics can become paranoid!). Vodka is really handy because it can be used medicinally as an antiseptic. It can also be used for trade in case money no longer has value."

What a relief to know that I can hoard vodka and live well when End Days come! Phew!
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Old 09-02-2011, 06:22 PM
  # 251 (permalink)  
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This is so funny that I am crying with sadness... I know, the truth hurts...

How about this conversation: upon waking up EVERY morning, my A says "I have a headache" or "my neck (back, legs, shoulder... insert whole body) hurts and I am nauseous". Me in reply: "Do you think it could be a hangover?...you are probably dehydrated." A reply: "Dehydrated? Are you crazy? I drank a whole glass of water!" Me: "When?" Answer: "Yesterday!"

It's like a broken record... or the "voice" of Charlie Brown's teacher: Waah-waa-waa!
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:47 PM
  # 252 (permalink)  
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While thinking about the past, I remembered another one, and had to post it here.

XABF: We have to get to the liquor store before they close today.
Me: I thought you were finally quitting drinking.
XABF: Detoxing is dangerous! I'll just buy a little bit... That way I can cut down a little at a time. I'll have four shots tomorrow, then two the day after, and I should be good.
<A little later>
XABF (to clerk in liquor store): Three half-pint bottles of Seagram's 7, please. No... Better make that four. And that bottle of Jack Daniel's over there, too.
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:30 AM
  # 253 (permalink)  
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He woke up this morning and the first thing he said was "My head hurts."

I replied with, well you did drink 3 bottles of wine yesterday...


to which he said, "I weigh 250lbs. so I can drink more."



O_o
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:54 AM
  # 254 (permalink)  
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Quacking from the AXBF:

"I binged because I hated living in the house that you co-own with your ex. If we had a place that was truly ours, I wouldn't have been so upset and relapsed." (He is now living alone in his own apartment...and drinking.)

"I'm breaking up with you because I need focus on my recovery and you add too much stress to my life." (We have now been apart for two months, he's stressed out, he quit AA...and he's drinking.)

"Once I get a new job in my field, I will feel good about myself again and not drink." (He's got a new job in his field...and he's drinking.)

"My commute is so stressful that I had to drink last night." (His commute is stressful because he has no license due to DUI, and he deals with it...by drinking.)

"I have to distance myself from my family because they drive me crazy and I find it hard to be with them without drinking." (So this weekend, he makes plans to hang out with his brother both yesterday and today, and called me last night to cancel our dinner plans because he was at his brother's...drinking.)
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:49 PM
  # 255 (permalink)  
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Another classic quack from my AH:

"I only own that flask because I bought it when you got into fox hunting [on horseback]. It's only because of YOU and your damn horses that I even own a flask."

I went on a fox hunt ONCE 15 years ago. My husband owns probably 10 flasks, some antique, some very expensive, all 'collectible' and 'valuable' and 'investment quality' antiques that he assures me I can sell and make great profits off of if ever he dies. LOL.
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:51 PM
  # 256 (permalink)  
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Ah Soaring how could you make him do that?? :rotfxko
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Old 09-20-2011, 09:15 PM
  # 257 (permalink)  
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How's this one? After my first confrontation with him about drinking alcohol somewhere else or staying with me sober, I got this letter. All names have been changed to protect the identities of the Quacker and Quackee!

Dear Quacker,
From Halvsie the Dictator!!
I make ALL the money and own ALL of the house so what I say goes!

p.s. Have a happy 40th F******* Booze Free Birthday Party!
(there was an arrow, yes an arrow, with the word "over", to turn the page over)
p.s.s. And I will gossip about you behind your back with ALL my friends and we will laugh about you behind your back! (yes, he repeated the 'behind your back' part 2x)

I calmly took the letter upstairs to return it, with a solemn statement of "I love you too much to argue." A minute later I get an email on my phone:

Dear Quacker,
From Halvsie the Dictator
We'll argue ONLY when I want to argue!
signed, Halvsie the Dictator

p.s. (yes, another one) from Quacker: can I go pee now?

Now it's been 3 weeks since he's moved out:
Quacker: But I've been doing really well. I haven't drank any alcohol for a month!
Dictator: Um, yeah, you haven't been gone for a month. Two weeks ago you were drunk when you came and got some of your clothes.
Quacker: Oh, yeah. Ok. I haven't drank any alcohol in September. (it was only the two week mark.....how do you know if an alcoholic is lying? Their LIPS are moving.)
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Old 09-21-2011, 06:36 PM
  # 258 (permalink)  
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I forgot this one. It has to do with helping with household chores. Since I was the breadwinner and he was home "working" on FB.

Me: Could you vacuum the stairs? They haven't been cleaned in a year and a half.
xabf: I can't. I'm afraid of heights.

QUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCK!
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:49 PM
  # 259 (permalink)  
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Mine once said to me ....

"It's fine, the liver is the only human organ that can repair itself".

I wish I was kidding.
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Old 09-22-2011, 03:51 AM
  # 260 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kittyboo View Post
Mine once said to me ....

"It's fine, the liver is the only human organ that can repair itself".

I wish I was kidding.
I was told this too!

I was also told that there's NO history of cirrhosis (due to the drinking) or lung or any kind of cancer (from the smoking) in his family so even though they can be deadly for other people, they are just bad choices on his part but not dangerous health wise.

* His father is dying from a million different ailments all alcohol induced (his intestines have holes in them apparently, he can't control any bladder or bowel issues, he slurs his speech and seems to have wet brain (is that the expression?)... but no one mentions the LIVER so apparently his dad's health is all attributable to age and has nothing to do with alcohol (his dad is in his mid 60's fyi and looks about 100)
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