Hello, my name is Denise and I'm losing my mind...

Old 01-15-2011, 07:39 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
what mind?
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deniseatx's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
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Hello, my name is Denise and I'm losing my mind...

Hi everyone~
I just wanted to introduce myself. My husband is an alcoholic. I live with him, our 19 year old daughter and 14 year old son. Our son is bipolar with anxiety and adhd. We have been married 15 years and he has drank the whole time. I must have been blind when I married him because he drank then too. He works, he only drinks after work. (woo hoo right?) Now that it is the New Year...he is only drinking on the weekends which means he is drinking fri-sat-sun evenings/nights. Of course it will start to spill over into a monday, tues, etc soon, it always does.
He goes to work. I do everything, yard, car, laundry, paying bills, cooking, making all the medical decisions for our son...I do mean I do everything. I'm tired ....I'm lonely... I want him gone but financially I can't do it. I feel like a rat in a cage.
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Old 01-15-2011, 08:26 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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hi welcome to SR do make yourself at home here and read read and read as much as u i did and still do find the posts and stickies here invaluable.

Do u have family near to u that u could maybe go stay with maybe not forever just so u can clear your head living with the insanity of an alcoholic sends u a bit nutty with them and it may just give u some clarity and peace of mind, if not family then maybe friends anyone where u could just stay with your son hope things get better for u *hugs* xxxxkia
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Old 01-15-2011, 08:45 AM
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welcome, Denise.
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Old 01-15-2011, 08:48 AM
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I think most of us here have already lost our minds.

But we're getting better.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:55 AM
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Welcome to the SR family!

We are glad you are here. You will find lots of support and information here.

I understand what it is like living with an active alcoholic. One that promises to cut back, but inevitably fails. The cycle continued and my resentments were mounting.

I was married for 14 years. I was a SAHM for 12 of those years. It took time for me to learn to take better care of myself/children and make some changes.

I found lots of support and wisdom here and at Alanon meetings. I suggest reading in the permanent(sticky) posts at the top of the forum. Those posts contain some of our stories and lots of experience.

here is one of my favorites:
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:08 AM
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Welcome and cyber (((HUGS)))

It's so difficult to look around the life you've been living and realize things have been spinning out of control. As you smile at the neighbors on your way out the door every day. ...

I love it that Pelican has, once again, suggested the stickies above and mentioned Al-anon, just like she did for me months and months ago. In September, I was a glob of confusion, resentment, and pain.

I remember realizing that our problem probably began long before I admitted it. That was a Pie in the Face!

Today, I'm still healing, but on the positive side of things. All the things I've found out here and in Al-anon have gotten me "over the hump".

You get to decide your journey.
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:16 AM
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You are in the right place. I hope you could find an Alanon meeting to attend. They have been there and done that. You will not feel/be so alone. It does get better even if you are the only one in recovery. Glad you are here.
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Old 01-15-2011, 10:20 AM
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Welcome, Denise!

How great you are reaching out. The insanity of alcohol is well known to us and we "get" you!

It sounds like you don't see much in the "plusses" column when it comes to your husband.
I hear that.
It also sounds like you are ready to move on but it doesn't seem viable.
One little step at a time.
Getting love and support is a great start!
Making a plan (maybe it takes some time, but you have the peace of knowing you are taking actions to care for yourself - and your sanity! ) is a good idea.
Kia suggestion of going to see a friend is a good idea, if you can. I assume you'd need to bring your son.
Do you anticipate your son being able to live independently at 18? (I have a friend that has a 16 year old son with executive function disorder. She does not see her son living independently. That can feel pretty heavy.)
Don't lose hope! There is support in many ways out in the world!
Consider picking up a copy at the library or otherwise of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It REALLY helped me put things in perspective with my husband!
Also consider finding a live Alanon meeting in your area.
Face to face support is a fabulous thing.

Keep posting and reading.

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Old 01-15-2011, 11:39 AM
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same planet...different world
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Location: Butte, America
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Welcome to the forum, Denise -
don't worry about your mind -
maybe you'll find it's laying around here someplace.

This is a great forum
and maybe some of the people here
can get it back for you
one post at a time.

I know that in Austin you've got great resources as well
for three - d support (face to face)
since some of the posters here at SR are in that area.

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